What You Left Behind

Part 3

We sat like this for a while more, just a few conversations here and there before it got late and we watched the sunset together. As we were walking down the hill I started another coughing fit. Of course I did, no one day could just be normal. Blaze stopped and braced my body with his so I wouldn't fall. I was running out of air, I couldn't stop coughing. That's when the crimson red blood scattered my lips. I was coughing up more blood. Blaze picked me up and set me in the car trying to steady my breathing but it was evident that it wasn't gonna work. He sped down to the local hospital where I was brought into the ICU. They gave me an IV and drained my lungs of fluid. Everything after that is blurry. I woke up the next day with a slight pain in my sides from the tubes. And there, resting his head on my bed, was Blaze. I moved, slightly causing him to stir awake. He gave me a light smile that was coated with obvious relief.
"Good Morning." He just nodded, still half asleep, and took my hand. "You had me worried." He said after fully waking up. I knew I made him worried. I always felt bad when I did. "I thought this was it when they took you in here." He looks down avoiding my eye contact. "I know..Im sorry", "Don't you dare apologize." He held my hand tighter. "It's not your fault you are in this situation. You don't deserve it." I knew deep down somewhere it was true. I didn't deserve this, but I made up something in my brain where it just made sense that I did something to earn this condition. He just let out a sigh. "I can't lose you." Those words stung because I knew it probably would happen and he'd be left here, all alone. I don't wanna hurt him like this, but there was no way in hell I could get him to leave. He's too stubborn for that. So I just sat there, not responding, just sitting there. And he did too. He didn't leave that room with me all day till the next morning when I was set to go. He'd set up an appointment with the Oncologist this Thursday even with my wanting to not go see the doctor I knew I had to. When we arrived home he helped me out of the car and set me down on the couch to get some food going while I watched TV. I sighed, fiddling with my thumbs lost in thought. There was this newfound tension between us that I didn't quite understand. I couldn't tell if it was from the day before or my illness but it was off-putting. I could tell Blaze was trying to be strong and help me but he didn't hide the fact he was scared easily. I don't blame him though, knowing someone who you've known for so long having cancer that in most cases is terminal, is a hard pill to swallow. But like everything he's gonna stick it out with me. Even if I can't make it all the way.
That night I lay in bed staring at the dark ceiling. The distant running water from the bathroom was echoing from within the small apartment. Blaze had got in a while ago but he normally takes long showers so I didn't think much of it. Well, that was until the faint sound of sobbing could be heard from the bathroom. A light thud as well as if someone sat down too hard in the bath. I was worried like any normal person would and headed to the bathroom to see if he was ok. I gave a soft knock on the door as if asking if I could come in and the crying immediately stopped and there was no response. I waited for a while before coming in, closing the door behind me. "Hey, Blaze...?" Still no response, so I sat near the shower, leaning up against the wall. A quiet sniffing could be heard from behind the curtain. A hand reached out from behind the piece of cloth and I intertwined my fingers with his. He held my hand tightly as if I'd float away if he let go. And the crying from before began again. The pain in his cries made my heartache but there was only so much I could do for him. So I gently and softly rubbed small soothing circles on the back of his hand till he calmed down. Blaze wasn't one for emotion so when he cried it was really hard to see because you knew he was in so much pain. When the crying reached an end, so did the water. I kissed the back of his hand and stepped out so he could dry off and get dressed. I did nonetheless wait in the hall for him to come out. I took his hand and led him to my bedroom, inviting him to come lay down with me since I could tell he didn't wanna be alone. He took the invite and layed on the opposite side of the bed facing away from me. I could tell he was still upset but didn't wanna push it and waited to see if he would say something. My waiting seemed to be a good thing because 30 minutes or so later he turned over a mixture of what seemed to be guilt and sadness in his eyes. I turned to face him and he brought a hand to my cheek, " I wish I could just rewind time." He said as he brushed a piece of hair out of my face. I was confused by what he meant and I think he understood that. "Because if I could, maybe, just maybe I could have told you what I needed to say sooner. Could have had more time with you the way I wanted to." He let out a sigh with his statement and I seemingly was getting a bit more confused. "Blaze..?" He paused for a second before brushing his thumb across my cheek. "Maybe I could have told you I loved you sooner." His eyes were lined with water and his statement left me in a shock. Blaze...loves me? This couldn't be but somehow it just made sense. A light smile crossed my face and I cupped his cheek wiping away the few tears that managed to escape. "And maybe I could have told you I love you too sooner." His eyes widened ever so slightly and gave a light smile. That night we just layed there in each other's presence and comfort. I kissed his forehead as he drifted off to sleep and I soon followed. That night I got some of the best sleep I've gotten in a while.