" When I saw you for the first time, I knew I won't forget about you easily. And I was right, in those years there was no day or night I haven't thought of you. You are the one who lights my life up, and I would be lost without you."
"Valide, you have called for me?" Bayezid asked as he entered my chambers with a smile without even knowing what has happened or he couldn't even think that I knew about all of this. I was so angry on him because he shouldn't even leave the palace without us knowing where does he go and especially not going to meet with another women who are not part of the Harem.
"Come here, sit next to me," I said and nodded to all the maids to leave my chambers. No one should ever know about this because if Murad would find out this he would be so angry at Bayezid and I am afraid of the worst.
"You aren't satisfied with the harem and girls I gifted you with?" I asked making him really confused. I gave my best to calm down and not to explode immediately on him because what he was doing was wrong.
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"Valide I don't understand why would you ask me that, everything is fine in my harem," he said and in his eyes I saw he is lying as he was my son and I could read him like a book and my children couldn't hide anything from me.
"I heard you spend only one night in a week with Maria and other days you go outside somewhere, is that truth?" I asked him as I raised my eyebrow.
"No Valide, I spend each night with concubines, I don't know where Maria did get that from," he said and I didn't know if I am more mad on his acts or how he lies to me looking me direct in eyes.
"How much I know that greek girl isn't your concubine or part of your harem, Bayezid!" I said seriously so much that he seemed to be afraid of me this time.
"Valide, I-" he started to explain something but I couldn't listen to more of his lies.
"I am very disappointed in you, Bayezid. Your acts made me angry, you can't kiss a girl in the streets. Someone will recognise you and what if they tell that to your brother Murad? What will you do then?" I yelled but my anger this time was mixed with sadness and disappointment not in my child but in myself because I questioned myself did I raise them well.
"Valide, brother Murad would do nothing bad to me, he is my brother he would never-" I stopped him once again.
"Your brother is now fully into thinking of going into wars and campaigns, he wants to fight rebels sipahis in Istanbul and he is ready to spill the blood and I see that in his eyes. You will be careful and I don't want you to repeat your mistakes," I said more calm this time because I would get nothing from yelling.
"I love that woman, Valide. I want to bring her in Harem and have her by my side," he said with sadness in his eyes and when I saw my children sad I would do everything for their happiness, but in this situation I wouldn't.
"You will forget about that because you can't take her into your harem. She is not your slave and you won't see her ever again. I forbid you that. If you dare to cross my order, I won't save you from what is going to happen next because you lied to me in my eyes like you think I can't realise when you lie," I said and sat down back.
"Valide, you loved our father and you know what love is. I also want to feel real love and I feel that next to her," he said as he went down on his knees and took my hand into his and started kissing it.
"I will send you whatever woman you want from this Harem, but I can't let you do that because taking women from outside is forbidden not only to you but even to your brother Sultan," I said hoping he would finally understand what I wanted to tell.
"But I love her so-"
"Don't let me lose another child Bayezid."
"Sultanim what do you plan to do now?" Kalika asked me as she followed me as I went to have talk with Grand Vizier Kemankes Mustafa Pasha. He was Grand Viziers and all the information I gathered from him and I knew he could be the one to stop Murad from making decisions that would rather make him bad.
"I don't know. Yesterday both Murad and Bayezid disappointed me with their behaviour, I am questioning myself if I have done anything wrong while raising them up," I said as my thoughts worried me a lot.
"Sultanim, you did it the best way possible. You can't have impact on their characters, everyone is different and we can't change that," she said.
"Kemankes, we need to speak about serious things," I said as I entered Pearl Mansion where I met him because it was too risky to meet him in the palace. Even though I was allowed to meet him I wouldn't want Murad to think I interfere in his reign.
"Sultanim, I also have really important news. We have somehow to stop Sultan Murad. He was really angry this morning and he invited the sipahis today on public divan. He said he has really important decisions and I am afraid what will His Majesty do since he is really angry on them," Kemnakes said and this was my biggest fear if Murad would make some mistake that would cost him his head from those rebels.
Sipahis thought they can replace the Sultan whenever they wished for and we had to come to an end with them, but not in aggressive way because they formed Ottoman army and we didn't need our own army against ourselves.
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"I sent a letter to Venetian Doge about this and I hope we will compromise in this. Murad is really for the war and I have to stop him in this because we can't fight with them," I said.
"You did very well Sultana, if only our Sultan would understand that. He wants all the power for himself now and he says he has so big reforms that the whole world will be shaken up after today's divan," Kemankes said as he looked at me and I knew I can trust him because we were two closest people to Murad and the third one was Silahtar who was his best friend but he had no political impact.
"I don't want to mix into his reign, but I am worried what is he going to do. There were many rebellions and we should stop them," I said.
"One occured yesterday when his majesty went out with Silahtar. Silahtar didn't say me much about it, but this obviously forced his Majesty to make such drastic things," he said.
