the crack of amelia kearney

prowlag

Beginning notes: got an idea to make TCOAK crack so that it was easier to write and portray the lore faster or whatever

character list and ages (they're all aged down, y'all can blame Vonia for that):
amelia 11 1/2
cam 9
whet (dead btw): 8 1/2
mergle: 13
vonia (the cool bird): 12
gale (the less cool bird): looks 15 but is like sixty or some bs
liam (we all love liam): looks 17 but is actually great-grandfather age (like 127???)
andrew: 19 (old)
shadow: he's old (but when he's human he looks at least twenty five, maybe older)
amber: 17 (an actual 17 year old, my god)
rachel: 18
Erin smith (toilet man): 18

more might be added or not idk lmao

(No tw's anymore, you lot have been spoiled enough >:])

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prologue

once upon a time there was an abused child named Amelia Kearney who lived an absolutely fucking shitty life. Like her parents were shit, they ignored her, and she lived on the very edge of poverty despite her shit parents buying new cars and fancy electronics so frequently that it seemed there was more stuff every day.

She also slept on an old ratty mattress on the floor with a ginormous pile of blankets stacked on top of it in a mostly blank room. All that was in the room was an ikea dresser, a rickety desk that her dad had found at the dump and "fixed up" for her, an uncomfortable wooden chair and a greasy, grimy window.

Anyways though, Amelia was a sad mad lad because her parents were fighting and keeping her awake at like 1 am and it was just so fucking annoying oh my god

After a few minutes of Amelia trying and failing to sleep she went "ight bros fuck this" and got out from under her many covers.

Amelia walked to her desk and opened a drawer on it, revealing several random knickknacks, an old beat-up but somehow still working iPod touch gen 7 (not sponsored) and an only-slightly-mouldy wallet that looked like a duck.

She grabbed the iPod (again, not sponsored I swear) and the duck wallet, shoved them into her pockets, and walked over to the window, her intent being to sneak out.

She, like the heathen she was, slept in her clothes, hence the reason "changing out of her pj's" wasn't on the list of things to do before sneaking out.

Amelia opened the window, with it taking several seconds to get a decent grip on it due to the intense buildup of grease and grime that was there due to years of going uncleaned.

Outside the window, there was a tree. The nearest branch from the window was three feet away, and to get to it from said window you'd have to jump from the window and grab on

Now, most kids amelias age would be too scared to do that. But to Amelia, they were all pussies. No balls. Fatherless behaviour. True ratio + bozo + 🤓 + 🤡 behaviour. Amelia had made that jump probably at least seven times and she was perfectly fine all those times (except for the time she fell onto the sharp thistle bushes that were ten feet below her window. Not only did she fall and get bruised, but she also got impaled by the thistles. Lol noob)

She took a deep breath, and jumped.

As we all know, amelia is super cool. And a parkour god. She easily made the jump because she's not a fatherless, spineless, balless (okay maybe she's lacking a few balls, in the literal sense) loser. She isn't a ratio + bozo + 🤓 + 🤡.

She quickly hoisted herself up to sit on the branch, before shifting herself to get a foothold so that she could climb down the tree.

and then she climbed down the tree. omg.

Amelia was on a mission. She wanted snacks from 7-11. She also wanted a slushy (that'd be an "icee" for you disgusting, uncultured, uncivilized swine)

She began her very epic treck of like one block to the 7-11. Also it started raining I think, idk it's been a while since I read the actual tcoak prologue okay?!??! Stop judging me >:(

end notes: this prologue is better than the actual TCOAK one :)