Finding myself

Awakening

     My eyes fluttered open greeted by a bright light. My breathing was heavy and I have no idea where I am. I was in a white room on a king size bed. The silk sheets beneath my skin are all black. Finally I lifted my head from the plush pillows beneath me. Sitting up and examining my body. I had a few bruises on my arms and thighs. Still I wondered how I escaped such a fall with just bruises. How long have I been out? Who saved me?

    I admit that running away from Angelo was a bad idea. I should have planned things through. Possibly go with him and then come up with a plan to escape. Now everyone will be on high alert that I am a flight risk. Shaking my head at myself I continued to stare at the walls. Wondering how I can escape my situation. Why did he react that way? Maybe if he was softer with me in his response. Or if he allowed me to spend two more weeks home. Things would be different but now. Now I lost the small glimpse of respect I had for him. I wonder for a moment after our wedding if his feelings were true but now I know it's just about the contract. Well it has to be what else would be the reason for this union?

    Deciding to investigate I took matters into my own hands. My feet touched the ground and the cold icy feelings almost felt hot. Still I pressed forward towards the door.Every muscle in my body ached. Wincing as my fingers grasped the door handle, the door flew back. There before me was Angelo. Fear took over my body and I backed away from him once again. He was a monster and all of this is because of him. Yes my father was a drunk and he died that way. Who would want someone to settle a debt in this way? Sacrificing a man's daughter for his own transgressions. I accepted it as my fate at first but how can I now?

"What are you doing up, you need to rest and sit down. You'll hurt yourself and I don't want you to" Angelo said as he scooped me up, in one go bridal style.

I protested trying to kick my way out of his arms. He ignored me despite my efforts and admittedly it hurts to fight him. Needless to say I won't stop fighting.

"Will you stop don't you see you're hurting yourself, why did you run away anyways? I was harsh but if you spoke to me about it" Angelo softly said.

Shocked I decided to not respond at all to what he said. What was I supposed to say? Only an idiot wouldn't run away from a man who growled in anger. He wouldn't have listened if I spoke to him. I mean, I tried to and he was clearly angry. Something about his anger brought me back to my childhood. Maybe it was the way his blue eyes turned black or his demeanor. He was just like my father in some ways. Maybe I'm jumping to conclusions too soon but the duality in his personality troubles me. He's either happy or angry. How is this "relationship" supposed to work if he's in a constant battle with himself.

He placed me gently on the bed and the warmth of the sheets felt like heaven. We stared into each other's eyes for a while before he sighed and walked out the room. Sometimes I don't even want to look at him but I had to show him I wasn't timid. I wasn't afraid of his gaze and if he was staring so was I. If it makes sense at all. He left the door half cracked and I wonder if I should try again. I want to know where I am but I never asked. A shadow grew closer and closer to the room doors. I realized it was Angelo's figure in the distance with a tray of food in his hands.

" I made pumpkin soup" He declared with a slight smile. That indicated how proud of himself he was on the inside.

Still despite his efforts I dared not to answer him. It was too much,our situation and the traumatic experience I've endured. Why should I trust him to not poison me. Anyways, I suppose if he saved me, he didn't plan on killing me. How can I be sure? I thought as a stared at the soup before me. I was hungry and my stomachs playlist didn't hide that I was. I wasn't embarrassed by my stomachs growls but embarrassed that I reached such a low. All in a matter of one week.