Mafia Queen

Chapter Fourteen

Luca

For the second day in a row, I found Charlotte asleep scrunched up in the recliner in Cole's room. I went into our bedroom to get some clothes this morning, and just like yesterday, I found our bed empty.

Charlotte hated to sleep alone, and I knew she was just being stubborn. We were both alike in that, not wanting to be the first to cave. Although, at this point, I'd do just about anything to get back in her good graces. I made a complete ass of myself in front of her last night, and while I would always maintain that Axel deserved it, I could have handled it differently.

I knew if I pushed hard enough, I could break through her anger. I could get her to let me back in the room, to forgive me, to look past all of this. That wasn't fair, though. I needed to let her process this and come to me on her own. I needed to respect her boundaries right now and bust my ass to prove to her that none of it was true. If this proved anything to me, it was that I couldn't treat Charlotte with kid gloves anymore, manipulating her for my benefit. If I pushed her too fast, this could all blow up in my face, so all I could really do was focus on Niko and give Charlotte the time and space she needed.

My other reason was selfish. I stayed away because being away from her was tearing my fucking heart out, and I felt like I deserved to feel that way. I created this problem and deserved some kind of penance for my actions. A self-imposed punishment of sorts. It was a cycle that had been ingrained in me for my entire life.

When I was younger and would screw up, my dad would beat me with his belt as punishment. I started to associate my own pain and hurt with screwing up, so by the time I was in high school, I was handling it myself. If I felt like I had done something wrong or stupid, I'd slam my hand in the door or open up an old wound and pour salt into it, anything to cause myself enough pain that I thought was sufficient. If I could just reach a certain pain threshold, I had paid for my sins and everything was washed away and I felt better. Thankfully, I graduated from causing myself physical harm, but only because I realized how much more excruciating emotional pain could be. Depriving myself of Charlotte, my sweet, beautiful angel, was the ultimate pain in my mind. So I was trying my best to avoid her, even knowing it was killing her, too.

When I heard the shower turn off, I quickly finished tying my tie. I was hoping to be gone by the time she got out, but apparently was too late for that. I needed to check on her hand anyway, so I walked to the bathroom. The door was shut and to be honest, I couldn't remember the last time I had knocked on a door waiting for permission to enter from my own wife, but today it felt appropriate.

Char hesitated, confused by my passiveness, but eventually answered. "Come in."

I opened the door, nearly losing my breath when I saw her. Charlotte stood in front of me with water still dripping off of her, a skimpy towel wrapped around her body. One wrong move in either direction and I'd see everything. She was staring in the mirror, running her fingers through her hair to detangle it, and I felt compelled to wrap my arms around her waist and bury my face in the crook of her neck. I had to stop myself, though. I bit the inside of my cheek, hard enough to draw blood just so I could focus on something else. Right now, I didn't even deserve to be in the same room with her, let alone touch her.

"Can we talk?" My voice was defeated, so much so that I hardly recognized it.

Charlotte sighed. "Are you going to tell me what's really going on?"

For a split second, I considered it. I was ready for this all to be over. I hated fighting with her, but I couldn't put her in even more danger when we were so fucking close to taking out Niko.

She scoffed, taking my silence as her answer.

"I don't like it when you're mad at me." I frowned, ignoring her question.