Youth!

Haley

Over a year later, and after some mistakes, I realized Claire was right about finding someone I'd be compatible with. About a month before turning 19, I met a beautiful girl, who was my type, and was into the same things as me. She had a big butt, an amazing face, a comfortable belly, she liked to explore and travel too! We listened to the same music, played video games together and I was even able to introduce her to anime, and a bunch of other things. Haley was her name, and it suited her very nicely. When I think of that name, I think of something very pretty and delicate, I think of nice weather too which fits because I met her in the summertime. It was crazy the way it happened too, taking a plane to go meet her and staying at her house and shit. I was in New York, upstate, and it was the middle of the night. I was telling Haley about how I was in a nice ass hotel, with two beds, beautiful bathroom, all that, and she had said that she wished she could be there with me. Wished...she...could...That was it! Maybe she couldn't come to see me, definitely not, but I had my moped, some money, and some time to spare. Why not go on a crazy adventure to another state to chill with a girl I barely know? I looked up Pittsburgh and how far it was, the week was young and I considered going on my moped. Until I saw the distance that is.... Without highways.... 11 hours, not even including resting time. Yeah, there was no way in hell, so I turned my focus to plane tickets. Haley and I were on the phone and I was telling her how I wanted to come see her. She didn't believe me! When telling my friend Tj the story, he said "Yeah, she ain't believe you cause she ain't know the real Marcus yet." Precisely, because if you knew me you'd know that this type of crazy adventure was not out of the question at all. "This story sounds exactly like something I'd expect you to do bro." He told me. That was real shit, because I had always wanted to travel and go far places on my own. With Haley being all the way in west Pennsylvania, it was a far distance to travel, but I decided that if there was going to be any time in my life to go see her, it should be that week because I was already far from home. That night, after I got off the phone with her, I was so excited I couldn't even sleep, my heart was racing. Even though I ended up being closer to home when I rode down to the airport, my week outing wasn't ready to conclude yet, I had a beautiful girl to go meet. I remember racing against time downstate on my bike, skipping every stop sign and red light, crossing the big ass Queensboro Bridge, and missing the flight. Multiple times throughout the trip, I thought I was going to die, that my life was in danger. That night and into the morning until I landed at the Pittsburgh airport, I was so excited. A little nervous to see her, yes, but so excited because I knew how excited she was to see me as well. I can clearly remember, like it was yesterday, spending the night with her over the phone imagining how the town would be like and how much fun we'd be having. It was unclear how things were gonna work or if they'd turn out as good as I thought, but we were both determined to make things happen. After an hour plane ride, I landed in Pittsburgh, and made my way over to her area in an uber. As we rode from Moon towards where she lived, I took in the beautiful scenery, complete with golden bridges, hills, and rivers. On average, the city has an elevation of over 1,000 feet compared to Valley Streams measly 16, so that already tells you of how different of an area this was. In the distance I could see mounds and mounds with houses on top for miles, and tall trees adding to the forest landscape. We passed through a tunnel under a giant hill and it reminded me of New Jersey except on a way bigger scale. I loved every second of it. When I arrived at a hotel about 20 minutes away from her home, I realized I wouldn't be able to stay because I had to be 21 and not 18, Pennsylvania was on some weird shit. My phone was running low on battery, and I could feel some raindrops, and I started getting nervous because currently, I had nowhere to stay! We had to do some quick thinking, and Haley told me I could pull up to her house. As I walked up to her house, I saw her and how beautiful she was which made me a little nervous but I had a smile on my face and the smile gave me confidence. We embraced each other so tightly as time stopped, it was the best hug I ever had in my entire life, feeling so loved by someone I had just met, feeling so safe, like the only people in the whole wide world were Haley and I. With some crying she was able to convince her mother to let me stay at her house in her room, and I was really grateful for the whole thing. As we waited on her porch for her mother to arrive, we stared at each other and giggled in disbelief that we were actually in each others presence. Coming inside was weird for me, because I had never done anything like that before and the last thing I wanted was pity from anybody, but I swallowed my pride because where else was I gonna stay? Laying down on her bed was the best feeling ever, there was such a strong feeling of warmth and the bed was so comfy. I felt like a character in a story who would be on a journey through a village, and due to the generosity of the people, was given shelter and a place to sleep. When we got subway, while eating that trash sandwich Haley and I sat really close to each other. I could feel her leaning against me, so I leaned back on her as our heads touched. It was like: "I'm in her world." My crazy adventure has settled, I have a beautiful girl, smelling of flowers and perfume, to rest on. We  finally with each other, and man is it relaxing, I thought to myself. She damn near got hit by a car walking back home so I had to grab her hand instinctively, and I could just feel how close we were. I was able to get a good amount of sleep, which was good because I had barely gotten any for the past three nights. Over the course of the days, we watched adventure time, played games, and just had fun chilling in the bed getting to know each other, having good quality bonding time. Sleeping together felt great too until we had to separate because Haley produced so much damn body heat. When you meet somebody who you instantly click with, it doesn't matter if the majority of time you spend with them is inside or outside, you just have fun! The last two days we got to go to the park, the first of which we just spent walking around. Although the townspeople could've used more flavor, the scenery was beautiful, the sun was shining so bright, and the landscape was just stunning with the hills and greens of the trees. I smoked some weed as well, the little bit I had left in my pipe, and really let it sink in that I was in a whole different state a seven hour drive from home. Valley Stream this was not. On Friday, we went to the same park, except that instead of simply walking through, I went for a little dip in the lake or whatever it was. Haley and I made our way down carefully to the muddy forest where the creek was flowing. The water was ice cold, but Haley didn't think so because she was used to this. "You're a big baby, just jump in!" She told me playfully. I gulped as I dipped my toe in, feeling the cold shoot up throughout my body. "You're crazy! It's a freezer in here!" I called back to her, before submerging myself. It's not like I was doing things like this all the time because typically around my area when you see a body of water in a park like this the water isn't gonna be clean. Pennsylvania just had a vast amount of land and natural stuff, and the water was actually really clear. Haley recorded me laughing as I screamed, feeling my muscles tighten up and my heart pound from how cold it was. "Wow, I look really muscular in these videos!" I announced proudly. "You always look muscular." She replied. Wow. That made me feel really good. I was afraid I lost some muscle from not eating as much over the week but apparently I was looking just fine.

