Mafia Queen

Chapter Eighteen

Charlotte

Stop it, Charlotte.

Just close your eyes and enjoy it.

Luca's head was between my legs, lapping against my clit as his fingers pulsed in and out of me. It felt incredible, but I couldn't get out of my own mind. I wanted to pretend everything was all sunshine and rainbows like Luca could, but I couldn't get her out of my head. What if he was lying? He didn't have the best track record right now, and although he'd explained a little of what was going on to me, it didn't ease all of my worries. What if he'd done this same thing to her?

Jesus, Charlotte. You were the one that pushed this. Why was all of this coming up now?

When I couldn't take it any longer, I squirmed out from underneath him. "Luca..."

"What's wrong? Are you okay?" He asked, hands on either side of my hips as he hovered above me.

I shook my head. "No, I'm not. I shouldn't have pushed you to do this. It's not... I just can't get her out of my head."

Luca cringed, and then rolled off to the side of me and laid on his back, raking his fingers through his hair. "That's okay. We don't need to do anything you're not comfortable with. I get it. I wish it wasn't this way, but I get it."

I pressed my lips together, feeling like my heart was breaking all over again. Why did this have to be so hard?

"I wish it wasn't this way, too. But I won't be able to move on until I have more to hold on to."

"What is it that you need? You want to talk to her? You want the real surveillance? How can I convince you I didn't do anything with her?" He asked.

"Honestly, it's not even so much her. In my heart, I know you wouldn't do this, but it's hard to get my head on the same page without all the information."

"Char, I want to give you what you need. I want to fix this for you and make it all better. But we've talked about this, and you agreed that there will be times when you can't know everything. You're the one who wanted it that way."

He was right. We'd had that conversation many times, and it was what I wanted. But it seemed like all the lines were blurred now and there really was no separation.

"Yes, I should have told you from the beginning, but I can't change that now. I had to make it look like an affair, and obviously that backfired. You can't know anymore than what I've told you right now, because if it goes south, you could be charged as an accomplice." He paused. "Charlotte, I can say I'm sorry a million times over. I can make you any promise you want, but the ball is a kind of in your court here. You know the reason behind it now, and I gave you my explanation. If that's not enough.... You have to tell me what you need to go forward, if that's what you want."

If that's what I want. The words made my stomach turn. Even after the last few days, a life without Luca was paralyzing. I had been so focused on our kids that I hadn't even thought about what came next. Divorce? Separation? Or did I find a way to move on?

"I'll head to the guest room." He leaned over, and to both of our surprise, I let him sweep a kiss across my forehead. "I'll see you in the morning. Please try to get some rest."

Luca pulled the covers off of his body and started to get up, but I reached for his wrist. "Can you just stay? Can we just... lay here and be together? Without all the other stuff happening right now? That's what I can't take."

A smile pulled at his lips. "Sure."

He climbed back into bed next to me, and his thick arms wrapped around my body, my back pressed into his chest.