Free to be

20

I look like someone took a wall to my face the next morning. My eyes are puffy from getting to bed so late and  my cheek is bruised from my jaw till my ear. The slight cut the least of the discoloration. My wrist is all types of purple, angry red and yellow. I put on a tight long sleeve under my favourite t-shirt and yank on some sweats, wanting comfort today more than ever. Everyone accepted the 'I fell' story and so I am in the clear for now. 

But Sienna knows the signs, she probably worked hard covering similar evidence. Except I do not wear makeup and everyone can see the bruise on my face. My friends tell me I must have fallen hard and move on. I try continue my day but I can feel her icy eyes every time I pass her, in class and during lunch. The more she looks the more fire fills the pit of my stomach. I feel like a volcano ready to explode. 

Her stupid abusive boyfriend did this to me and she won't even do anything about it. He only did it because I wanted to spend time with her. It isn't until I drag behind getting changed for basketball that she approaches, her hand comes up, gently gripping my arm and pulling up my sleeve. She pulls up the right sleeve and sees the hand mark on my wrist. I say nothing watching as her expression remains stoic. She examines the grazes on my arm, my hand, my cheek and I let her, ignoring the tingles her touch brings to my skin. 

"What if he did this to Max?" I ask eventually and she reels back as if I have hit her. The irony is not lost me.

"I won't let-"

"-You won't let it happen?" I demand, the fire burning bright in my chest "forgive me if I do not find comfort in that, Max knows, he knows you cry at night when you think he is asleep, he knows Parker is not nice and it is only so long before he confronts him, what do you think Parker will do?" She frowns, for the first time letting in how uncomfortable that makes her. I want it to " Parker hurt me and that sucks, "I say honestly "but at the end of the day the only way you are going to do anything is if you realize that that pain doesn't stop at you, Max is in the shooting range and you put him there."

"How can you say that?" Her voice is quiet, scandalized and I explode. She is naive if she thinks she lives in the world alone that her action do not have consequences beyond those she feels. Parker proved that he will not stop at her, he wants her isolated, wants her to 

"Fuck Sienna, how can you not see it? you play victim so bloody well but you have the ability to stand up for yourself, you think you are doing your family a huge favor, you aren't! You are capable of so much more than you think, you can be strong!" I am seething, banging the locker forgetting about my hurt wrist and yelling in pain as I draw it closer to my chest, she makes like she is going to come closer but I back away. "You get to choose what you want Sienna, you not anyone else." I am gone before she can defend herself, Skipping practice today. I do not think I will manage. 

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The weeks go by and I watch, nothing seems to change, she still remains her cold stoic self at school. I am glad I do not run into Parker and as the bruises heal I get back into my normal life. Basketball, friends, family, basketball. I try ignore the stabbing in my chest when I see Sienna, when she watches practices instead of performing. Thanksgiving comes and goes with family and friends and the first snow appears for its annual winter blanket coating that disappears as the sun appears. The Christmas concert is coming up and the school has been buzzing with the Party being hosted new years eve at someone's lake house. Apparently there is huge indoor pool and a jacuzzi. 

"Vote Prom Queen." A flyer is shoved in my hand and suddenly I am staring at a picture of Sienna. "Vote Sienna Rose for Queen!" Gets yelled across the hallways and handing the pamphlet to Danna I walk on. My friends seem to realize that the friendship is over. the one between Sienna and I. I think Erin is relieved, Danna seems confused and Jake doesn't care. I had to stop myself going over there, I couldn't go through the same thing again, the push and pull. I can't decide for her, she needs to leave Parker, tell her parents. It is not my battle to fight, even if I wish I could, I would gladly make all the decisions for her if I thought it would help, but I know it wouldn't people need to make their own choices in life. It gives the choice more weight. 

"Feel like tossing a ball around with me this weekend?" Eloise asks after practice and I nod, I have been spending more time with her outside of school and it is a welcome distraction, I enjoy her company. there is no complications, merely us on a court, laughing and joking around. 

"Pick you up at eight?" I ask and she nods waving as she heads to her car. I turn in the direction of my car and instead of Jenny waiting for me I see Sienna. Hoisting my bag over my shoulder I head over, wondering what she wants. 

"Max misses you." I frown in her direction, she come to talk to me because Max misses me? After weeks of nothing.

"Tell him I miss him too." I say throwing my bag in the back seat, where is Jenny? I want this conversation to be done, I have been doing so well. 

"You and Eloise are getting close."

I frown, trying to decipher what she is thinking about but getting now where. "What do you want Sienna?"

"I am going to tell my parents." 

"Really?" I ask trying not to get my hopes up. 

She nods "I just wanted to say thanks."

"For what?"

She chuckles but it is humorless, hopeless. "You have no idea do you."

"Quit beating around the bush, I am tired and cold." I am annoyed, feeling like she laughing at me. 

"I never thought I could deserve more, then you literally screamed that I did."

"Sorry about that." I remember how loud my voice was.

"I needed it."

"Yeah," I nod, hugging myself "You did." We are silent as I watch her, she seems nervous. "What then?" I ask and she shrugs I nod. We regard each other before she lifts her mouth to form a smile, it is small but for a minute there is only warmth in her expression. 

"Maybe when this is all over, we can try the friendship thing again?"

"Maybe," I say trying to hide the amusement in my voice "After all who wouldn't want to be friends with me." she nods in agreement and I colour, she smirks. 

"Max will be happy."

He will indeed be happy but I think it is more to do with the fact that he will be free of Parker, his sister will be. 

"What do you think Parker will do?" Her eyes search mine and a second later she pulls something out of her bag, wiping at the face. It starts from her forehead and then her eyes and cheeks and jaw, there are colorful, full with bruises, old and new. One particularly angry looking one over her left cheek and jaw. 

"I tried to break up with him again last night." I cringe and she nods as if to agree that it was painful " At least I have evidence now." I do not laugh at her lame attempt at a joke and she cringes.

"I should go, Max is at a playdate so I want to tell my parents before he gets back."

"Good luck." She nods and spinning walks away I watch her get into her car and drive away, something light taking flight in my chest. Is she really going to do it? come clean? I hope for her sake that she does. Jenny appears two minutes later, saying coach kept them late to talk about the upcoming game and I have to laugh. Funny how life works out.