Way to the Glory [Max Verstappen]

Chapter 4 - First race of the season

TW: Loneliness & Exclusion in the Flashback (skip the flashback if you can't read about it)

Flashback (6 years ago [age 17] 22.02.2016)

I am sitting on the train, headphones in my ears and listening to my favorite playlist. As always, I'm sitting here alone. I am not really popular in school, don't get me wrong, I'm not getting bullied.  But do you know this moments, when you are feeling not welcomed or invited? Like you are there, but nobody pays attention to you? The moments you want to say something and after a few minutes you know nobody listens and then you try to just fade away with your voice? Yep and that's how I feel everytime in school. You are there, but getting ignored, just being the outsider. I have a small group of friends at school, but they are all completely different from me. They are loud, often going to partys and I feel like they are just having me in there group, because they feel a little bit pitty for me. 

It started in grammar school, we had a day in school, where everyone told what their dreams are and what job we want to do in the future. I told them the truth, I want to win a climbing worldcup, study in university, in which I make my degree in chemistry and then work as an engineer or in general something technical. Nobody took me seriously, everyone mocked at me. Made jokes that it would be unattainable, especially my goals in climbing. Even some teachers, although I was actually relatively popular among the teachers. I was always a good student, but no one took me seriously. I am always working hard and I'm really ambitious, wanted to be the best. You know get better in that, begin this new hobby there and then also write good grades. After a time my whole week was often completely planned, so there was not much time for anything else. Quickly home from school afterwards food and immediately continue training and of course music lessons. Often I studied into the night and finished my homework when all others were asleep. I don't want to complain here about it, I enjoyed the time, I always got praised and was talanted in many hobbys I did. The hard thing was to let other hobbys go again, the time came when I just focused on climbing. It was hard to have up many of the hobby's I had. Then there was a time I hardly slept, because I still did school things. Or I didn't ate anything the whole day, because there wasn't time. Anyways, you know it isn't really supporting, if like everyone tells you you're not gonna make it, what you always dream of. Didn't everyone say you can always do what you dream, if you work hard enough? But isn't it funny, if you then say what you want to achieve, everyone laughs and tells you it is impossible.

Okay back to the now still in the train, I look around, everyone in groups, laughing having fun and looking happy. I was torn from my thoughts, when the name of my exit stop echoed through the speakers of the train. So I get up, let all the people out, before I leave the train. From the station, there is a walk which takes about 15 minutes to our school. I see Arthur with his friends walking in front of me. It isn't like he didn't care about me being alone, he wanted to sit with me, but I know he loves to spend time with his friend. So I always tell him he should walk with them, I smiled slightly and then looked down again. In my school I walk up the stairs to the third floor and than enter the class, while mumbling a small "Good morning" but no one replys only a few are looking at me, but then look away quickly. So I walk to my table and take my haedphones out, my "friends" just said Hi before they are paying no more attention to me. 

The school bell rang, which means we have now a bream and just three lessons left. Zoe one of the girls in my "friends group" suggested to make a group photo I just nodded as agreement and smiled slightly, I felt accepted. In the next moment she is holding her phone right before my face. "Angelica can you take one?" "Oh yea of course." I mumbled and I felt something in me break, one time I felt like I was a part and then everything gets destoroyed. I take the photo and I'm now escaping to the toilet, alone like always of course. No one was wondering, they didn't even thanked me for taking one. Am I now overreacting? Why are they ignoring me? What is wrong with me, am I weird or are they better than me?  Is it because I don't wear makeup, or not all the clothes they were? Not always dresses? Not going to parties or drinking alcohol?
Am I not good enough or just not "bad" enough? A single tear made her way down from my face. I quickly wiped it away, it is not gonna help to cry and not the solution. I stepped out of the toilet cabin, looking in my eyes, washing my hands. Fortunately my eyes weren't red or swollen so I just close my eyes again, taking a deep breath stepping out and make my way back to the classroom. Back at my table my friends stopped talking when I arrived, isn't it beautiful how every conversation dies when you come near? After about 1 minute they began talking again, but I didn't listen, honestly I didn't care.