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Hi! Hello? Hey :) no, too happy. It's been a while! How've you been? No, of course not. Definitely not that one. All of these were crossed out.
Hum...hi?
First of all, I don't know how did I end up with three pages of thoughts written down on paper either. So, don't ask any question, the answer would be: I don't know.
Anyway, I think I should be serious... I mean, ah. That sentence was crossed out, too. I should be serious, sorry.
First of all, I'm truly sorry about that break thing... Hold up, am I allowed to say that? That's the reason why.. Some other crossed out sentences. Please, don't come after me for what's coming up next... I thought everything I said to you, I'm not gonna lie. We don't trust each other enough and what I heard today was another proof. But so do I. I never talk to you either, but that's not because I don't trust you, it's because I fear rejection.
Maybe that's your reason as well, and in this case, then we trust each other but life fucked us up and we can't even tell each other about any problem because of this constant fear of being rejected, abandoned.
I grew up shutting up so I won't disappoint my family and I was that kind of little guy saying 'I love you' to my parents every night even when it wasn't true just because I was scared of what might happen the next day. But guess what? I'm still like that.
I don't say 'I love you' to anyone before going to bed but you, and that's because I'm scared of what could possibly happen the next day. What if you don't wake up? What if, I don't know, there's an attack and you die? What if you want to die and you die, like, you really do it, but you do it without knowing that I love you?
It's always like that. What if, what if, what if... I wish I didn't think that much and just lived for the day as it is, not worrying about anything.
Believe me or not, but being an overthinker is really tiring sometimes. I think way too much and don't live the life a normal teenager should be living. I shouldn't be worrying so much about the future, I should just live like there's no tomorrow and that's it. But guess life said 'nope, you can still dream about that life, you won't have it!' and she laughed at my face.
Why am I still talking about me? What No That shouldn't be written These sentences were crossed out as well.
Anyway, enough talking about me. I shouldn't be the one complaining right now, you should be. I mean, come on, I've been an asshole, insult me, do something but don't do...that. Even if you could answer to this letter with three pages full of insults just to assure me that you're alive, that would be enough for me!
I promise you that I will think even harder before saying that kind of bullshit next time. You aren't talking to me because you have your reasons and I shouldn't say that you don't trust me, because you might be trusting me but not have the words to say what you have to say, or just didn't have enough time to be able to speak. There's hundreds of reasons why someone isn't talking about what's happening in their life, what happened, their fears, their scars... There's plenty of reasons why somebody isn't opening the doors to their heart.
And I will respect that from now on. I've been a jerk, I admit it. The worst of all. Even jerk isn't enough to describe my attitude. I'm really sorry, Y/N...
Come and talk to me when you're ready, I'll be waiting.
