What You Left Behind

Part 4

I woke to the smell of breakfast in the kitchen. I got up and slipped on a sweatshirt, heading to the source of the yummy smell. There standing in the kitchen was Blaze. He was swaying to some music while cooking something. He didn't notice me till I wrapped my arms around his waist resting my head on his back. He set a hand atop mine and continued finishing up breakfast. I liked this new feeling, It didn't have that awkward tension like before. It was smooth and nice, it made me feel at home. He soon finished up breakfast, he made katsudon. We sat together through stray conversations here and there but mostly just sitting there like we usually did. When the day came for the appointment, it was like every other morning before. Except there was that tension of worry again. The car ride was filled with soothing gestures but you couldn't hide the concern in the atmosphere. That day I was put through many tests. I wasn't allowed to see Blaze this entire period of time. The doctors noted the fact that my breathing was off and I had low oxygen supply. It was long hours of scans and breathing tests. It was late that evening when I finally got to see Blaze again. We sat in the waiting room while the doctors assessed the severity of my condition. When they returned they sat down without saying a word at first as if they were trying to figure out how to word it. The next few minutes felt like they lasted forever as they explained how far the cancer had spread through my lungs. I had what they called T2b stage lung cancer. It means it's spread to my main bronchus and has been closing up my windpipe. They told us I could be put on the organ donations list but since it's so long and I'm not in "severe need" it would be a while. They explained they would put me on oxygen so it would be easier to breathe, I'd also start chemo in the following weeks. And just like before they took me back and explained to me how to work the cannula and set me up with an air tank. They gave us extras as well for when that one ran out and sent us off after a while. The cannula tickled my nose but it did help me breathe better. I didn't feel like I was kinda struggling for air. The machine did what my lungs couldn't. As I stepped out with my tank on its newfound dolly, the look on Blaze's face said it all, he was scared. Over the last week, he's tried to stay optimistic but I think he can tell that it's useless.
As we sat in the living room not speaking with each other, not even watching TV. Just sitting in the silent apartment, the sound of my oxygen tank was the only thing humming through the small space. I hadn't cried much about this new ailment but that's because I hadn't thought about it much. But now with it brought to my attention it was...numbing? It's a strange feeling. Like when you're a little kid and you find out someone died, you don't really understand what it means. You don't know how to process that information. But with the whirling of the oxygen and the silence, I was about to think about it. I kept thinking about everything, cancer, Blaze, my life. It all hit me like a truck. And in the middle of my thoughts, I didn't realize I was crying till Blaze wiped a tear from my cheek. "Hey, it's gonna be ok, I'm right here." He tried his best to comfort me but it was futile. Once I started I couldn't stop. The room was now filled with incoherent sentences and cries. It lasted like that for a long time till my eyes physically couldn't cry anymore. So I just lay there, catching my breath and clinging to Blaze. He held me tightly as I passed out from exhaustion.
I woke up late that afternoon, to the soft sound of the TV playing and Blaze still laying there with me, focused on the news. When I fully woke up I gave him a light kiss on the cheek which seemed to get his attention. "Good morning love.", "Good morning." He gave me a light smile that warmed my heart. Climbing off the couch I went to go get us some tea while making sure my cannula was in place after last night's breakdown. I set the cup down on the coffee table looking around the small living space. It had such a depressing atmosphere, I hadn't changed it since my mom died. "Hey, Blaze?" He turned to me sipping on his drink. "Can we fix this?" Motioning to the depressing atmosphere of the apartment. The blond man nodded and got up, opening the curtains and the windows to let the cool summer air in. I smiled and opened up the kitchen curtains and just started cleaning up the kitchen. Blaze put on some music and we pranced around the house cleaning up. I was working on cleaning up the shelves in the living room when a pair of arms wrapped around my waist. "Come on, Let's take a break." He started pulling me away from my work as I tried to wiggle out of his grip in protest but it didn't work. Instead, he took the rag out of my hand, setting it on the couch and spinning me around keeping me close while turning up the music. " You know how to dance nerd?", "Not very well," I said reluctantly. I'm not a good dancer whatsoever but Blaze didn't seem to care. He took my hands and set them on his shoulders while he set his hands on my waist gently swaying to the music. A light smile and a rose tint drifted across his face. I liked these small moments with him, just quiet and peaceful, soft in each other's presence. I reset my head on his shoulder near the end of the song smiling. I kinda forgot about everything for a split second. I forgot about the weird feeling for the cannula, I forgot about everything that led us to this moment, and it was peaceful and safe. God do I wish I could live in that second forever. When the song ended he planted a soft kiss on the top of my head before letting me get back to work. And so I did. Together we cleaned every inch of the apartment, making it more of our own and not my mom's old apartment. Of course we kept her things around but we also added some stuff of our own. It was nice, this new environment. I was just moving around some plants on a shelf when I realized that Blaze was nowhere to be found. That was until he flopped a notepad on that table. "Oi Onyx come here." I did as was requested and sat at the table. "We should make a bucket list. I know it's stereotypical but it'll give us something to do besides sit around and worry." I nodded and we sat there for hours trying to make a list. In the end, we finalized the list.

" Bucket list Carnival
Coast
Sunset
Fancy date
Picnic
Camping
Try random foods
Meteor shower
Takayama Autumn Festival
Paint and sip
Movie/drive-in
Say goodbye to my mom Get a cat
Go to the zoo
Go on a drive to the outskirts Riverside date
Pottery class"

Blaze did all he could to make sure we did everything on our bucket list. The trip and little events were always nice. There were some we weren't allowed to go do because of my worsening condition but we always still tried. Cancer even with treatment had spread throughout my lungs and had slowly started taking over my other organs. The chemo was also deteriorating my body. I only had an expectancy of maybe another month left before I had to go into hospice care. Today was the day we were going to go watch the sunset and our meteor shower. Blaze had been checking a bunch of different websites to see when the next meteor shower was gonna be. We were gonna head out after my appointment.