What's Forever

Chapter 53

"Hey." I said, putting Ava in the playpen.

"Hey, I ... we ... you've been busy." Bella said.

"Yeah, I've been working and helping Sue as much as I can."

"Val ... I'm sorry." she said.

"What exactly are you sorry for, Bella?"

"I ... I don't know. Ever since that day on the reservation, we haven't ... I don't want to lose you." she said.

"Bella, you've gotta put all that attention you give to others, to these guys, you've gotta put it on yourself." I sighed.

"I'm not good at self-care." she sighed, sitting down.

"I've noticed, you're so used to taking care of your mother and Charlie that you don't really know how to take care of just yourself." I said, surprised that it took me this long to figure that out clearly.

"Focusing on me doesn't come easily."

"It's a work in progress, kid. Every day is another step towards that goal. How's Jacob?"

"Still just a friend, I made it very clear to him that I'm not looking for another relationship. Have you seen, Alice?" she smiled.

"Yeah, a couple of times, she's been busy. Emmett is building her a small house and she's in full decorating mode." I laughed.

"She tried to get me to go furniture shopping with her. It's too much."

"Same here, I don't know where she gets so much energy from."

"Val, do you know if they're coming back? All of them?" she asked.

"I don't know, Emmett doesn't either. I don't think they've come to a full decision on what they want to do. He also isn't in contact with everyone." I told her honestly.

"I don't want to see him." she said, surprising me.

"What?"

"If they do come back, I don't want to see him. Not that I think he'd be all that interested in seeing me but, I don't want to speak to him." she said with a steady voice.

"That's your choice and I respect that, I'm sure he will. Well, I hope he does anyway."

"This has been a hot mess. Sometimes I wish I never came to Forks but then I think about you and about Alice and about Jake and, I don't regret it as much." she told me.

"I'm happy that you're here too. You wanna crash here tonight?" I asked her.

"Yeah, please."

"Your clothes from last time are washed and in the guest bedroom upstairs. Go shower and I'll make something unhealthy for us to eat."

"Thank you, Valentina." she sighed, hugging me.

"I swear that you're gonna give me more grays than my own daughter." I said as I wrapped my arms around her, making her laugh.

"That's not my intention."

"You're a teenager, it's bound to happen."

"You act like you're so much older than me." she said as she pulled away.

"25 to your 18 kid, I'm older than you and therefore, more knowledgeable about life. Do not ever doubt that. Go shower."

"I'll be right back." she smiled.

We had a good night eating chocolate-covered popcorn with mini Reese's cups and M&M's mixed in and watching movies. This Bella, the laid-back, not-boy-obsessed Bella is fun to be around. I really do feel for her sometimes. She needs someone to take care of because that's how she grew up, needing to be the adult because her mom couldn't bother to be. I mean, I've heard great stuff about her but she just wasn't the most mature maternal presence, and that lack of structure shaped Bella into who she is today.