Thirty Days: A Werewolf Romance

Comparisons

Ellie Richards

Milana's story was something that sounded beautiful but at the same time it was filled with pain and betrayal. She was not only abandoned by her mate, but her pack even turned their back on her. She experienced loneliness that I had, but hers was one not by choice but of survival. Even though I left the pack, I was not shunned by the members or my family. It was a quiet retreat. I had turned my back on those who I was meant to serve, I left family who only wanted me near them. Milana fought until she had nothing left, whereas I just simply gave up without trying. 

There was a part of me that was ashamed, there were people like James and Clara who were silently drowning in their pain, desperate for a mate, a lover. I couldn't deny that having a mate was a beautiful thing, I had grown up watching my grandparents basking in the glow of a bond. Even though they had spent years together, they still looked like they were living in their honeymoon days. 

However, is that possible for me and Thomas? I couldn't deny that their was a pull that I felt when my wolf was present, but even without my wolf I couldn't help but find it so easy to fall into conversation with him. There was something wonderfully effortless once I started to let my barriers down. I just couldn't ignore how easy it was for me to put them back up as soon as he asked about my family. 

I couldn't help but reflect on my relationship with Seth, he had spent so many days trying to get my attention. All I did was turn him down in our early days, building trust was something that I struggled to do. Trust has always been like a mirror, once it's broken it's difficult for it ever to be the same. Even if he wasn't responsible for my lack of trust, he took his time building it and piecing together the fragments that Thomas had broken. He had changed, the man who was once the biggest playboy became the loyal man I know today. I couldn't help but let the guilt creep in at being away from him. I knew that I was playing a dangerous game for even entertaining the idea of giving Thomas a chance. I didn't want to be responsible for someone's broken heart. 

However, I couldn't help but compare the two men in my life. Even though I accepted Seth's proposal, I had yet been honest with him about who and what I am. Without telling him my history and my genetics, would he still accept me? I mean it wasn't unusual for humans and werewolves to be together, but he wasn't my true mate. I couldn't help but let these words tumble out my mouth as I stared at Milana's compassionate and concerned face. I didn't even recognise when I started vomiting the words out. 

All I could do was twiddle my thumbs as a heavy silence filled the air between us. All she did was look at me with eyes that dug into my soul and past the pretensions. She simply pulled my hand and gently caressed the top of my hand with small circular motions with her thumb. 

"I can't tell you what to do or what to feel but what I will say is that everything you are feeling and what you are thinking is very normal for someone in your position." She gave me a sad smile. 

"All I can say is you are in this position, you have no way of backing out of what the elder's have asked you. What they have imposed on you. All I can say is, that it can't kill you to seek answers from Thomas that may help you in your decision. Not many people get the chance you are getting now. Normally rejected wolves walk away with many questions, ones of what ifs and whys? What if he didn't reject me? Why did he reject me? Why wasn't I good enough? What did I even do wrong?" Milana responds as she has this far away look on her face. 

"I can only tell you what my own experiences are and I will always be thankful for my mate and my husband. Both have a special place in my heart. There is nothing quite like the love of a mate. There is nothing that can compare to that. Even though he was a werewolf, he was still a human. No one is perfect and people make mistakes." She finished. 

"But how can your husband accept that you don't love him like you love your mate?" The words tumble out of my mouth before I even realise what I said. I pull my hand from hers and gasp as I cover my mouth. "I am so sorry, that was extremely insensitive of me-" I start to ramble. 

Milana chuckles and holds her hand in the air for me to stop. "Don't." She shakes her head. "It's a reasonable question which I will answer." She sighs. "He understands because he too has felt what I have. Even though his wife wasn't a mate, she was his first love, his true love. She was the mother of his children. Both of us found love in pain that we couldn't escape. We found room in our hearts to find a love one another, it was unexplainable and comforting. Both of us would kill for more time with those who first captured our hearts, but equally we can't let go of each other or hurt one another. Our love isn't one that isn't selfish."

Their love isn't selfish she is right. Both of them love each other without holding back the pain that they have experienced. It is one that they found in the loss of those who meant everything to them. Their love is one that is honest, without holding back the truth of where they both came from. I can't help but think of my relationship with Seth as I furrow my brow. Even though he was my second chance at happiness, I had still held back who I was and who I am. I hadn't even told him my past. He only lived in my present, with the hopes of moving forward for a future. 

Even though Milana and her mate didn't have a happy ending, they still had love between them which is something I had never experienced with Thomas. When he had a woman who was posing as his mate and he rejected me. I just deemed him unworthy. I couldn't help but judge him for his decisions. Ones that I believed were careless and wrong of an Alpha. Many questions wondered through my head over the years about his decisions in relation to our bond and I couldn't help but desperately want answers, one that would relieve the pain that my wolf had experienced. I couldn't deny the truth in Milana's words. 

"Thanks Milana. You've definitely given me things to think about." I gave her a tight smile. 

"No problem." She replies with a smile that is the opposite of mine. One that is carefree and light. She starts to get up from her chair and she searches her pockets and her brows raise as she pulls out an small brown envelope. She looks down on it and passes it to me. 

"I know that I am not meant to pass on messages but I have never liked playing by the rules." Milana smirks. "This came for you." She whispers in a hushed tone. "I have also placed a burner phone under the dressing table."

I can't help but let my eyes widen at her words. I don't understand why she is helping me like this but I can't help but feel I have an ally on my side when the whole world seems to be standing against me. I look down at the envelope to see my name scrawled in beautiful calligraphy, their penmanship isn't one that recognisable to my eye. I can't help but frown at the small bumpy envelope wondering what or who has been trying to contact me. 

I stuff the envelope into my pocket and look at Milana with a thankful look. I nod my head and thank her for everything she has done and is doing. I then turn my back and make my way to my to my bedroom where I can reflect on everything that has happened today.