Take 2

Peter's an Idiot

 The video opens to MJ sitting in the living room of the tower. Harley and Ned are in the background in the kitchen, while Emma and Mackenzie aren't visible on camera.

"Hey guys, welcome back to the Ironfam," MJ says. "So for our second video back, we thought we'd do a little Q&A for you guys, just based off questions we've seen a lot in the comments. Emma and Mackenzie are on their way up, they just texted me that they got here, and Peter's on his way back from patrol."

"Cuz Peter's just cool like that," Harley calls from the kitchen. "He's out saving the world while we're in here arguing over who gets the last of the Lucky Charms."

MJ rolls her eyes. "Anyway, so those three should be getting here any minute, oh, we have a guest!"

MJ bends down and picks Lady up, bringing her into the frame.

"Say hello to the Ironfam, Lady," MJ says. She wiggles one of Lady's feet so it looks like she's waving.

{cut}

"These two are finally up here," MJ says, lifting the camera up to show Emma and Mackenzie behind her. "I swear, for being such a "state of the art" tower the elevators are so slow."

"No idea where Peter is," Ned says, coming up behind them with a bowl of Lucky Charms. Harley is behind him, with a bowl of Captain Crunch. "Probably got distracted on his way back, does that all the time."

"Oh, wait, I think he's here," MJ says, tilting her head slightly to one side. "Yeah, I just heard his window open."

{cut}

MJ is standing outside Peter's bedroom door. She holds a finger to her lips, before turning the camera around to show the door as she slams it open.

"Boo!" she yells, and then, "Peter?"

Peter is hanging halfway through the window. Blood is smeared up his neck and is dripping off his shoulder. MJ drops the camera, which falls to an angle where they are partially visible. MJ is blocking Peter.

"Oh my god, Peter," she gasps, her hands hovering. "What the **** happened? Peter!"

"Oh, hi, MJ," Peter says, sounding a little out of it. "No, it's okay, I'm fine, we've gotta... we had that video, we gotta film."

"Peter?" Ned, Harley, Mackenzie, and Emma have arrived in the doorway. Two bowls of cereal join the camera on the floor.

"Oh, hey," Peter waves lazily, but stops almost immediately, wincing violently as he moves his shoulder. "I, uh... there was a guy, and this girl... Saved the girl though, that's good... I think the guy mighta got me with his gun, though..."

"Yeah, no ****," Ned says, his voice panicked. "Emma, go get Tony, run-"

"Mr. Stark has already been alerted," Friday's voice says. "He is on his way with medical assistance."

{cut}

The group, as well as Tony, is sitting in the MedBay. Peter is in one of the beds, the back lifted up so he's in a seated position, eating a jello cup. His left arm and shoulder are wrapped in bandages, and he has one around his throat, as well.

"Hello, Ironfam," he salutes the camera with the arm that's not wrapped in bandages.

MJ, who's holding the camera, holds it so you can see the whole group. "So this dumb***," she says, pointing at Peter, "Managed to get himself shot and almost decapitated last night."

"It was not that bad," Peter argued.

"The guy tried to slit your throat," Mackenzie rolls her eyes. "I'd say it was that bad."

"Scared the **** out of all of us," Tony grumbles.

"Well, I'm fine now," Peter shrugs with his good arm.

"You'll be fine in about three days," Tony corrects him.

"Wanna tell the Ironfam what happened?" Harley asks.

Peter rolls his eyes. "I was heading back from patrol to film the Q&A, when I saw this creepy old guy following a teenage girl around, so I swung down to check it out right as the guy tried to grab the girl. Got the girl away, I saw her flagging down a cop, but the ***hole had a gun and a knife, talk about overkill, so he shot my shoulder and I went down, obviously, and then he was on top of me trying to slit my throat, almost succeeded, too, but I kicked him off and he flew into the wall and cracked his head open. The cops got him, he's fine, but he's gonna be in jail for a really long time."

"The dumb thing is he was literally on probation from trying to kidnap a teenage girl," Harley says. "The guy gets released, and the first thing he does is try to kidnap another girl. Talk about an idiot."

"And now he's gone for two attempted kidnappings, violation of probation, and attempted murder," Peter says cheerfully.

"So you guys aren't gonna get a Q&A video," Emma says. "Instead you get vaguely graphic footage of Peter falling through a window after almost dying. I honestly can't believe we got it on camera, had to cut it though, cuz we didn't think YouTube would love us showing really graphic images of Peter's slit throat and bullet hole."

"I swear I'm gonna put the baby monitor back," Tony shakes his head. "You're honestly gonna be the death of me."

"I mean, I'm honestly surprised Morgan hasn't busted in here yet," Peter says. "I don't think we've ever managed to keep her out this long."

"Yeah, Pepper has her and the twins on house arrest in the nursery," MJ supplies. "I heard Tony tell Friday to let Pepper know what's going on and then to not let anyone out until he gives the say so."

"****," Tony mutters. "I should probably let them out now, actually, Pepper's probably going crazy."

{cut}

MJ is the only one in the MedBay with Peter now. Peter looks out of it again.

"So this idiot," MJ says, her voice furious. "Decided to get out of bed too soon, and managed to completely ruin all his stitches in his neck and reopen the bullet hole in his shoulder, so now he's completely high on pain meds and has to wait here for even longer."

"Don't be mean," Peter whines from behind her. "I just didn't want to piss my pants."

"That's what the nurses are for, dumb***," MJ rolls her eyes.

{cut}

Peter is holding the camera now. "Fun fact about Spider-Man," he whispers, his voice slurring a bit. He is apparently still high. "He's afraid of spiders. Also he's kind of stupid."

"I'll say," Tony's voice says. "Put the ****ing camera down, Peter, oh my god-"

{cut}

Ned and MJ are with Peter, who looks like he's no longer drugged.

"We're gonna end this video here," Ned says. "Comment down below if you saw the idiot in this video."

"Rude," Peter grumbles.

"Anyway," MJ rolls her eyes. "We'll see you next week for a hopefully less traumatizing video."

"Comment how many times MJ rolled her eyes," Peter adds. "Also like and subscribe to join the Ironfam to see more of... this."

"There better not be more of this," Ned mutters.

Peter keeps talking like he didn't hear him. "See you next week. Bye!"

{cut}