Journal pages

Chapter 8

Zoe's Pov: Harrys been on tour for three weeks now. He kept his promises , every night he's an excited child telling me about his day. I was so proud of him. His excitement of having there own tour , makes me so happy. He's just constantly happy and it's just makes me feel his happiness too.
" LETS HIT IT " maddie yelled though my door. I had to do a shoot in Mexico and Maddies coming along. I brought her Because , Mexico's one of her favourite places. " Mads come sit on this " , she jumped on my suit case. I pulled on the zipper as it struggled to zip up. I listened to her rave about how excited she was. I brought our bags down stairs." MEXICO HERE WE COME " she yelled. I put my hand over my face. When we arrived at the airport, a swarm of paparazzi awaited. I bit my lip anxious to walk past them. I looked at my outfit , I was wearing leggings that ended past my knees. A tight black work out top and black runners. My hair was done in a high pony tail , i had no makeup on i groaned at all flashes. I got out of the car I was blinded by a sea of flashes. People shouting different things, in different directions. I toke my bags and linked my arm with Maddie ,then walked in the doors. She turned back " God their annoying " , " I know please find something else to do ". She looked at me concerned " you okay " she asked. I nodded my head " just not looking forward to the plane " , " it will be okay Zo ". She was trying to be reassuring. I hated plane rides for as long as I can remember. She rubbed my arm " just take some Benadryl and you'll rest good ". After the long process before getting on the plane,we were sitting looking out the large window. We both wore neck pillows over our necks. " Now boarding flight 24 to las cabos " . We stood in line along with others. It was first class we didn't look like we fit in. Everyone was dressed to the nines. We were dressed like we won this for free.
"we look like we're trying to sneak on" Maddie laughed. We sat down on the Seats. No matter how many times I fly first class,it never fails to amaze me. It felt like my own personal little house. I Played with my fingers , I hated flying. They were going through the safety. My fear came over me , I want to get off now. As soon as I felt the turbulence I began to panic. I couldn't fly no i couldn't. The filmier feeling arose in me , my hands became sweaty I saw the spots around me. My breathing became heavier. , I couldn't control it. I tried to go to the rest room , but I was told to sit down in my seat. I toke out my phone and jammed head phones in. The soothing sounds of a rainforest played , I practiced my breathing techniques. I inhaled in my nose then , through my mouth. I pinched my finger tip , to focus on that instead. I couldn't have a panic attack not here. I keep breathing in and out but it just became to fast. I told myself calm thoughts trying to help myself , which Is all I can do. I fumbled to open my carry on. I held a Benadryl in my hand Intel my breathing was proper. I then popped it into my Mouth. The pit in my stomach slowly went away. Soon my eyes became to heavy to keep open.

We looked outside on the patio. The sun was setting. It was so calming and beautiful. I loved sunset sets they show,all the beauty the sky has. I could hear Maddie, rummaging through her bag behind me.
" I need a drink " she yelled from behind me. We freshened up and went up to the bar. It had wicker chairs and gas fires. There wasn't many people up here , which was nice. I looked over the edge at the ocean view. I admired the empty chairs and tables. Maddie handed me a drink "Isn't it gorgeous " She asked . I nodded , we sat on a wicker bench. We talked for a while then , Two people around our age. sat across from us,We introduced ourselves , they were very nice. They told us they were husband and wife. A lot more drinks later and we're all best friends. We all went down to the beach , to find a party to join. We joined one with salsa dancers. We met lots of new people. I hadn't let loose in a long time,It was so nice to just not worry. Eventually we walked down the beach and, sat down on the sand. I had figured out our friends were Anna and Jonathan. They lived in Ireland. We bonded over how much warmer it was here. After long conversations. We decided to call it a night , Maddie and I stumbled back linked together. We went and sat on the patio. Unable to fall asleep , due to the alcohol running through our body. " Zo do you think your going to marry Harry " ? I was stunned by the question , not knowing what to say. " um I don't know " , " what do you mean you don't know of course you know ". I looked down at my feet ,as i Moved them side to side. " I know for a fact you know you want to marry him". I shifted my weight in my chair , she was right I did want to marry him. " you've been together for two almost three years , I know you two have talked about it before ". I nodded
" your right ". " I'm glad I am because he really wants to marry you". I looked up at her " what " , her eyes went wide " nothing I'm drunk ". She stood up and walked inside.

I had been on set for about five hours now. " okay one last shot of you in the water " , I walked into the water. I was wearing an all black full piece. My hair was done in tight curls , that it came into a shorter length. A big wave came and splashed my back. Someone behind the camera yelled " WERE DONE ". I held my head , I fake smiled. My head was pounding from last night. Everyone seemed to be yelling today.
I came out of the water to look at it. The photographer patted my back. I thanked everyone ,and changed into my clothes. I walked along the beach. My head pounded all day today , all I wanted to do was rest. I listened to the waves crash. The sand felt smooth, between my feet. All I can think about is having Harry here. I wanted him to hold me so bad. I wanted to feel his embrace , I craved his love more then ever before. I miss his curls , how he runs his hand through them at any given moment. I wanted him so bad , it felt like I needed him he's become my oxygen. The way he makes my heart ache , makes me want to collapse. I knew I couldn't ever, pull myself together if we broke up. I pictured my last break up , my mascara stained sheets my cracked voice when I spoke. I remember the pain of my sheets smelling of him , his sent never left my home. The hopeless voice box , making me fall apart. His voice mail is still engraved in my mind. Suddenly my eyes began to sting . The fear of mine, and Harrys relationship ending scares me everyday. He's everything I have, and everything I've ever wanted. I began to think about it so much my head hurt even more. I ran my hand through my curls. I couldn't think anymore I needed rest.

" ZOE ZOE ZOE " a voice yelled behind me. I held my hand to my temple. Maddie ran behind me she put her hands on my shoulders. She jumped behind me. " Woah why so excited " , she was out breath. " I - I MET SOMEONE ". She managed to get out , " WHAT " I turned to her. She had a huge smile on her face , " ANNA AND I WE WENT TO THE POOL ,THIS REALLY HOT GUY WAS TANNING, AND THINGS HAPPENED AND HE ASKED ME OUT ". I let out a big gasp , " yay that's great Mads ". Maddie hasn't really dated anyone, since we moved she's been focused on work. The whole way up she talked about him. I laid on the bed while she tried on outfits. She decided on a long black dress, with lace on the bottom. She had her hair In a bun , then a gold head piece. " Mads you look gorgeous " , she did a turn in the dress for me. " Can I borrow your earrings " ? I toke them off , they were gold crescents. She looked into the mirror. There was a knock on the door , " I'll get it " I jumped off the bed towards the door. I opened it " hi I'm Zoe Maddies friend " I stuck out my hand. " hi I'm Chris " he shook my hand. He was really tan he had dark brown hair, that was jelled back. I leaned on the door frame , " sooo " Maddie cut in. " Okay bye Zo " , " don't stay out to late " I clicked my tongue. I decided to call it a night , i washed up and went to bed. I snugged into the white sheets , which never seemed more cozy. I couldn't possibly think anymore , I let my thoughts tire me out.