SAVE ME

Chapter 33

Morgan Smith

I thought that after I took my bath and probably lay on my bed and close my eyes, I could get some sleep and forget about this for a while but that wasn't the case since it has been over an hour since I took that bath and was laying on my bed and I am not asleep, neither do I feel sleepy.

Pastor Dan's preaching about forgiveness this morning still plays in my mind and no matter how hard I try, I just can't seem to get myself to stop thinking about it. He is right, my heart knows that but my head doesn't want that truth because it's looking for a reason to blame someone and bed sad about the past.

"You need to let go of your past" Ann's voice sounded in my head and I closed my eyes to shut them out.

Who could ever forget? Who could forget losing their loved ones when the person who did it isn't brought to book and the person didn't even tender an apology? Probably she didn't understand what I felt, that's why she tells me what she tells me.

"A cookie for your thought" her voice sounded again and I shook my head with my eyes still closed then I heard nothing before my bed dipped and when I opened my eyes, Ann was looking down at me with a smile on her face.

She was wearing the same PJs I was wearing and her hair was in a messy bun, her black-rimmed glasses were seated on her nose. I almost forgot that she wore them a few times.

I sat up with my legs crisscrossed while I faced her with a small smile on my lips "We are matching" I pointed to her PJs and she nods with a smile then held my hand in hers.

"Why were you crying?" she asked, my eyes went wide in surprise as I stared at her. I thought I had cleaned them off except she's speaking of earlier when she saw how gloomy I was and how red my eyes were from the little crying I did in the bathroom back in church.

She pointed to my eyes "Your eyes say it all and even when we were in the church, I knew something was up when your mood was suddenly sullen" she stated, a sigh left my lips and my eyes went to her hand that held mine. "What's the problem? You can tell me anything, I'll be here listening to you" she said.

"I... I have been..." I sighed again then blinked my eyes severally to keep the tears in "I have been thinking about what Pastor Dan preached today and I feel like he is talking to me" I looked up at her and then sighed again. "It felt like he was directing those words to me about you know... letting go and forgiving, just like you have been telling me in the past"

I looked away from her and then felt her wipe the tear that slipped out of my eyes "You think I have been holding on too long to the wrong thing?" I asked.

She gathered me in her arms and rubbed a soothing circle on my back as I sobbed. "It's okay to let go, just let it out, okay?"

I sobbed quietly and she just sat there as my support system, giving me comfort as I let out the hurt in my heart. After a moment of silence, she spoke up.

"You need to let it go, like really, really let it go" I went out of her hold and looked at her "Morgan, you need to learn to forgive and let go of your pain so that your heart can heal" she took a deep breath in, closed her eyes and let them out after about three seconds before her eyes were looking into mine.

"You aren't the only one who has experienced bad events in life. It's not the end of the world, you're alive and well, so holding on to the sorrow and pain you once felt will never give you the chance to enjoy life to its fullest" she held my hands in hers and smiled a bit.

A sigh escaped her lips and she tucked her hair behind her ear and then looked away "I have been in a similar situation before" she said then let out a light chuckle "It's all in the past now" she waved her hand, shook her head and looked back at me "I think I need to share them with you"