Good things come with change

Monday... I'm sorry...

On Monday my Dad went into work I told them not Spencer I feel bad because he thinks I don't like him if he only knew I would be fine alone because I believed it them but now I am not so sure if I should've said so. I have the thoughts again. I sit staring at the tv but don't see anything I have on a haphazardly picked outfit. I don't even know what is on. I stay like that for an hour or so. I look at my phone and see like always nothing from anyone I put my phone into my pants. Not even Dad checked up. Wait he has work to do thinking like that makes me feel like a pouting child craving attention. Sorry to anyone that offends but why would it I have nothing to do with you okay now I am ranting...I walk around the place a bit and then go into the bathroom. I find a razor and take it apart. I take it and cut the part after the bend of the wrist. I make five on each arm. I know this will not change anything I look down and notice how the blood got on the clothes and stand out really badly. All the sudden I hear the door open and close.

Spencer: Maeby can I talk with you?

I quickly closed the door but I guess it was loud because then I hear a knock at the door.  

Spencer: I'm sorry for coming without telling you first. 

Me: I-It's o-okay Spencer.

I didn't even realise I was crying till that point.

Spencer: Are you okay? Please let me see you...

Me: I'm f-fine Spencer.

Spencer: Just come out we need to talk.

Me: Y-You won't get mad and hate me?

I know I am acting like a unstable person but I am in bloody clothes and haven't been able to clean the cuts.

Spencer: Please I just want to see you and talk with you before I have to go back to the office.

Me: Okay...

I open the door and poke my head out at Spencer. He laughs a bit before noticing my scared face and then he looked worried.

Me: There you can see me.

Spencer: Can we sit down on a sofa? 

Me: As long as you don't freak out...

I open the rest of the door and step out. Spencer's eyes widen and he softly picks up my hand and lifts my hand and looks at my arm. 

Spencer: Talking can wait let me clean and bandage your cuts...

He walks me back into the bathroom and looks painfully at the razor. It was laying in the sink. He carefully picks up the razor and places it on the counter. He then puts on water and puts his hand under to make sure its a okay temperature. He takes my right arm and washes off the cuts then picks up the first aid kit from the ground. he takes out the ace bandage from the box and wraps the right arm. He repeats the same thing on the left arm.

Spencer: Do you want to change before we talk...

He still wants to have a talk... Probably about wanting to tell my Dad about it and getting help. I nod and walk into my room and change into this knowing he will want to take me back with him. I glance in the bathroom on my way back and see the razor gone. I go out and see Spencer on the sofa so I sit down next to him.

Spencer: Okay so I we both know that I am going to ask about the cuts so will you explain them to me?

Me: I started when I was 10 when I gave up fighting well trying to fight off my "father" when he would punish me and both of them saying how I was a freak and that I was useless. I stopped at 16 after their death.

Spencer: Why did you cut today?

Me: It was just all just pouring on me the memories that I will never be wanted or loved and I just couldn't stop myself.

Spencer: That's not true the team loves you. I-I...I love you Maeby.