Free to be

9

I should have known that I would not fully get away with my schemes. I am happy with myself until I am standing in the lunch line with Erin and suddenly the cafeteria doors burst open. There is silence and the only sound is the clicking of fast heels on the plastic floors. I swallow because I know who it is. I try hide but it is as if the students part to display me. I wonder if they know the only reason their queen bee would be storming into the cafeteria has something to do with me.

Sure enough she marches right up to me, pulling the lunch tray out of my hands and handing it to the nearest bystander before pulling my elbow. "You are coming with me." Erin's eyes are wide as I meet them and I swear I see tears at all the attention. I feel bad that I made her go through this. I hope the boys come to her rescue. Sienna all but drags me out the cafeteria. I know people are watching and filing until she marches towards an empty classroom and shoves me inside, shutting and locking the door behind us. Suddenly I am nervous, when it is just the two of us. Her glare is enough to ignite a bonfire and freeze salt water.

"What the fuck is wrong with you!" She hisses, pulling the pamphlets out of nowhere and waving them in my face "Do you think this is a fucking joke?"

"W-what?!" I demand eyes scanning her face "Of course not!"

"Then what the fuck are these supposed to be?" Her cool exterior is gone, her eyes are furrowed her lips turned down and her posture stiff and upset.

"They are to help you, there are ones about-"

"-I know what they are, I want to know why they are in my locker!"

"Because I wanted you to have them, they can help you."

"How. many. times. do. I have. to . tell . you?" She hisses, bending low and meeting my eyes "I do not need or want your help with anything, let alone something you know nothing about." She turns and she is going to leave but I can't let her.

"I bet he was nice at first right?" She pauses her back tense as it faces me. "He probably payed you a lot of attention, made you feel seen, made you want to be with him always, he bought you things and told you you were special. I bet he told you you don't need anyone else but him, that you two were made for each other." I pause, trying to take a deep breath as I continue "And then one day it all changed, and suddenly he was in control of you, he wanted you to listen and when you didn't he would strike out and he would say it was your fault, you made him." I am merely following what all the websites say about abuse but it seems like I am hitting the mark. She hasn't moved. "But it isn't your fault what he is doing is wrong and you need to stop it, there are people who help with those things, I want to help." I finish lamely and the room is filled with silence, the sound of my breathing filling the empty spaces, the ones I tried to fill with my words but somehow they seem to float and disappear. Not latching onto anything and making them worthwhile.

I expect her to walk away then. To tell me to fuck off, she would be entitled to. I have been pushing myself in her business for longer than I bet she has let anyone.

"You do not understand," Her voice is soft and broken, I wish I could put all her pieces back together. "I can't leave him."

"Why not?"

"He-he-" I see her hand reach up, run through her hair before it settles on her wrist, the one I saw Parker yank at the party.

"He what?" I ask gently wishing I could understanding. I am trying but I do not understand, why can't she leave him.

"He has my family."

"What do you mean he has your family?" I ask eyes furrowed because that sounds very dangerous, she seems to know where my brain is going and shakes her head.

"I don't mean kidnapped them."

"Oh." She sighs and it is filled with defeat, resignation. Instead of leaving she sits on the desk and I wait. I think this must be the first she is speaking about it to anyone.

"A few years ago my family went bankrupt and his family stepped in , helped them out and now everything my family has is contingent on his family, he threatens to-"

"-Take it all away?" She nods and glances at me, I see the lifelessness in her eyes for what it is, for the first time, the pain that is hidden within, the sorrow. Defeated. she shouldn't be defeated. "Your parents don't know?" She shakes her head, hanging her head in shame, her golden locks covering her face.

"He is nice when ever we are around them," She sighs straightening up "So you see, I can't leave him. My family needs his's support."

I see now why she is so reluctant but if I was her family I would not justify my own wealth by letting my daughter be abused. She does not deserve it, no one does. "You can't tell anyone."

"I won't" I assure her, hoping I can keep that promise "But Sienna, you can't keep doing this."

"Maybe one day he will get tired of me and just let me go." Maybe that is a lie she has been telling herself but I do not think either of us truly believe it.

"I do not think it works like that." The mood has shifted from anger and frustration to resignation and I am not sure it is much better. The feeling of helplessness is more prominent.

"You have a game this Friday right?" I let her change to subject because in this moment I can't help her, I have no idea what to say to her.

"Yes, against the sea hawks." She nods and suddenly the bell rings, my stomach grumbles a second later and she looks at me.

"Sorry, I kept you from lunch." I do not expect the apology and she seems to shock herself by it. We are silent before someone comes into the class and find us there, pausing at the door and taking in the scene. We do not have appeared to murdered each other. Or at least I am still alive, hungry but alive. Without a backwards glance Sienna pushes past the guy in the doorway and leaves. More like saunters away. I shrug at the boys baffled face and follow suite to my next class. Hoping someone has saved me food.