When it came time to leave Saturday afternoon, I was faced with a mixed bag of feelings. On one hand, I was happy to head back because I had already spent a week away, and wanted to see my family as they were out of the loop and I wanted them to know I was safe. My friends would be waiting for me, and I wanted to tell them all about my trip as well while we smoked and had a good time. At the same time, what would become of Haley and I, what were we at this point? She was crying, distraught because she knew she'd miss me, and she thought once I got back that we wouldn't continue to talk, and this was a one-time-thing type of thing. Again she didn't know the real me, I could have been pretending to be nice and loving. She didn't know at the time, because I did it stealthily, but I was crying too. This was the best week I had in my life, everything felt like a dream. Road running from home to the city to upstate, then back down close to home to the airport and flying to Pennsylvania, every day held a new surprise. I had made a new friend and we had gotten so close in just a couple days I didn't want to leave her, I wanted to stay permanently. Going back home would be good but it would mean back to reality, I would have to get a new job and figure out if I was going to start school, to avoid just bumming around. Admittedly, I wondered if we should continue talking. Not because I didn't want her, but whenever I get attached it ends up bad. Somebody gets hurt, either me or the girl, and when I do the hurting it's even worse. "You'll probably find someone else who's better than me once I leave." I joked with her. "No! I'm not like that." She said. I wanted to believe it. People like me, people with not only OCD but different types of mental handicaps tend to have difficulty sustaining relationships. There's so much doubt, so much questioning, jealousy, wondering if this is this or that is that...are we gonna last...is this meant to be... who's that guy on her phone.....and not even for a lack of trust just because your brain plays tricks on you. Even the littlest, seemingly unimportant situations are taken seriously and blown out of proportion. To compare, it's like when you know you locked your door but still have the urge to go check to make sure it's locked ten times over. In your heart you know the door is locked, but there's some little doubt created by your brain which makes you want to go check several times. I hate it, because I wish love was just as simple as falling and staying in love, I wish I wasn't so high maintenance, wish I didn't need so much reassurance from someone who I already know loves me. Unfortunately I can't change what goes on in my head. We were technically not together, we were really only just "friends" (with some benefits) at this point. From just those few days spent with her though, I knew I wanted her. So I told her. "I love you." followed by a kiss and tight hug, just as tight as the day we met, before I got in the uber back to the airport. Was it fast? Definitely. Have I done this before and screwed up? Oh, most certainly. Still, sometimes in life though you go with your heart, you can't be scared of love, you have to face your problems and insecurities. Everyone is always telling me that I'm young and should be exploring my sexual experience, and that being in a relationship is a waste of time. I'm a relationship guy though, it's who I am and I can't change who I am, a connection is what I truly desire not just sex. I decided I was going to make Haley mine one day. When I got back home, after stopping at the house to see everybody again, I went back out to see my friends for a little while. They'd been waiting forever at the park at our spot, I always took my sweet time. I could hear music playing and laughter so I knew it was them, and when I rounded the corner, I was met with a "OH SHIT, LOOK WHO'S BACK!!" In unison from all of them. Jake nudged me and passed the spliff. Oh yeah, me and Jake were still as tight as ever. He's a changed dude though. Stopped getting into trouble, he's just focused on finishing high school and working, getting money, and playing ball. He's putting energy into positive things, and it's good to see because I really watched him grow, and it's just good to see him on a better path. We smoked and had a good time, while I told them about my week-long trip and the different adventures that each day held. "You remind me of my dad, man!" Brandon told me. "What? How?" I asked. He laughed as we bumped "Supervillain" by Duwap Kaine and he grabbed me by the shirt, very excited. "It's how you move man, how you live. You do exciting ass stuff, like traveling and shit. You the man, man." He smiled. It wasn't just gassing me up, it was somewhat true I guess. I laughed. "Thanks man, you know what they say, you only live once." I told him. Paul was there too, happy that I had met a nice girl. "You go man, hoping the best for you." He told me with his arm around me. "Now let's have a cypher.  Does the adventure man wanna go first"? He grinned. I took the phone from him, typing up a beat in YouTube, and the whole gang start spitting bars. While chilling with them, I couldn't help but think "Man, I love these guys." Don't get me wrong, girls are great, we couldn't live without them, they just provide a different dynamic and excitement to life. At the same time, I really love my bros, every time I do something crazy, they tell me how crazy I am, hype me up, make me feel like the shit. Here I was coming back from being away a week, and they were treating me as if I was a legend or something. They wouldn't be wrong to think so.