7.11.22 Sensitive topic especially since I'm 15. But I've written about this before in my introduction. This is about to get super personal. So don't read if you don't care about that.
I've like older guys before I've ever even heard of this Lolita aesthetic. But I definitely do think I was influenced by pretty little liars, my girl, and even Aaliyah (who I'm named after) song "age ain't nothing but a number". And I had an experience in middle school that has kind of stuck with me because it was the first really bad thing I'd ever done. It was middle school and I was going through puberty so my first ever crush being a teacher...
To make a long story short I told him that I liked him. Idk what I thought was gonna happen. Again mind you I haven't watched Lolita or the crush so I wasnt mimicking anything. And he basically told me we could be friends and I could still see him after school. (Cause it was a half a year class so I wasn't gonna see him for the rest of the year). And I told my mom when I got home cause I was so obviously confused. I was 13 and he was like 42 with a wife and kids (that he did talk about). Not even to mention he was white. And my mom totally demonized me for it. Even though I was obviously naive and didn't understand that me having feelings for this grown ass man was wrong. And for the longest time I spent rejecting those natural feelings I had. And lying to myself because I was so ashamed that that even happened. So I tried to forget about him and tried to figure why I even found attractive about him. And usually when a young girl has a "thing" for older men it's because they have daddy issues. Which I thought was the case. But it's actually the total opposite. My mom has always been the messed up when and my dad the more empathetic one. He always listens to my dreams and my feelings. I found this on Reddit and I think it explains why I am attracted to older men.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
Which is really funny because all I can remember. (Because I froget everything that happened cause I think it low key traumatized) I remember being like "your just like my dad" "my dads a libra too!" Etc. So I think it stems from that. He was super charming and intelligent like my dad. My dad is constantly having girls like him because he is so smart and charming. So it's no coincidence. I just think it's so interesting how childhood and your parents affect who you are so much.
But i don't regret it. Because I truly honestly am not interested in teenage boys/ boys my age. They are so immature and they don't know who they are. And their so ignorant and wouldn't even know how to talk to a girl like me. I have a older guy friend (one of few he is 17 btw) and he told me guys don't talk to me because they think I'm intimidating and mean and that I'll turn them down easily. Which I would but the fact that there so scared to simply talk to me is what flatters me.
And I've figured out my type and I am sure I will not find this type of guy in younger boys. I want to date man not a child. The only reason I crush on teachers is because I am not old enough to just be going out on the town scoping out older guys to have crushes on. I've already said many times I won't date till I'm 18 anyway so by that time it doesn't matter how old my partner is because I'll be grown and I'm planning to be out the house by then.
That's all I got for now. Peace🫶🏽
My type:
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
Things I like about them Idk the idea of a younger girl dating an older man is appealing to me. And again always has been since the ripe age of 13 or even 12. Since their older they (not all of them) will have a car and their own money meaning they can take care of you like your a little spoiled princess. Their (not all of them) wiser than you and have more experience than you. (Including things like sex) they usually know who they are by then and aren't changing anytime soon. So there's no suing you until they find out who they are. They've also grown into their looks by then so there's no wonder if they'll still look this good in a couple of years. Because they've finished growing. They (not all of them I'm not stupid) are mature. And since girls do mature faster than men
