SAVE ME

Chapter 32

Morgan Smith

"Forgiveness" Pastor Dan starts as the sermon's topic.

The choir just ministered a very lovely song and I felt good just listening to them sing. The lyrics, I couldn't fully memorize them, I'll search for them later but it felt really good.

I thought of joining them if we get to sing really cool songs like that. I also fancied their gowns, it looks like that of graduating students but it's cool too and probably there are stages I need to pass to get in, I'll ask Ann after service.

Many thoughts ran through my mind when I was brought back to what he was saying. I looked around to see that everyone was concentrating deeply on what he preached and I scolded myself for getting lost in thoughts when I should be listening. He might be saying things I needed to hear like Ann would always tell me.

She told me Pastors, Prophets, Apostles, Ministers, etc. are all mediums through which GOD speaks to his people and sometimes he speaks personally to his people through the reading of the Bible which is his word. I cleared my head of any thoughts and tried to concentrate on what he was saying.

"... you should know that forgiving whoever wronged you or whoever caused you pain is not actually doing them a favor, rather by forgiving them and also asking GOD to forgive them, you are actually giving yourself the peace of mind you deserve," he said and I frowned at that. "You're giving yourself, your heart, and your soul to heal from that terrible thing they did to you, giving yourself a chance to heal and find peace once more"

The furrow on my brows deepened and I thought about what if they aren't sorry and didn't come to ask forgiveness for what they did to you? What if they aren't sorry for hurting you or other people? What if they intentionally want to destroy you and leave you hurting till your hurt kills you? What if...

I shook my head as I tried not to let the pain of what happened to my parents to get to me.

"Everyone deserves the peace of mind, to heal, to be made whole and free of worries then why let what might kill you take over your whole being? They don't have to come begging you for forgiveness for you to forgive them" 

He is talking to you!

He is talking to me... I repeat after my subconscious.

He opened his Bible before speaking "The book of Matthew 5:38-41 then the same chapter 43-48 says it all. Those verses tell us about what JESUS teaches about forgiveness, JESUS tells us there that GOD isn't partial about who he let the sun shine upon and who he let the rain pour upon." he said.

"If GOD lets the sun shine upon the good and bad and isn't partial about who gets to have rain, then we as Christians should learn to forgive our enemies. Instead of harboring hate and detest for them, we should love and pray for them, GOD isn't asking you to bring them to your home"

"He is saying that you shouldn't hate them because everyone was made in his own image, it was people's decisions that made them bad and evil, hating them will only prove that we hate GOD too, loving them by praying for them to change and see the light proves how much we love GOD because GOD doesn't want anyone to die in sin but come to repentance"

I felt a tear slip out of my eyes because I feel like he was right in some ways. Probably Ann was right too, those that do bad were lost then and evil was their way of... I don't know, finding comfort then but even though it's bad to hurt someone, they should be punished Ann said we shouldn't judge so I can't.

My heart feels really heavy and it's a burden I have carried with me for a really long time but I don't know if I want to let it go, I don't think I am ready to let it go and just forgive anyone involved in it. I don't.