The Day Earth Died

16. Price of Survival

Fog is everywhere around me. I prop myself up with my elbows. I'm sitting down in the Square's soupy mud. It's... empty. There isn't anybody around. I can't hear the kids chattering, or the river flowing, or the wind blowing. Nothing, just silence and I, alone together.

I stand up. My clothes are drenched but I can't smell the earthiness of the mud, nor the sulphur of the train, nor the crispiness of the nearby river. I can't smell anything. I start walking home. My boots are sucked into the ground but I can't hear it. Even my breath doesn't make any noise. I pass in the vacant streets. The storefronts are open but there isn't anybody inside. There are playing cards strewn on a doorstep. Windows are open; curtains forlornly flutter inside houses. It's like everybody left in a hurry. Everybody but me.

I barge into our house. Mum isn't there. On the table, quarters of apple along with pieces of bread taunt me from a plate. Our cleanest plate. The one I reserve for mum only. My heart batters against my ribs, it burns.

"Mu—" I stop myself.

My voice... I can't hear it. I can't feel it vibrate in my throat. Tears mar my sight.

"Mum!" I shout until my lungs are devoid of air. Nothing.

I drop to my knees, tears soaking my face. I can't hear my cries. I sit on my knees and rise my hands to my face, quietly sobbing.

"Someone... Someone help me..." I try again, knowing very well it will be in vain.

I don't know how much time it takes me to calm down. I stay on our wooden floor for a while, until I can bear to stand back up. I feel numb, I want to throw up, my insides are on fire. I want to go back home. I want to leave. I want everything to stop. Despite what I want, I head out the door and run to Amell's house.

There isn't anybody inside, yet it's not empty. Pain floats in it, thicker than the fog that engulfs the neighbourhood. Dark blood seeps into the cracks of the wooden flooring. Broken pieces of crockery litter the room. The table is shattered into shards of varnished wood.

I cross the room, boots leaving red prints behind me. There are bunks on the other side. One set of two only. In the bed above, tucked under the covers, is a worn-out teddy bear. Shawnee's. I inspect the lower bunk. Under the pillow is a knife. My mind stiffs as my eyes lock on it. I step back. Again. And again. Until I'm out of the room, feelings scattered around. I run to the orphanage.

The doors feel even heavier as I push them open. Empty. Fog lingers inside and rises to mock the high, angular ceiling. The plants are wilted. Life has slipped away from them, as it has slipped away from the neighbourhood. I approach a potted plant that's set near the door. It doesn't look just as shrivelled as the others. I wonder if some water could help it live and decide to give it a shot. I exit the orphanage and jog up to a barrel of water. I dip my hands in and cup some liquid out. It's biting cold against my skin. I carefully bring the water back and yank my hands away to let it splatter into the soil of the plant. I watch the liquid gradually soak through. I don't know why I'm doing this. It doesn't make sense. I leave the orphanage again.

I head to Mar's pharmacy to satisfy my familiarity craving. The bell quietly shakes as I enter the shop. Goosebumps crawl on my skin. My tears have dried on my face. My throat carries a lump that grows bigger every minute. I hate it. I want to go back home. I want to leave. I want everything to stop. On the counter, the bag of red pills jeers at me. I let it. My gaze fixedly rests on them for a while. I idly shove my hand in and grab a handful. A sudden consideration hits me. What if I chug down all of them? The question doesn't linger long. I chuck them in my mouth and dry swallow a handful, and another, and another. My heart thrums, my head spins, my legs give out, my eyes screw close. And I die.

That night, I had my first nightmare.