Guys depression is not an easy topic nor is it something you can say lightly. The weight that comes with that word isn't easy, the intrusive thoughts that come along aren't easy, it just goes numb
Sometimes I wonder " when was the last time I was happy?"
When was the last time I took care of myself?
When was the last time I did something I liked?
When was the last time I ate?
When was the last time I loved myself truly?
I don't know why I'm like this, I don't know why I feel like I would be happy if I was dead.
I don't know why these intrusive thoughts keep coming back.
When I was 13 I made a statement that still disturbs me to this day
"I don't know whether I'll make it to 18. Honestly, I'll be surprised if I do."
I was 13...
I was still a child I shouldn't have been able to think like that. Why did it happen?
I look around my room I can see empty dishes lying around, clothes everywhere, dust collecting on my table, the damn calendar is still stuck in February, the whiteboard has a to-do list that was written months ago, and there's a mess on the bed except a small corner for me to sleep, my bags are lying on the floor, I have no clue why my books are there.
I have no appetite left. It feels like a chore to eat food.
'Why is everything so loud?' 'Why is everyone so loud?'
'Why does everyone feel so mean?'
'Can't they all just shut up and leave me alone'
"I hate being alive"
But there's this part of me that still wants to live.
She says it's not time yet
She says that you won't get to say goodbye to mom and dad
She says you won't get to thank your sisters
She says you won't get to hug your dog
She says live another day maybe it'll change
She says go ask for help.
She says your friends will miss you.
But it's useless sometimes
YOU ARE READING
3AM thoughts :)
HumorEverything that goes on in my mind and probably yours too? idk. Just I hope you can relate somehow. Some might find it ridiculous listening to a 16 y/o talk as if they've been through ww1 and felt the shittiest of emotions but this is my daily life ...
