Noa

nine

"I had all and then most of you
Some and now none of you
Take me back to the night we met
I don't know what I'm supposed to do"
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I was sitting stiffly on the couch when I heard the lock on my front door click open. Ben's here. The door swings open and I stare at him. He turns, closes the door, and when he sees me sitting on the couch he stumbles to sit down next to me.

What's wrong with him?

He sits down and places a kiss on my cheek, lips lingering there for a second. That's when I smell his breath. He's drunk.

It's okay. At least he's being nice. Still, his text message has me on edge, so I decide to ask him about it.

"So, what did you want to talk about?" I ask, hesitant.

He turns to look at me and a big smile crosses his face. "How much I love you."

Does he? The conversation I had with Luke a few days ago has me questioning that. Whatever, as long as he's not mean I'll take it. I smile back at him and relax, no longer scared he was going to hurt me.

I turned on the TV and asked him, "Do you want something to drink?"

"Yeah, get me a coke."

I got up from the couch and opened my fridge to pull out a water for me and a coke for him. He doesn't really let me eat or drink sugary things, he doesn't want me gaining weight. I'm grateful that he looks out for me and my weight. Maybe he really does love me. If he didn't he wouldn't pay attention that much, right?

When I walk back over to the living room, I see him holding Jaxon's sticky note. I forgot to throw it out. I'm screwed. He was being so nice today and I just went and ruined it. Now I know why he has to teach me so many lessons.

I sit down on the couch and place the drinks on the table, ignoring him and the sticky note in his hand. I focus on the old sitcom playing instead.

"Am I a bad person? A bad boyfriend? I think I'm pretty good to you. I teach you lessons, make sure you dress properly and don't eat too much so you won't get fat. I'm a good boyfriend." He spits out venomously, but still sounds calm.

I refuse to look at him, already having an idea of where this was going. He grabs my face harshly, pulling to make me look at him.

"So why do you go and cheat on me with other men?" He finishes off, raising his voice at me.

"I've never cheated on you, Ben." I say calmly, tears welling up in my eyes. He stands up looking down at me. I stay seated.

"Really? Because this note says otherwise. This note tells me that my girlfriend's a whore who cheats with some idiot named Jax!" I stay silent, maybe if I don't talk he'll relax.

"Say something, slut!" He grips a handful of my hair and pulls me up from the couch. He lands a blow to my face, the same place where I had the cut before, that's going to bruise as well.

He still has his hand clinging onto my hair when he pushes me up against the wall, trapping me in between him and it, my back to his chest. What is he doing?

"You want to be treated like a whore, fine I'll treat you like one."

Then, his hands pull my sweatpants down. Wait, I don't want to. "Stop." I plead, crying.

He doesn't. My underwear gets pulled off next. "What so now you spread your legs for everyone but your boyfriend?" Stop.

I try to pull my underwear back off his leg but one his hands grabs both of mine and pins them against the wall. I don't want this. "Stop!" I try again.

Then I hear his zipper go down and he's inside me. No. I didn't want it.

I don't know how much time he was inside me because I went numb and blocked it out. Just finish. I want to be done.

He finishes and I fall down to the floor, shattered. I bring my knees up to my chest, my sweatpants still around my ankles. I turn so my right side is now facing the wall, not my front. The only things that can be heard in my apartment now are the sounds of my sobs and him pulling his pants up.

I feel him crouch down next to me. Please leave. Leave me alone.

"Don't ever try to replace me again. No one will ever love you except for me. Don't forget it." He pushes my head so it hits the wall so hard my ears start ringing. They only stop when I hear the door slam behind him.

I stay on the floor crying until it's dark out. My phone rings from where I left it on the coffee table. I crawl over to it.

When I pick the phone off the table. Unknown number. I let it ring, not knowing who it was. It rang again. Same number, maybe someone's in trouble. I pick up the phone.

"Hello?" I said, my voice hoarse from the crying.

"Hello? Noa, it's Jaxon. Are you okay? Your voice sounds strange."

When he asked me if I was okay I got teary eyed again. "Yeah. I'm good." I said, keeping it short because my voice was shaky.

"Are you sure? We can go over there right now-"

I cut him off, "No! No, that's okay."

"Uhm, okay when can we see you again then?" He asks.

"Oh, you need me to check the stitches or something?"

"Huh? Oh, oh yeah, the stitches. Can we meet you tomorrow?"He speaks.

"Oh, I work tomorrow but if we can do it before then yes."

"Great. I know this cafe, I'll send you the address. Bye."

"Bye."

I put my phone down and think about how I'm going to pull this off. Ben can't know I'm meeting with Jax because then something much worse will happen. I just have to go in, check his stitches and leave. He won't find out. Why do I care about him? He raped me.

Did he rape me? I said no. I asked him to stop. I didn't want it.

I get up from the floor, legs shaking, pants still around my ankles. There's a streak of blood going down my left leg. I look over to where he left me on the ground. There's blood on the wall from where he pushed my head into it.

I go to the bathroom and take a shower. I look at the sweatpants I had on and see drops of blood on the grey material. I look at the underwear, it can't be saved, so I just throw it in the trash.

I go to my kitchen, opening the cabinet under the sink getting cleaning supplies and carrying them over to the angry blood stain on the wall. While I scrub the wall I think about the conversation I had with Luke.

"You don't hit people you love, babe."

He doesn't love me.

He hasn't loved me for months.

I haven't loved him for months.

Enough is enough.

I'm done.

I'm changing the locks tomorrow.

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1152 words
She's done. Ben's not. Talk about recipe for disaster.
- A :)