Light to Her Darkness

Chapter 18

ADRIAN'S POV:

I'm sorry... I'm sorry that I never loved you.

No matter how much I fucking try her word kept ringing in my head. The dull ache in my chest wasn't subsiding. My grip on the neck of the bottle tightened as I took a large sip of the whiskey welcoming the burn in my throat.

The look on her face, when she stared right into my eyes when she told me she never loved me, was haunting my soul. How could I've never noticed that she never loved me? Why did I always feel her love when she was with me? She was lying. She has to be. All those moments we spent together can't just be a facade. All those times she told me that she loved me can't be a lie. Right?

I sighed and took another swig from the bottle. Maybe I'm being oblivious. Maybe every moment I spent with her really was a lie. All those times she smiled at me, all the times she said she loved me, all the times when she held me like I was her everything... maybe it really was a facade. And maybe I was too in love with her to notice.

She never loved me.

Anger and devastation burned in my chest as wetness gathered in the back of my eyes. I didn't care for her.... She ruined me. She left me. Then why am I feeling so lost and why the fuck is my heart hurting the same way it was hurting when she left me. I hate her... god... I should hate her but then why do I still love her?

A tear dropped out of my eyes to my cheek and I let my head fall back on the wall. I'm miserable with her and without her. So I choose not to let her go this time. She's mine and she'll always be mine whether she wants it or not. I'm not letting her get away from me now or ever.

She made a fool out of me. She lied to me then she left me without any explanation and then she comes back into my life on her fucking knees.

I took a huge gulp as the pain in my chest increased. "Fucking shit!" I hissed and brought my empty palm to my chest. I could feel my heart racing underneath my palm and all I could think was to escape the pain.

It's hurting. It's hurting so bad.

I was breaking again. I was breaking for the one woman I've ever truly loved. We were a perfect family. She had to ruin that. She had to ruin it. Ruin me.

I was learning to live without her. I was learning to ignore the constant dull ache in my chest. I was learning to not miss her smile, her scent, her touch, her voice, her kisses. I was learning to move on from her.

But after her words tonight, everything I've worked for these past months was falling apart. It was like she left me all over again. Except that it became twice more painful than before.

I want to punish her for making me feel this way. For hurting me again and again. I want to see her suffer like I'm suffering. My heart was crumbling into pieces and she was the reason behind it.

I wanted to make her feel alone like I was after she left. And taking Lily was the perfect plan until she dropped to her knees and begged me not to. No matter how angry I was at her but I hated seeing her breaking. I hated myself more because I pushed her so much that she had no other choice. Marrying her was never part of the plan but I couldn't just sit and watch her suffer no matter how much I crave it.

I took a huge gulp from the bottle and threw it to the side. After what felt like hours, I got on my feet and headed inside. Just when I entered the room my gaze fell on a sleeping figure on the couch. My hands tightened into fists looking at her as I hesitantly walked towards her.

I knelt beside her and looked at her flushed face. Her cheeks were red and her eyes even though closed were swollen. There was no denying that she was crying in my absence.

Why did you never love me, Emma? Was I that hard to love? If all those times you were so miserable why did you never tell me? Why did you leave the way you did? Do I not even deserve closure?

A tear left my eye and I close my eyes. I took a deep breath and looked at her again. I brought my palm towards her and held her face gently. My thumb brushed her flushed cheeks.

I love you. I love you so damn much that my heart hurts. Please don't leave me. Not this time.