Kill of the night

Chapter 1

March 15th
Bristol

Josie (2 weeks later)

It's today. The day I officially say goodbye to her, I still can't believe it.

Since the day I moved in with Miller, my life has only gotten worse. It has nothing to do with him, he's been nothing but an angel to me, things just haven't been easy.

The nightmares are constant and the guilt even greater. The fact that I didn't realize that she wasn't happy, that she felt alone enough to end her own life, breaks my heart.

I haven't slept in two weeks because every time I close my eyes I see the image of her pale face. Since then, I've been lying awake distracting myself with the TV or smoking a joint on the porch waiting for the sunrise to talk to her.

Usually people relate the dead to stars or sunsets but my sister is definitely a sunrise. It illuminates us during the day and guides us where to go.

Turns out she hasn't guided me very far this week, so maybe that's a sign that she's not ready to leave me either.

At one point Victoria called me, she came to visit her parents at the beginning of the month and heard from a neighbor what happened to my sister. Again I felt guilty for not telling her sooner, after all Elise was also part of Vicky's life.

She came to visit me the same day and that was the only day this week I was able to sleep. The best two hours of my life.

She started helping me with the funeral arrangements as much as I was trying to avoid it. It's never easy to do something like this.

I had to choose what outfit she was going to be buried in, who to invite, what to say on her behalf.

And today, I'm gonna have to read my speech in front of all her friends, family friends and acquaintances that I just felt would make sense to show up here.

I don't even know how to think of her name without crying, let alone give an entire speech about what a great person she was and how much I loved her. I'll walk out of here defeated.

I have arrived at the place of the funeral. People have already come to me with pity-covered eyes giving me their condolences like I need them for shit.

Only those who suffer know how it is, and no one who wished me a good rest of life and who said that the pain will pass quickly is suffering. They're all a bunch of clueless idiots.

Miller left the house early today, said he had some errands to do before the funeral, but he'd meet me here afterwards. Vicky however came to pick me up at the house, and drove us here.

People keep coming and when I see enough around the coffin, my funeral director looks at me, telling me it's time.

"I wanted to start of by thanking you all for being here on this not so good day for all of us" I say monotonously the part Victoria added in my speech.

She said I was being rude on saying that none of them were worthy to be here, however in my opinion I think that would be the right thing to say, but I still followed her plan so I wouldn't be called insensitive afterwards.

" I'm here to speak in memory of my sister Elise that we all had the pleasure and honor to share our lives with" Vicky puts a hand on my back and caresses when she hears my voice break, "I don't want to talk too much because obviously I wasn't physically ready for this moment, and I don't know if I ever would be, but Elie was and will always be my voice, if she were here today and this was under other circumstances, she would be holding my hand saying how everything would be alright."