Nothing Without You

VIII: Tears of a Broken Woman

Now | Adelaide

My phone fell to the ground as I got up in haste and made a run for it. If she was having another episode, there was nothing I could do to calm her down.

The door flung open as I reached the last step.

Eda stood there with her dishevelled hair and her hospital gown slipping down one shoulder. The IV bag rolled with her. She was looking directly at me, but it wasn't me she was looking at.

She said nothing as she stared. Her face numb from the feeling of not knowing what was happening to her.

I took a cautious step towards her, which was a mistake.

Her face morphed into fear... into regret? Before it suddenly relaxed and her body went limp. A creepily eerie smile was now painted on her face. "It's you," she beamed and glowed in all of the brightness I didn't have.

This was exactly what I thought it was.
"Laura, come here!" She struggled to walk over to me like she hadn't walked in years. "I have something to show you."

The tears fought against my eyelids at the sound of my mother's name.

Swallowing the lump of sadness for both my dead mom and a wounded Eda, I replied. "What is it?"

When I reached her, she wrapped a bony hand around my wrist and pulled me into her room, which smelt bitter and antiseptic. It was dark. The only light that came from the moon shone bright but there was no warmth in the space. Only remnants of whatever the sun was. In some ways, I was the sun to her. Being here for her every day, sleeping next to her when the sound buzzed in her ears, speaking to her in delicate tones even when she'd scratch me and scream at me. Isn't that what the sun was? Shining despite being burned?

"When I heard the news, I was ecstatic." Eda's eyes were wide and manic. Every time she'd have an episode, I'd sit through it with her. I had been through so many of them, it was an extension of my life now.

"What news?" I asked gently.

Her fingers started to hurt. "The one about the baby. Your baby." Her face softened, "I can't believe I'm going to be an auntie to your child."

Her mind shifted to the old days with my mom. I didn't remember much, but I remembered her smile.

I smiled as forcefully as I could. Pretend. That was all I had to do. Eventually she'd be okay. I had to keep reminding myself that we would get better.

"You're quiet, you're never quiet." Eda let go of my wrist and sat at the edge of her bed, patting the space next to her.

A second passed and a deep breath later. "Me? Quiet?" I shook my head and played along. "It must be the baby inside of me. Ever since I found out I was pregnant, it's been peaceful."

"She must be taking away all your thoughts."

"She?" I asked. This meant there was a part of Eda that remembered me.

"You told me you know it's gonna be a girl." The look she gave me was dumbfounded "Are you having second thoughts about that?"

"No," I shook my head and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "No, I'm just... I don't remember telling you that."

She took my hands and sandwiched them in her hands. "I came to Turkey last week and you told me then that you knew the girl inside your belly would never let you down and she'd be a blessing to have."