Richtofen Headcanons + Oneshots

[short Oneshot] Zombie fueled questions

"Eddie, would you still love me if I was a zombie?"

Edward's eyes shot up from his work when you finished your question. To say he was used to your very weird questions was an understatement, but somehow this still took him by surprise.

"I-what?" He asked, setting down the tools in his hands to give you his undivided attention. He had a bewildered look on his face.

"Would you. Still love me. If I was. A zombie." You repeated slowly, tilting your head as you did so. His look of confusion morphed into one of concern, and you could tell his eyes were scanning your body.

"You didn't get bit did you?" He asked, his voice dripping in worry. His arm reached to move your collar and sleeves around to check your skin.

"What? No, wait, you can turn if you get bit? What about scratched?" You began to feel anxious as you thought about all the times the zombies have dug into your flesh. You began to match Richtofen's expression before his cracked into a grin.

"Ahaha, nein. It doesn't work that way, but it was pretty funny watching your face drop." He wiped a fake tear from his eye as he chuckled, all you could do was glare at him.

"That wasn't funny."

"Eh, I found it amusing." He shrugged going back to his tools. You huffed and knocked shoulders with him, which made him move a centimeter at most. You could see a smirk playing on his lips.

"Edward, just answer my question." You groan.

"It is as silly as the worm question you asked me a week back."

"The worm question was valid, and this question is much more possible!" You waved your hand around as you spoke.

About a week ago you asked him if he would still love you if you were a worm. You knew it was a silly question, and you just wanted to see his reaction and hear his answer. But, what occurred was him throwing a million and one questions to you about the ins and outs of how you became a worm and what he thought would be a scientific answer on how it happened. Only Richtofen could out weird you.

"It absolutely isn't, I would never let you turn into one of them." Edward said, matter of factly. He gave you a quick smile before leaning over and kissing you on the forehead, hoping to settle the conversation. The tactic failed.

"Just, cooperate with me on this, alright? Now answer the question!" You narrowed your eyes, trying to stare daggers at him. Annoying your man was one of your favourite past times. Unbeknownst to you, it was also his. He found it adorable.

"Of course I would. I would love you no matter how you are." He answered confidently. "But that doesn't mean you should go out and turn into one of them, alright? Stay away from element 115." He scolded, you couldn't help but to smile even at his light scolding.

"Like, flesh coming off of me, zombie? You would still love me like that?"

"Ooooh, you know, there is a version of meinself that is a flesh-coming-off-of-me zombie, perhaps I could set us both up if worse comes to worst." He grinned, knocking shoulders with you in turn. Your smile remained but a hint of confusion highlighted it.

"Are you serious?"

"I am, well... about the zombified me. He's not as cool as I am, though, so I don't think it would be a good match."

Yours and his laughs echoed around the room, and it was music to your ears. You really loved silly moments like these, lord knows he needs them. You knew you can't take away all of his stress but, perhaps a few laughs here and there can make it more tolerable.

"Okay but would you shoot zombie me?" You continue prodding. Your hands find his own and taking his tool away from him so he would focus on you. He side eyed your actions, deciding to stare ahead in some small gesture of protest.

"Ja, if you were a zombie I would assume you would be trying to kill the rest of us so, I would have to." He put very bluntly. You expected this answer, it's the most reasonable answer, but that doesn't mean you had to like it.

"Edward!" You gasp in faux surprise. He could see right through it. He shrugged again waving his arms in a what do you want me to say way. "I cannot believe you!" You huff and dramatically cross your arms and turn you head away. Playing your part quite well you would think.

"Fine, how about this. I... keep you on a chain and drag you along for the rest of our journey. I can love you from a distance and throw you flesh sometimes if you're good." He patted you on the head when he finished speaking. His arms reached out to take the tools back but you held them closer to your chest, cocking your head at him.

"Where would you get the flesh?"

"I have my ways."

He happily plucked the tools away from you and picked back up where he left off on... whatever he was doing, an eccentric grin found his face that to anyone else was terrifying, but you found it endearing.

"You're not going to skin Dempsey are you?" You wonder, a finger tapping on your chin.

"Oooh, I didn't even think of that! Our minds together could be dangerous!" He giggled.

Because of the conversation, Edward was in a playful mood. In said moods, he was much more willing to go along with whatever whimsical scenarios you threw at him, and then one up them by giving you even more outlandish ones. There has been times where his playfulness has left you on the floor in tears, laughing so hard it made your side hurt.

For some reason, though, any time the others heard his ideas, they would just be entirely disturbed. Their loss, Eddie is funny. 

His laughter died down and he gleamed at you, a small smile still residing on his face. "Very interesting scenarios, but I promise I will never let that happen to you. Never in any life, dimension, or other. You have my word." He said almost solemnly, his lips finding your forehead once again. "Ich liebe dich, mein kleiner Zombie." He whispered.

Your grabbed his face and pulled him down for a real kiss, you fighting a grin the entire time, how his lips twitched against yours told you he was fighting the same thing.

"Ich liebe dich, auch, mein verrückter Doktor."