Ranz' POV
I am pissed alright. He's my bestfriend. My partner in crime but he left me. He left us when we need him the most.
When my parents divorced, where is he then? Nasaan yung kaibigan kong inaasahan kong sana nandoon dahil alam nya namang nahihirapan ako sa sarili kong depression. Pero nasaan? Wala sya, hindi ba? Nawala lang sya ng parang bula and poof nasa US na pala.
I lost my will then, wala na talaga kong kaplano-plano sa buhay ko buti nalang nandyan yung iba pa naming mga kaibigan. Kahit paano naayos ko, kahit paano hindi ko naituloy yung ilang beses kong pagtatangkang magsuicide.
At ngayon nandito na yung taong hinahanap ko noong mga panahong 'yon.
Nakahiga sya sa kama dito sa isang room ng bakery. Walang malay at napakaputla.
Ano bang nangyayari dito?
Hindi ko maiwasang mag-alala kahit kaunti dahil palaging nasa kung anong lagay sya natatagpuan these days.
Hindi kaya sinasadya nya yan para maawa kami?
"Mmm"
Naputol ang pag-iisip ko ng marinig ko sya. Akala ko magigising na pero nakita kong nanginginig sya kaya naman sinipat ko ang noo nya.
Ang taas ng lagnat ng mokong.
"I'm... I'm sorry..." Mahinang palahaw nya.
"I'm sorry...I'm sorry... I'm sorry" paulit-ulit na sabi nya hanggang sa may tumutulong luha mula sa mata nya kahit nakapikit.
"Hindi ko alam kung mapapatawad pa kita. Pero umayos kang kumag ka, ayaw kong maawa sa'yo"
Umuwi na ang iilang empleyado ko so far at sabi ko maiiwan nalang muna 'ko dito.
Baka mapaano pa 'tong isang 'to.
I just stared at him, iniisip ko kung anong maaaring nangyari sa kanya.
Kung tutuusin, wala kaming lahat alam tungkol sa kanya. Wala kaming alam sa parents nya, kung saan sya nakatira, kung anong mga rason nya. Wala lahat dahil iniiwasan nya lahat mula noon at nirespeto namin 'yon.
Pero dahil sa nangyari, we feel abandoned and betrayed.
I was about to fall asleep when my phone beeped. It was a message from the phone fixer. Ayos na raw at for pick up na bukas.
_______
I woke up early pero mukhang mas maagang nagising yung kumag na 'yon dahil wala sya rito sa higaan nya.
"Ayan! Ang bilis mo namang matuto"
Rinig kong sabi ng naatasan kong tagahawak ng kusina pagkabukas na pagkabukas ko ng pinto ng kwarto.
"Ah, hehe salamat" kitang-kita ko yung ngiti ng mokong mula dito.
Tumikhim ako para kunin ang atensyon nila at sinamaan agad ng tingin si Cas pagkaharap nya.
"Sinong nagsabi sa'yong pwede kang mangiealam dito sa kusina?" Blangkong saad ko kaya nagbaba sya ng tingin.
"A-ah sir, ako po ang may kasalanan. Hinayaan ko po sya tapos tinuruan" pagtatanggol naman sa kanya ng empleyado ko.
"Do you want to get fired?" Naiiritang sabi ko kaya agad naman syang tumahimik at natakot ko ata.
"You" turo ko kay Cas. Agad naman syang nag-angat ng tingin. Blangko lang ang mga tingin nya, walang guilt, walang takot.
Good for you to forgot, asshole.
"Get out of here." Malamig na sabi ko at nakita ko naman kung paano sya yumuko.
Hindi ko na alam kung mapapatawad pa kita. At mas lalong ayaw kong maawa sa'yo.
I turned my back and walked to my office to get my bag. Kailangan ko pa palang mag-asikaso ng papeles para dito sa bakery.
I was about to exit when my phone beeped. Nakalimutan kong kailangan ko palang pick-up in ang phone ng mokong.
Dumiretso nalang ako doon, good thing mukhang umalis na sya.
Binuhay ko yung motorsiklo at pinaandar na papuntang pagawaan ng sirang phone. Nakita ko pang naglalakad si Caspien habang nakayuko at hawak ang dibdib nya.
Napano nanaman ba ang isang 'yan? Kahit nagtatakha ay hindi ko nalang sya pinansin at umalis nalang.
Tss, kung kelan lumaki ang katawan, doon pa naging sakitin.
"Heto na po sir"
Inabot nya sa akin ang phone na kakabayad ko lang ng service pangpagawa nya. Let me see, siguro naman may makikita ako dito kahit papaano.
I went to his message app only to find out na tatatlo lang ang kausap nya. It's just Arkin and a name 'Max' and 'Daemon'
I opened it nonchalantly habang naglalakad na papunta ulit sa motor ko.
'Yong sa Max lang ang tinignan ko dahil paniguradong puro kalokohan lang naman ang kay Arkin.
Lahat ng messages puro galing don sa Max
'Master Caspien, your dad said take care on your way to hospital' this was last year's message. There were also few messages after that with the same context about going to hospital.
'Master Caspien, your dad needs you' it was a message 5 days ago.
'Master Caspien, please come back...' This was a message sent just yesterday.
Nakakalito.
Unang-una sa lahat, bakit 'master?'
Anong ginawa nya sa hospital?
What happened to his dad?
And why is this person telling him to come back?
'Caspien, your dad told us what happened and I am so sorry for that. Let's just hang around next time, ey?' This is the context of daemon's message.
It was confusing, it feels like he hid lots of things from us.
I checked his gallery. There is absolutely nothing in here, buti nalang naisipan kong tignan yung trash bin ng gallery nya.
There I found a picture of him in a patient gown, he's looking at a window. I am not there but I can see how sad his eyes were even tho her lips were slightly curved.
The second picture shows something I can't even bare looking into.
It was him, with lots of apparatus, sobrang payat nya. Walang malay at mistulang binubuhay lamang ng makina.
The third picture was a woman who looks partially like him. The woman was smiling in the picture.
And the last picture? It was us... The circle of friends we have. I see Caspien, Shaun, Rey, Monique, Joseph and me. We were happy in the picture.
I can't help but to shed a lone tear.
What happened Caspien? What happened to us?
What happened to you...
I checked everything on his phone, until I reached the notes.
There is a single note he has here, and it says;
"Tell no one Cas, it's alright, it's fine..."
Gago ka Caspien, gago ka talaga.
