Life's Paths

Journey

Life began. Born a woman first in her parents arms and then on her own two feet, she traveled along the road through life. Her parents made her believe there were many paths but only some were good. School taught her there were many paths but only a few were good. Her friends taught her the paths were infinite, each friend implied some were worth trying even though they themselves had not gone down those paths before. The media, the strangers, the people around her gave her some incite on what would happen if you went down either path. Though her parents and her school spoke about them, only the people that lived it really convinced her. Some of those paths that her parents, her school, her family had placed red warning signs over looked rather promising when looking in at the people taking them.

Every time she saw these paths, she either walked past them or she peered in. She stepped her foot into some of the paths, just to get a feel of them. For the ones that had warning signs over, well, she loved and respected her parents so she decided for now she'd stay in front of the warning signs and only simple peer in from the distance she was at. What she learned was that some people experienced very good things beyond these paths, others did not have very good experiences and some came back from those paths battered and bruised. Even those who had seemed perfectly fine the last time she looked.

As she grew older she began asking questions about different paths, because she wanted to find the answers to questions people asked about her future. There were many questions like "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Will you get married? How about kids? Ever thought of being a...? What religion do you follow? What do you identify as? What do you believe? What is right and wrong? What would you and would you not do, once you have the freedom to do as you please?

From the things she learned she realized life was different for everyone. Some of the most dangerous signs yielded the most successful people. The line she was on currently had some too.

She made choices along the way, and found that whatever choice you make led you down to more intersections revealing new paths. And that once you take a path, it was hard to turn back.

Often it just didn't seem right to turn back after coming all this way. Sometimes it was unsurety; if not this path then what then? This girl felt like she always knew what she wanted though, so she often chose her paths based on the ones that would seem to lead her down the other paths closer to a possible future - the one she wanted. But this was often scary. Because the farther she went down similar paths, the deeper she went down these paths, the farther away and the more difficult it seemed to ever change her mind. That was scary, because she could not see the end of the road for her at this point and even though the adults often said it was 'never too late to change', she didn't want to change. It felt like too much of a waste. After all this time, 'I need to accomplish something down this path, at least something before I go through that long journey back.' What other path would she even take? She knew what she wanted, she was on it.

She traveled and tried her best to choose the paths that would lead her to her goal. It wasn't always a sure decision, but she always had some reasoning to give her confidence somewhat. She even passed people along the way who told her she fit the path she was on and how excellent she was and all the success when she would get there. However ,sometimes she'd learn about better ways to get to her goal. Only, when she turned around to see, those choices had long passed her. Those paths would've had to be chosen years ago, and even worse, some of these paths were closed off from this side. Because of the paths she had chosen, the paths she could use to go back and change became limited. For some things, they're were alternate options that could take her to the goal those other paths she missed led to, but it would be a long winded journey and it was hardly forward. It was mostly sideways or going back. She didn't want that, so she'd cut her losses and keep going.

But these things gnawed at her. Overtime she started to doubt her choices. She couldn't help but think how better off she would be if she had followed those alleged 'better paths.' To make things worse, certain conditions were starting to bar her from taking certain paths. When she examined why, she realized the paths she was now on were growing closer and closer to this thing called 'adulthood.' This 'adulthood' had one thing in common in every path: responsibility. For a lot of things, including her life. There were things she hadn't had to think about before, which she now had to. Because of those, she could not reasonably enter paths, and even the ones she could, it was not reasonable to assume she'd make it through them, it was beyond her abilities. To top it all off, some of the paths she used to see, started disappearing! As if someone took an eraser and erased them gradually before her eyes. She knew who did most of them - her parents. Some were her family, some were her friends. What she noticed of those before they disappeared was that - something she hadn't noticed before - they were drawn. Drawn, illustrated, made up. Those kinds of paths she named 'fantasies.' Those paths that her parents, family and friends drew for her as a possibility, but in reality they were entirely implausible or entirely non-existent. She began to worry that the paths she was now on or planning to go to were just 'fantasies.'

Her fears came true. The closer she got to her goal the more paths she planned to take disappeared. Because of finances, because of environmental factors, even her age. All of a sudden those paths her parents said were totally okay, were not. First they were barred, but as she fought to have them removed, her parents explained to her how for some paths, it didn't matter if they were removed, it just wasn't possible to take. At least not for her, not considering all these 'adulthood' characteristics that had to be dealt with.

Time after time. Year after year. Within the years even. She was forced into plan B's then C's then D's. Paths she had to take which even though weren't east or west, weren't exactly north. The more she was forced into these devastating decisions, the idea of her future - no matter how many times she tried to compromise - began to disappear. She couldn't see it anymore. She began to get depressed. She fell out of love with everything regarding these paths she was taking. No activity she used to love brought joy to her. Every step was tedious. She felt worn out and even though her body was still young, she could feel the pressed wrinkles already starting to form. From stress and the like.