flecks of gold like sunshine | KOTLC

Not Fine | Sophie

"Honey, you'll be fine."

Nope. I won't. That's the worst lie I've ever heard. I already know I most definitely won't be fine even before I step out of the door. Everything about today just screams bad, if you know what I mean.

"How can you know that?" I huff. "Especially...today." Today. The anniversary of the accident.

Edaline, my adoptive mother, gives me a reassuring smile. "Sophie, you'll be fine. Just be yourself!"

Yeah right. Someone clearly forgot to tell her the part where being yourself just doesn't work out in high school.

Grady nods. He's my adoptive father. "You'll be fine. It's just a normal day! Nothing's different." Except for the tiny little fact that today's the day where my parents basically died. Still, I play along and nod with my parents, even parting my lips to show a little (totally sincere) smile.

My parents leave the room after I shoo them out, claiming I "need some alone time", though in truth, the mentioned "alone time" includes crying my eyes out. No matter what I do, I can't get that day out of my head...

"Come on, Dad, are we there yet? Are we there yet?" an excited, eight year old Sophie squeals.

My dad - my real, biological dad - laughs, a booming sound that bounces around in the car and warms my heart. "Soon, Soybean. I promise." That's what he used to call me, a nickname because I apparently tried to pronounce my name and it came out all mangled, sounding like that.

I hum happily as I stare out the window, pressing my cheek flat against the cold glass. I notice that there's a black SUV speeding down the other road in our direction, and the light's just gone green. My father presses his foot down on the accelerator and we rocket forward. I squeal at the sudden, jarring movement. 

I should have done something. 

Should've screamed.

Should've cried, "Slow down!"

I did nothing. And that cost me everything.

The black SUV doesn't stop, and I see the driver's eyes widen, knowing what's about to happen. I see my father's foot slam down on the breaks, and my mother turns back to look at me, raw panic written over her beautiful features as three words escape her lips. The last three she'll ever say.

"Sophie, hold on!"

Then I feel my head against the seat in front and everything fades to black, the sound of crunching glass filling my ears.

I hug my knees against my chest, swiping away these useless, useless tears. Crying isn't ever going to bring them back. I should probably be grateful that Edaline and Grady are amazing adoptive parents. But I'm selfish. I want them back. I want them back with me.

I sigh. I feel so stupid. It's been nine years and I still can't get over it. I squeeze my eyes shut, fighting back the sickening memories. 

Edaline must've heard my not-so-concealed sobs, because she knocked on the door, a bit cautiously. "Sophie, are you alright?" I plastered on a smile - in case she decided to come in - swept the pieces of tissue paper off my bed in a flurry and moved my voice up an octave. "Of course! I'm ready," I warble, overly cheerful. 

Edaline pushes open the door, and I thank the heavens silently that my eyes aren't puffy or bloodshot anymore. "You know the way, right? Or do you want me to drive you?" I have to roll my eyes at that. I've been walking to school since forever, and I know Edaline's just concerned, but this is a bit extreme. "Of course! Bye" - I remember just in time to use the word that I should probably use more often - "Mum."

Edaline smiles. "Have a great day, sweetie." I keep the smile on my face. But once I'm out the front door, I let it drop. Because I know it's not going to be a good day.