Should′ve never let you go

Right now

After what felt like an eternity, I was still sitting on this bench, it was now dark and the street lanterns gave a little light. It got colder. Actually, I was always afraid of being alone in the dark, but today everything was different. I enjoyed it very much. With my thought alone again, I stared at the sidewalk. Harry's songs sounded in my ears again and again. „I'm in my bed
And you're not here..." that's exactly what I felt at that moment. I had Steve, why the hell couldn't I be happy with him? What I had with? What was I missing so much? I didn't know what I longed for, but I felt like I would find it in Harry. Everything still sounds so absurd. I, a 25-year-old young woman, is trying to meet Harry Styles the roughly biggest pop star in the world to tell him that she thinks about him again after 9 years and probably still loves him? I often wondered what was actually wrong with me. But why did something have to be wrong with me? I just wanted to be happy. I was aware that everything could end differently, but I was willing to accept this. I looked up when I heard loud engines noises. A big black bus drove past me, I looked tensely at the windows and made sure that Harry was sitting at one of the windows and had just looked at me. In the meantime, my brain was going crazy and I should probably go home. I pulled out my cell phone and dialled Steve's number. Nothing. I tried it again and again and didn't achieve anything. Great, so I had to try to get home in the middle of the night. As if that wasn't enough, I was now also getting bitterly cold. So I went to the next train station and tried to find out how I would get home again. It used to be no problem, Harry and I were travelling by bus and train every day. How else should we get anywhere without a car? After three hours, two missed lanes and countless nervous breakdowns later, I reached my house. I stood in front of it, looked at my cell phone and looked for my key. When I closed the door quietly, I saw that there was still light on everywhere. "Steve?" I called through the brightly lit hallway, but there was no reaction. I walked through the house, but Steve was nowhere to be found. I threw myself in my big blue sweater, grabbed a glass of wine and sat down on the terrace. Tears rolled over my cheek briefly, I was overwhelmed by all my emotions and had no one to talk about. Of course I had great friends but it wasn't the type of friends I would tell everything to. I wiped my tears away and took a strong sip of my wine. Inside, I was mad at Steve, that he had just let me stand there and probably sits somewhere in a bar and, as so often on weekends, drinks probably one by one. He thought I wouldn't notice it, but he couldn't hide the smell of whiskey. I looked at my cell phone at 4 o'clock in the morning, slowly the sun was rising again and I got a little tired. The last few hours had cost me a lot of strength, I only closed my eyes briefly, didn't really want to sleep at all, but I just had no more strength. At some point after that, Steve must have come home, i no longer sat outside in our comfortable swing, I was lying in our bed now. I opened my eyes and looked around, alone again. I focussed and saw a small note lying on his bed half, "sorry for yesterday, I love you" wow, he could have saved himself that. I was still quite angry and couldn't wait for him to get Home. I picked up my mobile phone and saw some missed calls from an unknown number. Certainly nothing important. I got up and put on something, I wanted to treat myself to a decent breakfast again after yesterday. I tied my hair together, grabbed my keys and drove to my favourite baker. Maybe I could finally recharge my batteries again, when I got there I could hardly believe my eyes, Harry's mother just got out of the car next to me. "Emery!" She called me radiantly and took me firmly in her arms "we haven't seen each other forever, how are you?" I think that's true, after my parents left the town with me for some time, I rarely saw them, I was very happy to see her again. I had always loved them so much, I had never forgotten their warm nature. I told her that I was fine and we had a little small talk. I invited her to my house, she was still a good friend of the family and now that I was close again, we had a lot to catch up. Our conversation was interrupted by the loud bell of my cell phone. Another unknown number. I refused the call and put the cell phone back in my pocket. "Sorry Anne, see you on Friday, I have to go" I said goodbye and got myself a decent breakfast from the bakery.