Nothing Without You

XVI: Redrawing Scars

Now | Adelaide

If I had it in me to say sorry, I wouldn't be the man I am today. I wouldn't be this weak.

His words. God, are you there? I need strength to survive him once again.

There was nothing worse than hearing the regret itch terribly in his voice. Something he couldn't quite scratch on his own.

Christian and I had years worth of distance, years worth of love turning into hate, and years worth of something I will always end up regretting. But the regret he felt at that moment, speaking on the opposite side of the door, that regret was going to eat him alive.

My blood boiled at the sight of him but I couldn't let that ruin his life. If he kept at it, it would. I would never let myself live completely if I didn't relieve him of it. It was human of me to want to help him, not loving of me. Christian will always be the man who broke my heart, that is all I will ever allow him to be. There is no future for us.

"You can't possibly be thinking about marrying him, Addie."

I straightened and brushed away the thoughts for another time. Qura stood with her hands on her hips, already changed into her nurse attire. "Qura," I sighed. "I am marrying him."

"What for?" Her eyes narrowed. "Why marry that boy when you can marry any man you want?"

There was a time when Christian was all I wanted.

"I know, but this," she kept her eyes on me when I walked past her to stop in front of the stairs. Sweat trickled at the back of my neck, winter was still in full motion but the hint of spring was there, the heat of the room and the intensity of Qura's gaze were burning me out in more ways than one. "It's business," I said. "Marrying Christian is strictly business."

"Really?" She asked. "Does your heart agree with this business?"

My heart thumped. It didn't. It knew that business with Christian could never be just business. It was impossible to not feel something for your first love. You'd have to be made out of stone or be inhuman for those feelings to be completely gone. If people could hurt others without remorse, then I could feel those emotions without acting upon them.

"Yes," I looked back at her with a smile. "It does."

She didn't look convinced and I didn't feel that way either.

"Adelaide," a voice came from the top of the stairs. Stern, and a tone I was well-acquainted with. "Are you back from work?"

"Aunty?" I peered closely at the figure walking down. Her eyes brightened, mischief cornered at every end, laced with pieces of remembrance and livelihood. This was Eda, the woman who took care of me and brought me up. My armour, my protection, my aunt. Today she remembered me. She was back to being herself.

My feet moved without a second thought to hug her, to feel her heartbeat against mine, to feel the warmth, and the existence of who she is to me. She wrapped her arms around me without hesitance, "We've only been apart for a couple of hours" her laugh vibrated through my chest. "You're acting like it's been years since we last saw each other." With that, I tightened my hold on her. It had been seven years since the accident. She woke up a different person every single day, but today, she was my aunt again. A person I cherished a lot.

"Right," I blinked away the tears and smiled up at her. "It's only been a day."

"Would you like something to eat?" She headed towards the kitchen, barely glancing at Qura who was looking at Eda with a frown. As a nurse, she had the responsibility of noting Eda's changes, but as my friend and a woman, she was worried about the effect this would have on me.