A Bittersweet Kind of Love

Chapter 16

Things changed. Michael toughened up and he wasn't playing nice guy anymore. Leila was confused and scared for her future. He was waiting for her to go off and question him. He didn't want to bring up the sensitive subject but he was willing to.

On my part, he told me to make any decision I wanted to. He said if I decided to raise the baby as my own, he would be by side 100% but he wasn't going to pretend the child was his and he would let it be known he was the child's adoptive father. He said if I chose to not take in the baby that I couldn't blame myself for my sister's abortion, that it was ultimately her responsibility and her decision. But being the delicate being that I was, my family knew I was too kind to say no.

I went to the store with my mother one day. We were in the pharmacy waiting for her meds, which was really for me.

"Let's get something to drink. Are you okay?" she asked me.

Nodding, I walked behind her to the register.

"Honey, don't worry about it," she said as we stood in the checkout line.

"What are you talking about, Mom? You all have been pressuring me and taking advantage of my kindness."

"We just think it is best for you. You are lonely and Kyra already has her own family."

"I'm not lonely."

"You have no one right now. You are fresh from divorce."

"I do have someone. I just haven't told anyone."

She looked at me as if I was lying. I rolled my eyes and we walked up to the register.

"Hi, how are you?" the young girl asked us.

"Fine," we both said in unison placing our drinks on the counter.

"Wait, I want some gum. I am sorry," my mom said trying to quickly pick out a flavor.

"Take your time. No one's behind you." The girl kept staring at me. I kept looking away but I felt her stare burning me. I smiled at her and she smiled back. "Did anyone ever tell you that you look just like Kiayra? The singer?"

I rolled my eyes. "Yes. She is my sister."

"Oh my God, really? Can I have your autograph?"

I laughed at her. "I'm not famous but you can ask my mom. She's her stylist."

"Excuse me?" my mom said putting her gum and candy down for the girl to scan.

"She's a fan of Kiayra and she wants your autograph."

"Oh," my mom laughed. "We're not the superstars."

"But you're related. What are you guys doing here?"

"Well, Kiayra's pregnant so we're picking up her meds in the pharmacy," I said with a smile.

My mom looked at me like I was crazy.

"Are you serious?"

"She's kidding around," my mom said with an attitude. She was clearly pissed at me but I didn't care. I was pissed at her too.

"So, she's not pregnant?"

"Yes, she is," I said. "Watch, she'll be showing soon enough...that is if she decides to keep the baby. My sister isn't the person you think she is. Don't buy her album."

"Here!" My mom threw a $20 bill at her. "Just give me my change and stop listening to her. She's jealous of her sister. You cannot listen to her."

"Not jealous. Just sick of this bullshit, Ma." I didn't mean to make a scene but I felt trapped. Like there was a murderer in the house and he said to tell the police who was knocking at the door that everything was okay. This was me winking my eye at the police telling them I needed help and that I wasn't okay. I know the girl believed me. My mom's defensiveness and look of shame on her face gave herself away.

But my mom tried to clean it up. "Well, let's tell the nice girl how you are pregnant too."

"What?" I said quickly.

"Yeah. Both of my daughters are pregnant at the same time. How about that, hm?"

"Um...wow. Congrats," the cashier said as she gave my mom her change. The girl was clearly taken by surprise by our little act.

"I'm not pregnant," I said. "You know what—bye, Mom."

"You walk out that door and I'm not giving you squat!"

"Keep it! I don't need them." I didn't want the meds anymore. I told Michael I would stop anyway.

I walked out to my car and left my mom at the store. I didn't care how she got home. No one cared about me so why care about them? I drove to Kyra's house and spilled the beans. I couldn't keep it in anymore. I broke down crying. She was enraged. She was the hot headed one of the sisters. Very loud and opinionated and tough. Kiayra was the careless selfish bimbo and I was always the successful pushover who hated to put on a dress.

I hoped that Kyra yelling and telling me this was not my responsibility would convince me that it really wasn't and that I didn't have to agree to do this, but nothing seemed to helped. I felt I had to.

~*~

It was raining again and it was dark out, my favorite scene. I sat in the backyard on the concrete poolside as my feet sat in the pool. I stared into the water that was illuminated with a blue light. I thought about my future with the baby and Michael. I tried to picture it but it was blurry. I just couldn't see it. I felt tears running down my face. I put my hand over my stomach. I felt as if I was pregnant and I had a decision to make. But if there really was a baby growing inside me, there would be no decision to make, and there would only be tears of joy.

I heard the back door slide open. I was expecting Michael but not so soon.

"Why are you in the rain?" I heard him getting closer to me.

I threw my head back and let the rain mix with my tears and wash them away. I didn't want him to know I was crying. I had my eyes closed and then I felt him hovering over me and his umbrella stopped the rain from hitting my face.

"Get up," he said. He grabbed my hand and walked me inside. "You're going to get sick." He was touching my wet hair.

"I want to do it."

"Do what?"

"I want the baby."

He stopped and stared at me. "Don't do this because you feel obligated."

"I'm not. My family pressuring me and wanting me to do it for their own selfish reasons really got to me. But I rather take the baby in then have her do something so cruel as to just get rid of it. I would make a good mom, right?"

"Of course," he said grabbing my face and kissing it. "We're in this together."

"So, we're going to be parents soon I guess." It sounded super weird.

"I promise I'll sign anything you want me to. I want to do this with you. By time the baby comes, the divorce will be final and I'll be all yours."

"Maybe we can even run off somewhere and get married first."

He nodded, laughing. "This is insane but I absolutely love the sound of it."

"I love you. I'm glad you're happy."

"As long as you're happy, I'm happy."

I felt as peace again. I just wanted to be happy and be able to sleep. I prayed nothing would go wrong but who was I kidding? Nothing ever went my way.