scars and stars (matt sturniolo x y/n)

as long as youre here, im happy

my eyes barely open due to the bright light above me.

"Matt?" i ask, wondering if he's okay.

"hey doc! she's awake," i can hear Chris yell into the hallway. i turn my head to his direction and see him coming back into the room.

"Chris?" i ask.

"hey y/n, how are you feeling?" he asks.

"where is Matt," i ignore his question.

"Matt's um," his bottom lip quivers. hell. no. i get out of the stupid hospital bed im in and head for the door. Chris gets in the way, holding my shoulders and not letting me leave.

"y/n please sit down," he says, tears filling his eyes. fun fact: i cant handle boys crying, therefore i sit down. Chris sighs and waits a few seconds to start talking.

"Matt got a concussion when his head hit the tile yesterday. on the way here, he fell asleep. a-and now he's..." he uses his hands to cover his face and sobs. i hug him and feel his trembling body against mine. Chris's sobs get a little quieter and he locks eyes with me.

"he's in a coma, y/n. a-and they don't know when he'll wake up," he says, immediately hugging me and sobbing.
suddenly, the world stopped. my body's in the room but i'm not there. Matt's in a coma and it's my fault. his brothers are going to have to live without him.. i snap back to reality when Nick walks into the room.

"y/n!" he says. i look at him, then at Chris. two triplets who have grown up with Matt. sharing endless memories together, endless laughter, and always being side by side. i can't help but start to sob along with Chris. Nick sits down next to Chris and i and hugs us. i can feel him start to cry too, even though he's trying to hide it.

"i'm so sorry," i say in between sobs.

"this isn't your fault, y/n," Nick says.

"yes it is," i reply.

"it isn't y/n. you had no idea that this was going to happen. and you're hurt too," Nick says. oh yeah.. i look down at my bandaged wrists. and shut my eyes tightly, trying to suppress the memories from coming back. the boy's pull away from our hug and stand up as a nurse walks into the room.

"how are you feeling, y/n?" she asks.

"fine. can i see Matt?" i ask.

"i think you should probably go home and get changed first," she says. "or have someone come bring you clothes?" i nod and notice my phone on a table. i grab it and look at all my missed messages.
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Mom: y/n what's all that noise up there?
Mom: r u ok?
Mom: hello?
Mom: why are there sirens?
Mom: y/n where are you?
*8 missed calls from Mom*
Mom: answer your phone right now
Mom: i'm checking your location
Mom: the hospital?!
Mom: im on my way
Mom: almost there honey
Mom: text me when you wake up and i'll come back.
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i shut my eyes just thinking about how worried she must've been. i type a quick message back.
"i'm awake and okay. please bring clothes" and send it.
Mom: On my way
i look up from my phone to see the boys looking at me.

"you can go see Matt if you want," i say, looking at them.

"it's Chris's turn so i'll stay with you," Nick says. i nod, showing them i understand. Chris walks towards the door and wipes his tears. i look at his trembling hands and feel guilt wash over me. he leaves the room and my head drops as tears stream down my cheeks. Nick walks back to sit next to me again. taking one hand off my knee, Nick holds my hand.

"y/n, this isn't your fault. please remember that," he says. i nod but i'm not fully convinced yet. i mean, how isn't this my fault? Nick comforts me for a few more minutes.
knock knock.
my mom wants in the room with a bag.

"oh y/n! what happened?" she says as i run to hug her.

"James.." is all i can say, not wanting to remember what happened.

"okay, okay. you don't need to explain right now," she says, petting my hair. when i let go of her, i grab the bag of my clothes and go into the bathroom to change. i'm wearing black sweatpants, a big graphic tshirt, and slides. i look in the mirror and can't help but notice a hand mark on my neck. i try to ignore it by walking out of the bathroom. when i walk out, the nurse is talking to my mom. i see my mom trying not to cry and it breaks my heart a little. i can't stand to see her like this.

"excuse me?" i ask the nurse.

"yes?" she answers.

"can i go see Matt now?" i ask, determined to see him.

"i suppose that would be okay," she says. i immediately grab Nick's hand and leave the room that seemed to be suffocating me.

"take me to him," i say, letting go of Nick's hand. we turn to the right and walk down a hallway until we get to elevators. when we get inside the small elevator, Nick presses 4, the floor that Matt's on. i pick at my nails, anxious to see Matt.

"the nurse says that there's a chance Matt can hear us so we should try talking to him as much as possible," Nick says.

"i was going to anyway," i say, still picking at my nails until the door opens. when it does, Nick starts walking to the right and i follow right behind him. he stops outside of a door and knocks three times. 2 seconds later, Chris opens the door and wipes the tears off his face.

"y/n," Chris says, surprised to see me.

"i came to see Matt," i say quietly. Chris moves so that i can see Matt. his eyes are softly shut as he sleeps peacefully. my eyes fixate on the bandage on his forehead, then travel to his eyes. their usual cotton candy blue color can't be seen. then my eyes travel to his lips, slightly pouting. my eyes wonder farther down and land on his hands. he's completely relaxed.

"hey Matt," i say, my voice cracking a little. i try to keep it steady in case he can hear me. i look back at the boys and they both leave the room to give Matt and i a little space.

"i'm so sorry this happened to you. Nick and Chris say it isn't my fault but i can't help feeling like it is. i really hope you forgive me if... when you wake up," a tear streams down my cheek but i wipe it off right away. i pull a chair next to the bed and sit in it, taking his hand. it's soft and warm and brings me comfort.
"you saved my life, you know. i don't think i could ever repay you for that. but i need you to know that i'm beyond grateful for you. a-and i do really like you Matt. i felt it since i saw you," i desperately try to hold back sobs. flashbacks to my first time seeing Matt cross my mind. he was wearing his denim jacket that fit him so well. his hair was perfectly parted down the middle. i look at Matt now and observe his messy hair and hospital gown. still incredibly handsome.
"when you wake up...we should still go on that date. i was thinking we could have a picnic and watch the stars but we can do whatever you want. as long as you're here, i'm happy."
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hey guysss!! it's bella again lol! im so thankful for u guys! i mean- almost 1k reads?! that's insane. im sorry this took a while to come out but i hope you enjoyed it... also sorry if you cried. have a great day/night 💗
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