Should′ve never let you go

Where Do Broken Hearts Go

I didn't know what to do. I couldn't go anywhere. I first sat down in our guest room and took a deep breath while I examined my wrist. How long would everything last until I could be with Harry? Until everything would finally be better and I wouldn't have to come back home. My life here was a single pile of shards. The only thing that made me continue was Harry and the thought of being able to be with him soon. It felt good that I had prevailed against Steve. It gave me strength and the security to continue to get through everything. I looked at the clock. Half past 9. the day had passed so I took off my clothes and went to bed. I didn't want to cross Steve again, at least not for today. I quickly typed another message to Harry wishing him a good night and a good flight tomorrow morning, I waited briefly for an answer but I was just too tired and so I fell asleep during it. When I looked at my cell phone the next morning, I could hardly believe my eyes. It was flooded with news and links to newspaper articles. Fuck! I was afraid to read them but curiosity won. So I clicked on the link and read what was written about me there. Thank God, it was not about an affair or something like that, but only about the cooperation between Harry and me. That made me easier. No fake news that could upset Steve again. Of course, I immediately sent the link to Harry and waited for a reaction. Nothing. Surely he was still on the plane or just didn't have time. So I lay there in my bed, waited for Harry to write to me and thought about how to proceed. Could I really pull the whole thing through? Just really leave steve behind? Give up my whole life for a man who had left me alone? I didn't feel like getting up that morning. I wanted to stay right here and ask myself all these questions. Thinking about my future. Something I had done too many times else. I never let everything come to me, or decided spontaneously but focussed on my head. Never to my heart. Never after what I really wanted, only what seemed best and what everyone expected of me. Surely I would have gone with Harry at the time, because that's what my heart wanted at that time. So, what did my heart want now? Harry or Steve? It was terrible to think about it, I was sure I wanted to be with Harry, but deep inside me I still felt I would love Steve, not infinitely strong but enough not to immediately pack my bag and leave everything behind me. I was quite restless inside, I was afraid of what to expect and whether I could even deal with all the new. Finally came a message from Harry, I quickly picked up my cell phone to check "hey, finally no garbage from them! I landed safely ❤️" he wrote and I was relieved, the fear was a great companion. Fear that something could happen to him. Very good! I'm lying in bed today, I don't like to get up," I answered and sent him a photo of my legs. I couldn't understand why my mood was so bad, the weather was good and I had every reason to look forward to the coming weeks, but nothing. There was no anticipation. At least not at this moment. There was sadness. I was sad not to be able to be with him, to support him, to feel his closeness, to laugh with him and simply to be with him. It felt like in a movie and I was in the leading role.