Station 429

the night of unsteadiness

the night of unsteadiness

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In their twenties. Not married or engaged, but just dating. He likes dogs, she doesn't?  Colleen shook her head at how ridiculous that was. Twenties. Dating. Both like dogs. She smiled slightly, approving herself. She has a past, he has a future.

This was the game she had created—figuring out the lives of the couple in the picture she found the night her and Foster fought. She had been drawn to it for the past few days, wondering who these people were, and had been making guesses about them ever since. Whenever she thought of something that sounded good, she would add it to her list of facts she was creating about them. That was as far as she had gotten with the list.

The picture had also given her a good distraction from what she really should have been thinking about (Foster), which was something that she didn't even want to bother with. He hadn't made an effort to come to her, she thought, so why should she waste her time thinking about him and trying to fix things?

Needless to say, she was hurt. Everything he said hit her in a place that hadn't been touched before. She had never experienced a hurt like this before (besides Naomi and Hope), and her first instinct when trying to handle it was to get lost in something other than her pain.

She had deliberately avoided the station on nights she knew Foster would be here. Still, coming on the other nights was a gamble. She had yet to run into him, but she knew her luck would have to run out eventually. And so it would.

Twenties. Dating. Dogs. She has a past, he has a future, she thought, looking down at the picture. He has a good sense of-

She stopped her train of thought, hearing footsteps just outside of the train. Frozen in place, she waited to see where they were going. To her displeasure, they were getting closer, and were paired with a voice.

"Colleen?" Foster called, sending shivers up Colleen's spine.

Shit, she thought. She looked around the train, trying to see if there was a place to hide. When she decided that hiding behind a chair would have to do, it was too late. Foster was in the doorway.

He stood there, she sat, locked in a stare for a moment. Colleen didn't know what to do; she clutched onto the picture for dear life, yet being careful not to damage it, so she wouldn't do something she'd regret.

"You've been avoiding me," said Foster.

"So have you," Colleen threw back.

Foster dropped his head, only to pull it back up seconds later."I've been an asshole, I know. And I'm sorry."

"Goddamn it, Foster," Colleen said, shaking her head. "You always do this."

Foster's eyebrows came together. "What do you mean?"

"Every time you mess up, you come back around and apologize, and expect everything to be fine afterwords. But what if it doesn't make things okay? What are you going to do then?"

Foster bit down on his bottom lip and squinted before taking cautious steps inside. Colleen looked down at her picture, rubbing both of her thumbs over the glossy surface. She felt him sit down next to her, but she didn't look up.

"I don't expect it to fix things," he said to her. "I know that I've messed up pretty bad this time. I just needed some time."

An image of Owen popped up in Colleen's mind instantly. He had kept his promise. "Some time to do what?"

"Think some things through." Colleen waved her hand, signaling him to explain, but still wouldn't look at him. "I've been thinking about my dad and what you said about closure, and I don't think that I ever got it because his suicide was so sudden. So," he paused to take in a deep breath,"I think I'm going to go visit his grave."

Finally, Colleen shot her eyes up in shock. Her mouth almost fell open, too, but she was able to contain herself. "Really?"

Foster nodded, a small smile on his face. "Yeah. Nothing is for sure because there's still some stuff to work out. Like if I want my mom or someone to come with me, or if I even have the will to go, but yeah. It's a possibility."

"That's cool that you're thinking about it," Colleen said, sounding slightly disappointed still.

"Thanks," he replied. There was a lapse in conversation, in which Colleen returned to playing with the photograph in between her finger tips, and Foster continued to stare at her. "Why do I feel like you're still upset?"

Colleen sighed. Twenties. Dating, Dogs, she repeated in herhead like a mantra. Her past, his future. He has a good sense of humor, she tacked on to the end. "It's just—you shut me out,"she said. "That really sucked. I didn't know what was going to happen."

Foster brought a hand up to rub his face. He looked really tired all of the sudden. "I wish there was something else that I could say besides I'm sorry," he said, "but there isn't." He looked over at Colleen, seeing her eyes on the picture. "Hey," he said in order to get her attention. When she looked up at him, he said, "I need you to hold onto me."

Colleen could feel tears welling up in her eyes again. She was feeling so many things—anger, sadness, hope—that it was beginning to become overwhelming.

Twenties, she repeated to herself.  "Why me?" she asked out loud, softly.

"Because--"

Dating.

"If you let go--"

Dogs.

"I'll fall."

Colleen lost her train of thought because she was terrified of this.

"And I know that I'm not the most reliable person sometimes."

"True," Coleen said under her breath. They both smiled.

"And I know that people shouldn't be so reliant on other people," Foster continued, "because we make mistakes. But sometimes, it's what we have to do to keep from feeling alone all the time."

There was nothing Colleen knew better than what he was saying, but she had her experiences with people who make mistakes. They sent waves of pain through her life, and she wasn't sure how much more she could take. She was terrified of it all disappearing, of it all just fading away, like so much else. She hated these gambles, but she couldn't escape them no matter how hard she tried.

Colleen looked down at the picture again, looked at how close they were. Twenties, she began again. Dating. Dogs. Her past, his future. Humor. They take each other's weight equally. Stability.

There was one thing she knew, and that was If she were to let go of Foster, not only would he fall, but she would as well. He was the only stability she had since Naomi. The only person who didn't force her into feeling better, but was willing to listen when she wanted to talk. He was there to understand, to resonate, to fight with her, to push her. If she lost him, she would lose it all.

Colleen reached over and took Foster's hand. "You're not the only one who's unsteady," she said. "And I can't lose you." 

Foster didn't say anything. They sat there, holding on for dear life while trying to beat their minds. And what do you know? They were close to the finish line.

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song is unsteady by x ambassadors.

i really liked this chapter and i hope you did too:)

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ily thanks for reading!

-abby xx