Do You Trust Me? // Bucky Barnes

37

Bucky

There was nothing. Nothing in the mountains of paperwork he had detailing the life of Sharon Carter. Nothing on the darker side of the web. Nothing any of his informants could tell him. Nothing. Teddy Hall was a ghost, long forgotten and abandoned in the real world. And Bucky was hurting.

Dropping his head into his hands, he sighed deeply as he closed his eyes and tried to piece it all together one last time. There had been an accident. Teddy Hall had been blue lighted to hospital.  Louisa MacArthur Hall had been pronounced DOA. Hospital records showed Teddy had been rushed to surgery, but that he'd bled out on the table. He'd been cremated like many other victims of the snap's remnants. And from there the trail was cold. 

Bucky knew Sharon had gotten to Teddy somewhere between the accident and his 'death'. He knew she orchestrated it all, but he couldn't understand when, or how, or why. He had so many questions and with radio silence from the one woman who had more access to these files than he did, he felt like he was drowning. He felt like he was disappointing Ava. He felt like he was failing her.

As he swung his chair away from the desk, frustration dripping from his pores and leaving him stewing in his anger, the door to the little house they occupied crashed open and Ava shouted down the hallway.

"Buck!"

His heart was in his throat, instantly, and he darted to the doorway of the study just as she crashed into the room, tangling in his arms as he steadied them both and bringing her hands to his chest as she blinked up at him.

"Bucky. I know what to do. How to - I can - I think if we just use Peter then we might be able - maybe - we should be able to find him." She was panting as she rambled, a thin sheen of sweat coating her skin and sticking her hair to her forehead, and as Bucky reached up to brush the hair away from her eyes he felt his anxieties lessen and his heart beat soften. He felt her bring a semblance of peace to his mind.

"What are you saying, sweetheart?" He pressed his lips to the shell of her ear as he wrapped her in his arms, and for a moment she seemed too stuck to speak. Like his embrace was unexpected. He supposed, really, in this moment it was. She'd crashed in and he'd immediately caught her up in him and felt the need to keep her close, so as she spoke he wrapped around her, inhaled her, kissed the softness of her skin, closed his eyes and relaxed into her. He knew she probably wasn't expecting his affections in this way. During the day their touches were gentle brushes of his fingers over her hip, and soft kisses to her shoulders as he passed her in the kitchen, or his hand slipped into hers when they had to venture out to the store. Embraces had lead to sex... or at least some fooling around. They'd never really hugged just to hug before. Bucky wanted it to last forever. And when her body relaxed and she wrapped her arms around his neck, her fingers weaving into his hair to gently scratch at his scalp, he sighed contentedly. 

"You okay, Buck?" She whispered into his neck as he held her.

"Just needed to hold you for a minute," he confessed. "What were you trying to say, about Peter?"

"Right." She stayed wrapped up in him as he lifted her swiftly and moved towards the couch in the tiny living room, dropping down with her on his lap and still never letting their embrace end. "He has this tech, right - Stark tech - and I think he could possibly be able to use it to trace any sightings or any hidden locations or whatever. He said it in passing, but I think it could work. I think it could be the key to finding Teddy."

***

Ava

If she hadn't been wrapped around him like some Koala, clinging tightly to him and soaking in his gentle affection, she wouldn't have noticed it. But she was. And she did. He tensed. His muscles bunched and his breathing stuttered and he tensed in her arms.

"Buck."

"It's not that it's not a good idea, Sweetheart, it's just -"

"Don't do that." She pushed at his shoulders as she clambered off of him, her chest tightening with the distance she was putting between them. "Don't."

"Ava, I just need a few more days."

"No." Her head shook as she blinked back the threat of tears. "No you don't. I love you, Bucky, I love you so much and you are trying so hard, but this is killing you already and we have nothing to show for it. You didn't even come to bed last night. You barely look at me when we talk and I feel... I feel like..." Her words caught on a barely hidden sob and she dropped her head into her hands as her knees came up to her chest. "I feel like when you touch me your mind is somewhere else and I need you. I need you. I don't need you to fix this, or to be the one to save him, I just need you, and if we don't get someone else to help us, James, you're going to sink into this and I'm going to lose you. I can feel it already and I - I don't want to lose you."

She felt the dip of the couch as he moved closer and the cool caress of vibranium as his fingers tangled in her hair. She felt the strength of his arms as he wrapped around her and lifted her, cradling her to his chest. She felt the brush of his lips over her shoulder, her neck, her head. She felt his chest shaking and his warmth seeping into her. She felt him, and she cried as she curled into his arms.

"You're not losing me, baby," he soothed. "I'm right here and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I just hate that he's out there and he doesn't know you're looking for him. I hate that he's alone and you're hurting. I hate that someone out there, someone who loves you so much, thinks they've lost you and you are suffering for it. I hate it, Sweetheart, and I just want to make the pain go away. For both of you."

She sobbed as she wrapped around him once more, her face buried in the crook of his neck and her hands clawing at his t-shirt as he rocked her gently and whispered soft words against her skin.

"Just a few more days, baby. A few more days and then the doc should have some information, okay? And if she doesn't, if she's got nothing we can use, I promise we'll head straight to Queens, together. Okay?" He held her closer as she nodded and her tears started to subside, and she breathed in the comforting scent of him. "I love you so much, Ava. I just... I hate that I can't fix this."

"I know," she whispered, pulling away to look into the crystal blue eyes now stained with dark fears and painful possibilities. "And I love you even more for trying, James, but this isn't yours to fix. I need you to need me right now. More than you need to fix it, because it's killing me every second that I don't know he's okay, and I feel so alone."

His lips pressed lightly against her jaw, trailing slowly up to her lips, and he sighed into their kiss.

"You aren't alone, Ava. You're never going to be alone. Not while I'm around. Okay?" His forehead pressed against her own as his eyes closed and Ava let the silence around them settle before she answered.

"Okay." 

"What now?" He asked on an exhale.

"Now, we work together. No more locking yourself away and pushing me out."

"Okay," he agreed.

"But first, I need to shower."

Bucky chuckled as his eyes opened and Ava felt her heart patching itself back up with the lazy sort of half smile he offered her. She leant in once more and placed a gentle kiss against the corner of his lips.

"I think we need to do that together too," he mumbled, turning his face to hers fully and tapping her in a soft and loving kiss. "In fact, I think everything needs to be done together now. Showers, sleep, changing. All of it."

A wild laugh burst from her chest as Bucky stood suddenly, sweeping her up with him, and started marching towards the bathroom down the hall. 

"I think I have some work to do." He grinned as he kicked the bathroom door open. "Gotta apologise to my girl properly."

"Oh yeah?" Ava blushed when he placed her before him and dropped to his knees. 

"Yep. Had her feeling all kinds of shit because I wasn't thinking." He untied her laces slowly, his eyes never leaving hers, and she steadied herself on his shoulder when he lifted her foot to remove her shoe. "Now I need to show her how much I love her, and make her feel good again..."