Tired (Between a rock and a hard place 6)

Chapter 5

When Jiang Yanli arrived to her destination, she once again had to wait while hiding on the side. Luckily, this time it was not her mother who was coming out from Wei Wuxian's room. She watched as her father closed the door behind himself and stood there for a minute with a very strange expression on his face. She could not tell what he was thinking, it could have been anything from victory, shock or worry to satisfaction or even happiness.

She had never seen him look like this, especially not when he had just seen Wei Wuxian, most probably all battered and wounded for Yu Ziyuan's not so kind treatment. Jiang Yanli started asking herself what was going on.

However, she quickly stopped. She still vividly remembered that if she would split her attention too thin on all members of her family, she would most probably break down again under all the responsibilities. Small steps at a time. She should not try to understand her father right now, she had to go see Wei Wuxian and take care of him. He was the first one on the list of her priorities for now. She needed to understand how strict his punishment had been.

And if he was not too bad off, then she could move on to Jiang Cheng. Her younger brother had been way too grumpy. She should go to him like she always had and lift up his spirits. It would for sure mean to listen to him complaining about his brother's behaviour and she would have to sooth the edges of his anger before he would go see Wei Wuxian again.

Jiang Yanli's head was suddenly hurting again and her vision blurred. She was so overwhelmed she had to lean on the wall in order not to fall down. The list of things she had to do was increasing at an alarming rate in her head and it was calling back her previous anxiety attack. There was so much that she was expected to do, that she had always done, and she was exhausted only thinking about it. How was she supposed to shoulder the burden of keeping her family in a functioning state all by herself? Why would no one else help her?

She closed her eyes and just like when she had woken up, she regulated her breathing and tried to meditate to clear her thoughts. She was feeling extremely vulnerable and alone. It seemed like there was no one in the Yunmeng Jiang sect, perhaps even no one in the whole world, who could understand how heavy of a burden she was – and had been for a long time already – carrying. There was no one to whom she could turn to share her feelings and to gain enough energy to keep on going. Really, why was she always the only one who would try to glue together the family which had been clearly broken from the very beginning?

At last, Jiang Yanli managed to calm down enough to be able to open her eyes. Her previous energy and good mood were gone, swept away by the realization that she had been fighting this battle for way too long without any support. She could not carry on like this anymore, it was costing her too much.

She had enough now. Let taking care of Wei Wuxian this time be her last effort, since she was already here. She would then try to reconsider everything again.

Her father was nowhere to be seen anymore and the courtyard was silent and empty. Good, now was the time for her to sneak into her brother's room in secret. She held the basket with her soup tighter and quickly crossed the opened space. She only knocked on the door once and entered without waiting for an invitation.

She closed behind herself and turned around to face the room. Her eyes scanned it from one side to the other, searching for Wei Wuxian.

Her eyebrows knitted together when she discovered him in bed, he was laying on his stomach and was tugged under the blanket with his face as pale as the white sheets. That was nothing Jiang Yanli had not seen before, but it still made her heart ache. Wei Wuxian did not deserve to be treated in this way by the members of their family, much like she did not deserve to be expected to clear up everything after her parents and her brothers. It was just how things were.

What worried her way more than seeing Wei Wuxian bedridden after his punishment was the fact that he did not greet her happily as soon as she had slipped inside. Although his eyes were open and his face was turned into the room, his eyes were unseeing. There was nothing inside of them, just two empty deep holes of blankness.

Jiang Yanli hastened to cross the room and kneel by her brother's side, her own exhaustion forgotten for the moment. She was feeling guilty for not coming to see him earlier. It was clear that something terrible must have happened to him. Something she had no idea about, aside for seeing her mother coming out of the room with a sparkling Zidian that was. How was she supposed to help?

Nevertheless, she put her basked carefully on the ground, making sure that she would not spill the soup all over the bandages she had brought. Bandages, which she did not need, she realized when she reached to gently take one of Wei Wuxian's hands into her own. Her brother's back had already been treated; she could see whiteness peeking out from under his red inner robe. Her father must have been faster than her this time and provided the much-needed care after a punishment.

That was good, great even. To see that she was not the only one supporting her brother anymore, at least this time. However, the knowledge did nothing to ease her worries. Not when Wei Wuxian's eyes were still unfocused and he did not even realize Jiang Yanli had come to see him and bring him his favourite soup.

"A-Xian!" she called quietly and sweetly, trying to snap her brother from whatever place his mind had wandered into. When this did not help, she called again while squeezing his hand gently: "A-Xian!" To no avail, Wei Wuxian remained unresponsive.

This was starting to seriously freak her out. She had never seen her brother like this. Had he finally broken under all the pressure from her parents? It was very much possible, especially if, as Jiang Cheng had said, he had been the one who had caused the Yunmeng Jiang disciples to be evicted from the lectures the Gusu Lan sect was currently holding. He must have already been blaming himself and added with her mother's – and possibly also her father's – scolding, it must have been too much.

Tears were stinging in Jiang Yanli's eyes. It hurt to see Wei Wuxian, the ever-smiling boy who usually shrugged all pain off right away and assured her that he was completely fine, this unresponsive and clearly in pain. She wondered if this time, it had truly been the last straw to break his spirit.

She was sad for him. Things had looked so great when he had been in the Cloud Recesses. He had not been subjected to her mother's harsh words and glares. He had not had to divert all attention from himself in order to let Jiang Cheng shine in front of everyone in the Yunmeng Jiang sect. And most importantly, he had found another person who cared about him.

Or at least that was what Jiang Yanli had concluded from the letters he had been writing to her every other day. They were filled with tangible happiness about the freedom he had found, and also romantic kind of love he had experienced for the first time in his life. He had even asked her about advice on how to approach Lan Wangji!

The name of the Second Jade had started appearing in his letters more and more frequently not even a week after he had arrived to the Cloud Recesses. Jiang Yanli could have immediately seen that he had been enchanted with the second heir to the Gusu Lan sect. And who would not? Lan Wangji, according to Wei Wuxian's own words, was the most gorgeous, strong, funny and caring man he had ever met. Jiang Yanli had been rooting for the both of them, especially after Wei Wuxian had bragged about kissing Lan Wangji in one of his more recent letters.

What could have happened to ruin this sweet romance? What had Wei Wuxian done to anger Lan Qiren and the Gusu Lan sect elders so much to be send home? What had he been punished so terribly for that he would end up all unresponsive and bedridden? Was it not enough that Jiang Yanli was feeling powerless and tired of everything, right on a brink of another emotional breakdown? Had her family really had to break her brother as well? She was not sure she would be able to fix anything anymore.

"A-Xian..." a broken sob escaped her.

Openly crying now, Jiang Yanli called her brother for a third time. Only to see Wei Wuxian blink slowly as tears started running down his own cheeks.