Nothing Without You

VII: Deepcuts and Volatile Love

Now | Adelaide

He no longer wore glasses.

That was the first thing I noticed about Christian.

The second thing I noticed about him was how big he got.

He used to be a scrawny guy and now... now, he was big. Big muscles underneath his shirt, broad shoulders. He was uselessly sculpted so perfectly.

I could tell by the way his shirt would plaster against him. When he put his elbows on the counters, I could see the outlines of his biceps—years worth of hard work underneath the piece of fabric.

He wasn't the same boy I knew. The same boy who made me fall in love with him, but in front of me was the same man who broke my heart. He looked at me like I stole everything from him. When really it was him who stole everything from me. My heart, my soul, my whole fucking sanity.

Yet, he looked at me like that. Asshole. A fucking asshole. There was no point of him being handsome when on the inside, he was rotten.

Christian Hayes was nothing to me. He would never be anything to me. Even if he chose to sign the contract and helped me out of the goodness in his heart, if he has any, I will never look at him the same way I used to. I couldn't. Not after the way he embarrassed me all those years ago.

The wounds have healed, but there are scars that I can't remove. He blamed me for everything, although I didn't know what it was he blamed me for which is what made me hate him.

If I had cheated on him, I'd understand. If there was something that happened between us, I'd understand. But nothing. Nothing had happened before he broke up with me on text and then disappeared right after his mother's funeral.

He didn't even look at me that day.

How can you love someone so much one day and the next you don't?

He made me hate love and I'll never forgive him for it.

A part of me wanted him to take away my offer so I didn't have to be in his presence ever again. If he agrees, I would have to spend a year with him. Days mattered to me and with him they would go to waste.

Except, would it really go to waste?

The women that worked for me suffered because I couldn't stand up for them as their boss. People like Todd needed to be put to an end and I would see to it that that happens.

I sat in my car, fingers dancing on the steering wheel. Contemplation and overthinking was going to be the end of me.

The night was in full motion. Stars up in the sky, the moon shone bright. Everything was how it always was, except nothing was the same. Nothing would be the same after this.

The worst that could happen from this is Christian says no and I go back to being the company's little puppet. But I needed power and Christian had a lot of it. If he said no, I wouldn't be able to do anything.

I rested my head against the steering wheel. If only I could steer my life into the right direction for once...

My phone binged with a message.