idiots

THREE

All the guys were still awake when I got back to the dorms. It was really unlike me to get here this late on a Saturday night. My usual Saturday goes by in bed, reading all day. "We thought you died," Evan stated laughing. I smiled a bit before telling them where I was. "Please don't tell me you're a part of their sad little gang now," Aaron said mockingly. "No, no it was nothing like that. But actually it was quite nice to hang out with them," I said and they looked really suspicious. Luckily they didn't say anything more about it so I headed to bed.

Next morning I slept till noon which was odd. I hardly ever sleep so long but maybe even I need it every once in a while. It was Sunday and I had finished all my homework already, the only school-related thing was to look through the chapters Slughorn assigned for the exam. Even though it's almost a few weeks away, I want to be prepared properly, although I don't think there's much new information to me anyway.

I spent a long time reading magical drafts and potions for the exam and it was actually really interesting. Then I switched to The History of Magic at some point.

"Are you still here?" Severus asked when he came in. I had no idea what the time was anymore but based on his reaction to still seeing me here, I figured it was getting late. "When was the last time you ate?" he asked and stared at me deeply. His face was as serious as I had just killed someone. "Stop Sev, I can take care of myself," I tried and rolled my eyes at him.

"No. I'm not gonna have that. You're coming to dinner right now!" He ordered and grabbed my hand. Sev was the only person beside my brother who really knew about all my problems. I started regretting telling him as soon as I did, but he basically dug all that out of me so there wasn't much I could do.

"I'm fine! You can't force me to eat!" I protested to him. "Regulus you can't do this much longer and you know it. You barely sleep or eat anymore and you don't even realise that I know it. I know you haven't eaten since we went to dinner together before your detention on FRIDAY! You're going to eat. I'm worried about you," He lectured me. I got scared because he was yelling so I decided to shut up and go with him. I hate when people yell at me. It reminds me too much of my parents and I hate it. It makes me feel small and weak, like I don't matter. I hate that feeling wo fucking much. I force myself to keep it in so others won't notice. I wish I was stronger. More like my brother.

Sev dragged me to the Great Hall and filled a plate for me and sat down next to me. "I'm sorry for yelling at you but you know that it's because I care about you and you also know that you have to eat," he said while I poked the food. "Yeah I know, sorry."

He knows that it's easier for me to eat if other people eat too so he took a plate for himself as well. We ate together until he was content. I felt so disgusted but also knew that he was right. I needed to eat if I wanted to stay alive. I'm not sure if I wanted to, but then again if I wasn't here, I couldn't read or smoke. I know it's pathetic but those are the only things keeping me alive right now. It's ironic that the thing keeping me alive would end up killing me in the long term.

We walked together back to the dorms in complete silence. I was partly glad that he had forced me to eat because I know that I wouldn't have done it by myself. "Thanks Sev," I said without even looking at him. "Here for you mate," He answered and patted me on the back.

I spent the rest of the evening reading on my bed and occasionally smoking on the balcony.

Monday went by slowly. I was just having lunch with Sev and the guys and I felt Sverus' eyes at me all the time when he was making sure that I ate. I did. It wasn't a pleasure but I did. He looked pretty proud of me when I finished my meal. My last class of the day was history of magic, which I particularly don't like.