Station 429

the night of tears

the night of tears

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Colleen couldn't have waited any longer for the next group meeting at the station. Somewhat because she actually couldn't wait to see Misty again (shocker, right?), but mainly because she was missing her best friends terribly again. She didn't know exactly how they would help her with this problem, but they hadn't let her down before and didn't think they were going to start now.

When Foster saw her walking in, late yet again, he shook his head from his spot outside the train. "What is with the tardiness lately?" he teased when she was within ear shot.

"Oh, shut up," Colleen threw back.

Foster put his hand to his chest in mock hurt. "Ouch, that one stung a bit."

Colleen only rolled her eyes and stepped around him, heading inside.

Misty when seeing Colleen, immediately got up and said, "Hey, Colleen," while wrapping her arms around her.

"Hey," Colleen responded, with considerably less enthusiasm.

When she pulled back, her smile dulled a little bit as she took in Colleen's less than peppy expression.

"What's wrong?" Kendall asked from her spot next to Owen, momentarily stopping their bickering.

"Oh, um-" Colleen looked to her right and bit her lip slightly. She felt a little trapped, what with Misty's hands still on her shoulder, but she took a breath and composed herself. She was still getting used to this whole honesty thing. "I'm just missing my friends, that's all."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Foster asked as he stepped into the train. They all knew the friends she was talking about by now. Colleen looked over her shoulder to him as he sat down, crossing one ankle over his other knee.

"Yeah," Nathan said. He set the college textbook he was reading on the ground and adjusted his glasses on his nose better. "Maybe we could help." He patted the seat in between him and Kendall, and Misty gave Colleen's shoulders a squeeze of reassurance.

Colleen chewed on her lip again, but looked back to Misty, whose expression was unwavering. "I think that maybe I should just tell you guys some things about them," she finally said.

"Okay," Misty said while nodding, taking a few steps back and moving to her chair.

Colleen did the same. Once she was settled in for what was sure to be a long discussion, she asked, "What do you guys want to know first?"

"Their names," Owen answered, getting a small chuckle out of everyone, including Colleen.

"Right. Well, the friend who committed suicide last year was Naomi. Then my other friend's name is Hope."

"That's sort of ironic," Dustin said, to which Colleen nodded.

"Hope was always the optimistic one, but I guess I'll get to that in a second. I think I should start with Naomi." She cleared her throat as the rest of them waited patiently, giving her the time that she needed. "Naomi was the spark between the three of us. She always had the strong opinion, the will to fight. That's why when she killed herself, it was kind of a shock for everyone. No one even had the slightest suspicion that something was wrong."

She took in a short breath again, twisting her bracelets around her wrist, thinking of the two girls along with all of her new friends. She was trying her hardest not to cry. "In her note, she said she was tired of dealing with the idiots of this world. God, that sounds exactly like her, too," she choked out with a small smile as she remembered.

"Did she have any family issues or anything that would have caused her to do it?" Misty asked, eyebrows creased.

"Well, we don't really know why for sure. Her parents were great, and her little brother was absolutely adorable. The only thing we could think of was the fact that she had a few relationships fall through with the popular crowd and a rough break- up with one of the guys within that group, and that her hard demeanor towards that group of people at school was just a mask to hide her hurt."

"Wait, did she never tell you guys exactly what happened in her letter?" Kendall asked.

Colleen shook her head, which sent Kendall speechless- one of the few times her life where she couldn't find the words she wanted to say. Colleen took that as her cue to continue. "Hope was really positive through it all, or tried to be, at least. We all really appreciated her for it, accept for the fact that she was dealing with her own turmoil inside her."

"Back up and tell us more about her," Owen said.

"Okay." Colleen sat up straighter, thinking about how to describe her. "She was the smart one. Always had her nose in a book, and kept straight As, even in advanced classes. She lived that really healthy lifestyle, physically and mentally, and was just always happy, which was why her suicide was such a shock, too.

"Her note was heartbreaking. She was really into deep quotes and stuff with meaning, and it really made the note stick with you." Colleen began to tear up at the thoughts of her best friend's letter. "She said that she was so sorry, but that if Naomi couldn't live in this cruel world, then she couldn't either."

She let out a sob, tried suppressing it with a hand clamped over her mouth, but it didn't do much. She shut her eyes, feeling Nathan's hand on her back, and let her tears spill over. Foster, who was sitting on Nathan's other side, couldn't bare to watch- was having a hard time staying in the train at all- and lowered his gaze to the ground.

"I saw it too," Colleen continued. "I saw how the light would dim from her eyes each day after Naomi's funeral. I could see her slipping away, and I didn't know what to do. I thought it was just a phase, something that would go away after she finished her grieving, but it sucked the life right out of her, and took her away instead."

"It's not your fault," Misty said.

Colleen wiped the tears from underneath her eyes in an attempt to compose herself slightly. "Everyone keeps saying that, but I could've done something to help her, and I didn't."

"You can't put that weight on yourself," Dustin said. "You were dealing with your own grief over Naomi. It's understandable that you didn't know what to do because you were just as confused as Hope was."

Colleen looked down at her hands. Kendall had wrapped her arm around Colleen's shoulder at some point, just as Nathan had. Nathan leaned closer to Colleen and said, "I know it might sound cliché, but they loved you so much."

Colleen took in one big, final breath. Her heart still ached for her best friends, but the talking helped some. The only thing left for her to do was to take it day by day. It seemed utterly impossible before Station 429, but she was coming to realize that maybe these people were here to stay. Or that she was here to stay, rather, because she wasn't going anywhere any time soon.

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dedicated to belle (@kimpossibelle) for writing the genius that is awkward and her amazingly clever username.

song is sad by maroon 5.

this is one of those chapters that i've been waiting to write for so long (a lot of these will be coming up soon, actually). please leave me feedback on it and don't forget to vote and comment!

-abby xx