Good things come with change

Left to thoughts

When he ended the kiss I was a bit dazed okay not a bit a lot...He looked at me and he must have taken the silence wrong. He bolted right out the door. I heard Dad asking Spencer what happened but before he could finish asking Spencer was gone. I sat right down on the ground staring off in space. I could hear my Dad coming to my room. Then he was right in front of me and looked concerned.

Dad: Little girl you okay? What happened to Spencer? 

But when he was done the second sentence my mind completely floated away and I was taken back to my memories.

Flashback

I looked down at myself and saw I was 4 years old I had just gotten back from school.

Diego: What are you doing here girl?

Ah yes one of the many times I came home and he was drunk...I wonder what time this is.

Diego: You are not even mine I don't know why I have to watch after you and your ungrateful mother.

Still I heard this many times.

Diego: Do you look at me like that! I will have respect!

He grabbed me by my arm and dragged me into the kitchen. I know what he is about to do so I try to run away from him but can't get away with his iron grip on my arm.

Diego: I must teach you an lesson! You are some sort of freak of a child I am sure know what to do!

He flung me at the counter and I could hear the rustling. When I recovered from hitting the counter so hard I tried to run again... Yet because this is a memory I know I don't get far. He grabs my arm and threw me to the ground. He takes the knife and dragged it across my stomach.

Diego: I trust this will not be a problem again get cleaned up and do not anger me again.

I run up the stairs holding the cut truly thinking that no one could ever love me if the ones that are my parents don't even love me.

End Flashback 

My mother was there many times but did nothing to stop him she never would hit me but she agreed that I was useless. Once I reached 10 I agreed with them and took the punishments without trying to get away. I also started to cut myself I knew it was wrong but I did it anyway. It was because I wanted to be found and I wanted people to love me but no one knew a thing or they just didn't care. 

Dad: Are you back?

I nod my head and then feel tears start to flow down my cheeks. My Dad doesn't miss a beat and reaches over and pulls me into a hug. He starts the rub my back.

Dad: It will be okay. Just please tell me what I can do.

I shake my head I have never had help and there has been nothing that anyone could do.