My Notes To You

17 | Volleyball Game

Aliyia

It's the last week of school before winter break and I am beyond excited. I'm not sure what my family has planned but we always do things for the Christmas holidays.

I am very nervous about tonight because we have our first volleyball game of the year and I'm just scared. It's not that I haven't done games before it's just that I always have a nervous breakdown the day, hour, and minute before.

Zayden can't make it though cause he has hockey practice and his coach is strict on missing practice unless you're dead.

Tate will obviously be there considering she's on the team with me so at least I'll have some support. And of course, my parents will come, hopefully. Aurora will be there I know for sure, she has never missed any of my volleyball games all my life.

Aurora is the best sister I could ever ask for. Although we have fits quite a lot, I love her unconditionally.

My palms have been sweaty all day just thinking about the game. Tate has reassured me multiple times telling me it's okay and we are going against one of the bad schools.

That doesn't stop my nervousness though, I can't help getting nervous sometimes even after being reassured multiple times.

Lunch swings by and I'm sitting in the cafeteria with Tate. Lukas and Zayden come out of nowhere and sit across from us.

Tate puts a fry in her mouth and shoots her boyfriend a glare.

"What?" Lukas asks confused about why his girlfriend is glaring at her.

"You ignored my text last night" Tate huffs.

"Oh, I was sleeping sorry love," Lukas says, trying to take one of her fries but she slaps his hand away.

"You read the message." She shoots back.

"Guys not this again, please go have your couples fight somewhere else" I groan. This is the second time this has happened this week.

I love them but I think they need couples counseling.

"Okay I'm sorry, I was playing games" Lukas admits.

Tate pauses for a moment then a smile crawls up her face and she speaks. "It's okay baby" and just like that, they kiss and make up.

"Ali, how are you holding up? I know you're freaked out about the game" Zayden asks me, taking one of my fries.

"Very nervous, and my palms have been sweating all morning," I tell him, rubbing my hands across my pants to dry them off.

"I know you'll do amazing, I believe in you," Zayden says, placing his hand on top of mine in a reassuring way.

I pull my hand away from his, not wanting him to feel the sweatiness of my palms. "Thanks" I reply dryly.

Zayden's expression turns dull after that. I feel bad but I can't stand it when people touch me while I'm sweating. It makes me feel gross and I don't want others getting grossed out by it.

❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎

Time went by faster than I wanted it to. The game was in less than thirty minutes and my palms are even more sweaty. My heartbeat is increasing by the minute, as my palms become the Pacific Ocean.

Volleyball has always been my passion. Before I decided I wanted to be a musician, I aimed for a professional volleyball player. Honestly, I'll make that my second resort if being a musician doesn't work out well.

"Allie" I hear a voice call out my nickname. It's Aurora.

'Allie' has always been a family nickname. My parents wanted to name me that but decided to name me something they could use Allie as a nickname for.

"Hey, Aurora" I greet, wiping my hands on my shorts once more.

"Don't be so nervous okay? Just remember the time ten-year-old you beat a fifteen-year-old volleyball player, that should keep you strong" Aurora says, rubbing my shoulder reassuringly.

The memory floods through my mind and I laugh at it. The look on everyone's faces when I did a 1v1 with that fifteen-year-old and won. She had a big ego tho, and she sucked.

"You'll do great" she reassures me once more before leaving the change room.

Ten minutes left. I'm going to kill myself right now just to skip this.

And there goes that increasing heartbeat feeling again. I should be happy about this but I don't understand why I'm more nervous and quiet than usual.

I was never scared of games when I was seven. I think my nervousness was triggered when I was thirteen and got smacked in the face with a ball at the start of the game. My nose broke due to pressure put on my face and I was bullied at school.

I was known as the "girl who can't bump" or "girl who can't set" to save her nose. Ever since I've been extremely nervous about games and have a fear that I will be smacked in the face with the ball and break my nose again.

"Aliyia, let's go it's time" one of my teammates calls out.

I slowly make my way out of the change room and hear the crowd cheering.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

My breathing increased and I was about to have a panic attack until I felt a pair of hands wrap around me.

Zayden.