What You Left Behind

Part 6

Sitting back against him with my head in the crook of his neck he could tell my time was getting short. My meds aren't working well and I was getting in more excruciating pain. "Is it time..?" His voice quivers. He knew if I went into hospice it was practically giving me up. I would be put on morphine and heavy pain meds, I wouldn't really be aware of anything going on but this pain was awful and my lungs felt as if every breath was more and more shallow. It was time. He pulled me up to him and hugged me before calling the doctor. They weren't surprised, the month expectation they gave me was just for hope. Blaze drove us and I could see his eyes getting glossy and he was holding my hand tighter than he ever had. Like as if I let go then I'd be gone forever. When they wheeled me into the hospital Blaze was carrying my bags. They set me up in a room. It was small but it's not like that mattered. It had a big window that looked out over the local park. I could see the red-orange leaves falling to the ground. After a few questions and blood work they set me up with pain meds, they made me numb, and I eventually went to sleep again. I would stay in that room for weeks. I don't remember much at all. I woke up and my chest was heavy again and my head felt light. Blaze seemed to panic and held my hand. I could hear my heart monitor slowing. I started panicking as well not wanting to leave Blaze alone. That's when his mood shifted and he sat on the bed next to me. He ran his fingers through my hair and pulled me into his chest. "Hey don't panic. I'll be ok, you can rest now." His words were filled with sorrow but I could tell they were genuine. He held my hand and I recently stopped fighting it and let the calmness wash over my bones. And just like that. Everything was gone.