Time of Our Life (Big Time Rush)

Chapter 33

I pulled away slowly, too confused to let this happen. We were still so close, our breaths mingling. He swallowed hard, I could see his adam apple rising and falling in pattern. He looked handsome, despite the fact he was still in last night's clothes. I wanted to close the distance between us again, to pretend that none of this happened. To admit to myself that I liked Logan, but my phone rang.

I got my phone out of my pocket and checked that caller's ID. It was James. I decided  to ignore it, and pretend it was my mother calling. But Logan had other ideas, he took a glance at the screen, and in a moment his face that expression of anger appeared on his face.

I looked up at him, careful not to let any emotion appear on face right now.

“James?” he asked as if rhetorically. I didn’t answer.

“Anna,” he said, holding my chin between his thumb and his forefinger and lifting my chin up. “I don’t know why you’re doing this. But if it’s because Erin had kissed me, then I just want to let you know that I let her know she can’t do that anymore.”

I just stared. And then I gave voice “Doing what?”

“Yeah, right. Doing what?” he said, sounding a bit angrier than usual. “Nothing, just going out with James on dates, getting drunk and kissing him. And then kissing me like I didn’t just see you kissing him.” he continued. “And, Anna, if you want to play me, I think it’s fair to let you know that I’m the bigger player here.” he said, and it sounded like I’d just been punched hard. I wasn’t playing Logan.. or james for the matter.

“I’m not playing you.” I said, my voice sounding too low to be heard. He looked at me again, his eyes boring through mine, and something about it looked scary. It looked unforgivable, and for a moment I thought I was going to lose. I couldn’t take the ways his eyes looked, he had to look away. He shouldn’t look at me like that. I wanted to kiss him again.

“I thought you were different,”

I was paralyzed. Right then, right there. It’s like my world came down crumbling to pieces.

I thought you were different.

He turned on his heels to go. And waited there a few seconds.

I thought you were different.

He walked away from me. Not a word to say. Not a glance to give away. He just walked away.

I waited for him to look at me again. To say that he knows I wasn’t playing him, that he didn’t mean to look at me with so much hatred. But he didn’t. He just kept walking away.

I’m the bigger player he said.

I thought you were different he said.

I hate you he thought.

I looked down at my feet, suddenly finding interest in them. I stared until my vision was blurred and I couldn’t see clearly anymore. I got on Aurora’s back and rode again until the night.

I got home at midnight. I know that I wasn’t going to find any sleep tonight so I just stayed outside.

I plugged my headphones in and went outside. I’ve always like darkness. I would never understand people that preferred day to night.

The music played in my ears. It was a classic. I dreamed a dream from the musical Les Misérables

And still I dream he’ll come to me

That we will live the years together

But there are dreams that cannot be

And there are storms we cannot weather

I stayed awake for a long night. Flashbacks playing through my mind.

I heard the sound of Melody’s voice when it occurred to me that she liked James. And that on that very night, I had kissed him. Not because I wanted to. I realised one thing, that if there was somebody I was playing, it was James.

No, I was not going on dates with him again, and I won’t kiss him again. As for Logan who probably hates me right I was not sure what to do. So I’ll just wait and give it time.

It heals everything, doesn’t it? Maybe in a while I’ll be over all that has happened. Even though my heart has other opinions. My heart tells me that it wouldn’t be easy without Logan, it’s telling me that I love Logan. But it doesn’t make sense. I have ruined everything.

But he hates me. He thought I was different. And I let him down.

It’s a long road, and it gets windy

fog is real low and it’s so bliding

oh I’m tryna steer tryna take the lead

but I feel like the road is steering me

Bridgit Mendler’s City Lights came on. And somehow I felt like this was the end to my fantasy. The one that me, a normal girl, could ever date a popstar. It felt like a song that would play alongside the credits at the end of a movie. A movie with a sad ending..

I let a tear slide down my cheek, because what’s the point of holding it in anymore?

I’ve lost him. The guy I’ve only just realised that I loved him, now hates me.

It’s too late.

--

IS THIS THE END?!?!?!? WHAT? NO! but the end is really near now yall. Makes me wanna cry :’(

I AM SO SORRY YOU GUISE HAD TO WAIT FOR TOO LONG PLEASE FORGIVE ME CUZ I WILL NOT FORGIVE MYSELF

I think that was a bit too short, but i could not possibly add anything to it :o PLUS i'm a little too busy you know :(

*drumroll please* TIME OF OUR LIFE IS ALMOST 45K NOW!! WOW THAT’S HUGE!!!!!!! MY LITTLE tiny HEART CAN’T TAKE THIS!

Please vote for this chapter if you liked it! :)

And I will make a promise, that I pray to fulfil, and it’s that the next chapter won’t take too long. *fingers crossed*

Asmaa :)xx

PS IF YOU’RE STILL READING THIS THEN YOU’RE AWESOME! <3