Foresight [STARWARS x OC]

A Necessary but Painful Discussion

I had only just begun getting back into business with the Republic and my path to recovery after the loss of my leg had contacted me. Before even then, I had been avoiding Obi-Wan due to our inherent past, but now I felt myself trying not to skirt too harshly around him. I'd give him a nod and he'd have a hopeful, albeit awkward, smile to give in response. I knew he was likely conflicted, since this only gave away the fact he'd broken one of the rules of the Jedi Order that he lived by. But he had to be better- do better. And this was a learning experience for him, and he fell into it more and more by the week.

Anakin contacted me about a mission having to do with Mandalore. Immediately I was against going. Mandalore meant running into my mother, and that was something I still didn't want to do, and I definitely didn't feel entirely ready for after figuring out Kenobi was my father. I still hadn't confronted her about that, or the lies, so I knew it'd be a bad idea.

In response to my immediate refusal, he convinced me to meet with him.

We stood outside beside a tree, my helmet slung under my arm. I'd melted it down and constructed it to look more similarly to a clone helmet. I liked it better that way- the clones felt more like family than the Mandalorians I'd grown up with.

"Here." He handed me a tablet, to which I arched a curious brow, but I took it nonetheless. Scrolling through it, I found numerous notes and letters meant for me, all from the same sender:

Satine Kryse.

"They've been sent nonstop, even after you left the order. I think she believed we'd get them to you anyway." Anakin told me, leaning against the tree and looking back at the building. "And you've been holding onto them?" I asked, looking up at him with a bewildered expression while handing the datapad back. "Not me. Plo. He insisted upon it. He's actually the one that thinks you should go." I frowned deeper. "Then why doesn't he tell me himself?" I asked, throwing up my arms and falling back to lean up against the tree beside Anakin. "He's not involved with the mission, Koi. I don't think he's even supposed to know about it!"

I pursed my lips, deep in thought. Even after I left the order, I always knew to trust Plo's words. Even now, I couldn't help but allow my bias to coerce me into going. A sigh escaped my lips. "I'll go." I groaned, rubbing my temple. "Happy to hear it. And if you want, you can keep your helmet on so you don't have to confront anything until you're ready." I smiled. "Thanks."

The missions that followed were... odd, to say the least. Apparently Obi-Wan had been signed on to go initially, and Anakin just ended up going as a sort of back up, or a check for Obi-Wan. The reason I was there was because of Plo inadvertently convincing me, and to keep the both of them in check.

Obi-Wan knew I was there, but when he let certain things slip to Satine, it was as though I weren't there. At the same time, it felt as though he was glad I was there to hear it, so I knew how he felt too.

"If you had said the word, I would have left the Order for you."

Those words made me feel three very contradicting things all at once. At first, it made my heart swell and warm with an odd sense of glee and love. Then, I felt it break at the realization that I knew no such thing truly happened, and could no longer happen, my stomach dropping with sorrow. Then, my blood boiled. I was furious. That was all it would have taken? A word? Why hadn't she just said it?! I could have had a father- a happier, more normal life!

It brought up an old hurt I thought I'd buried after my short talk with Kenobi and the long lasting embrace while going through the loss of my leg. But things that run this deep cannot be fixed with reassuring words and kind sayings and a good hug. A hug helps, but does nothing to help close the book on such an issue.