Baddest

Chapter 11

I am a creep. Really. I stayed on the phone until his must've died, just listening to him breathe because for some reason it made me feel calm. If I closed my eyes I could pretend he was laying beside me, and it was probably the best feeling I'd had all day. It was like I could almost relive the night I'd actually laid with him.

I know all she wanna do is be near me.
One thing is that I felt the same.

I wake up the next morning to my phone ringing, and I make the mistake of answering without checking the caller ID. You'd think I'd learnt my lesson about just answering my phone without looking, considering last time didn't go so well.

"Hello?" I say as I stretch my stiff body, the couch was not my friend.

"Madison Grace, tell me why I'm seeing my daughter disgrace this family all over tv! Dancing like stripper at a bar for the whole world to see! What were you thinking?" My mother's voice pierces my ears.

Just fucking great.

I'm not sure what she even means by "family". That's one word thats never described us.

"Mum, do we have to do this now?" I sigh.
"I am so disappointed in you Madison. You made yourself look like such trash, complete filth." She snaps back at me.

"Like you've ever not been disappointed with me?" My voice cracks. Don't cry Madison. Don't do it. "Wish I could have taken the easy way out like your father, instead I have to deal with the embarrassment of being your mother." Such venom in her voice.

I can't help it now, the tears are flowing. That just fucking hurt. "Let me make this easy for you then, you have no daughter. Pretend I fucking died, pretend you aborted me like you really wish you'd done. Don't you think I know how much you fucking hate me? I've lived my whole life trying to earn just an ounce of love from you. I've starved myself, hated myself, and hurt myself for you. I'm done. I need to cut you out of my life, you're toxic and I can't do it anymore." I sob into the phone. I can hear her screaming as I end the call.

I'm just falling apart. In this moment I'm facing the fact that my mother has never, and will never love me. It's the first time I'm really facing the truth. She will never look at me and see more than a disappointment who ruined her life. I've been in denial, always thinking it was my fault and if I just tried harder she would love me. That day would never come.

My phone rings and I answer. "I told you I'm do–."

"Woah, woah!"Colson breaks through my aggressive greeting.

"Oh.." I sniffle. "I'm sorry, I didn't know it was you."

"Hey, what's going on sugar spice?" His voice sounds concerned.

I hesitate because if I talk about it, I'm going to continue to cry. "I don't want to talk about it..."

"Fuck that. You better tell me, I'll show up there Madison. Don't test me." He says.

"I've just accepted that my mother hates me, and thinks I'm a disappointment. Deep down I've known that all my life, but I think part of me hoped that would change one day. That she would miraculously love me. I just got off the phone with her, which is why I'm crying. It didn't go well. I'm mad that I'm even crying over it, but I just feel so broken." My voice keeps cracking as I continue to try to control my emotions but it's just not working.

"Your mother is a bitch baby, she should be disappointed in herself. She's unhappy with her life and making you pay for it. Don't cry sugar spice, Its killing me and I might do some crazy shit." Colsons nickname for me still gives me fucking butterflies and they feel so good when I'm sad like this.