In My Blood

Episode 19 - The Slow Part Of Healing

"'Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil... for you are with me; your rod and your staff. They comfort me.'" The Hawkins pastor closed the Bible quietly beside the fresh tombstone in the cemetery. There were dark circles under the man's eyes, this being the second year in a row a child was buried. Diana's family stood huddled to the right of the casket, her mother sobbing into a handkerchief while her father stared forward blankly. The metal casket that laid in front of the mourning crowd was empty, and everyone knew. Perhaps that was the lowest blow of all. "'Fear not, for I am with you. Be not dismayed-'"

"'- for I am your God,'" I finished the pastor's words to myself, remembering them vividly from the funeral he had led when Will had been assumed dead. My face stung from the number of tears that had slid down it, soaked into the black dress I had chosen for the funeral. My grief was echoed throughout the majority of the congregation, most being classmates or other students from Hawkins High. I could make out the cheerleading squad lumped together in the mix, but Charity's face wasn't among them. I had assumed she would take her best friend's death the hardest, but to not show up at the funeral entirely... that had never crossed my mind.

"I cannot attempt to hide the fact that these years have been trying for us all," the pastor continued, looking out at each member of the crowd sympathetically. "I see it on all of your faces now the thought that has plagued us all: what have we done to deserve such sorrow? I assure you now, the hands of death do not come from any such actions."

I clutched the dark red tulip between my hands tightly, the only one that had been passed out to the group from the collection of white and pink. The pastor tried to pass it off as some hopeful meaning, that maybe it was a sign of some kind, but I was no fool to the truth he had no knowledge of. If it hadn't been for Diana, this funeral most likely would've been for me. Even though the sacrifice was her choice, it was her blood on my hands.

I heard a familiar sniffle, and I glanced over to see Nancy just as she lowered her head to draw less attention. Her mother laid a hand on her shoulder in an attempt to comfort the girl. Mr. Wheeler seemed to not notice his daughter's outburst of grief, staring at the casket almost in sleep-like boredom beside his son. Many of our monster-hunting group were present, the Byers not too far away from them and the Harrington family just across. Steve's gaze didn't tear away from the framed photo of Diana, and I could see the shame across his face. I wasn't the only one who felt guilty today.

"Today is a day of remembrance and love," the pastor began to conclude, "and it does us no good to wallow. Surround yourself with those you care about and comfort those who are grieving. We're only stronger as a community." The older man set his pink tulip on the casket, inviting the mourners to follow suit. I stayed still as the small family groups moved past me, by myself. My father was still tending to Eleven as she had not yet fully recovered from the amount of power it had taken to close the gate. I hadn't exactly either, but I was too stubborn to admit it. I foolishly wanted some things to return to normal, back to the days when I knew nothing of the darkness that would come eagerly to my hands. It looked no different than what had come out from the Upside Down to attack us, and I had a fear that the two were exactly the same in nature.