Across the Pond

Chapter 52

I walked out of Nico's car last night feeling the happiest that I had ever been in my whole life. I always knew that Nico loved me, but I thought that his love for me was solely platonic, despite the fact that my love for him carried more meaning than just friends. I guess that's the thing with love...it's not quantifiable.

I don't want to ruin this moment, but I can't help but wonder when Nico's feelings took a turn. Did they transform from platonic to romantic overnight? Or was I oblivious? Have those romantic feelings always been there?

I've always been so consumed by my feelings for Nico that I didn't stop to think about the fact that he could feel the same way about me as I do him. What I do know, though, is that I don't want to mess this up, and by 'this', I don't mean the romantic side of my relationship with Nico. I mean my relationship with him as an entirety. At the end of the day, Nico is this fixture in my life. No matter what, he will always be a part of it. Yet, I'm still scared that entering into this newfound territory with him will harm the foundation that we've built over the last 9 years.

I need Remi. I need her advice.

I dial her cell, and am surprised when she picks up on the first ring considering it's 11 AM and Remi usually sleeps on Sundays until at least noon.

"Waddup?" she says into the phone, her voice raspy, which means that she definitely just woke up.

"Rem, I need you. Can you come over?"

"Oh no," she wearily states, "what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, but you might freak out when I tell you about last night."

"I'll be there in 10."

Remi literally got to Grandma Ruby's house in 10 minutes. She lives for the gossip, not that I'm considering my life gossip.

"Tell me everything," she demands the second that I open the front door.

"Remi, you didn't even walk into the house yet."

"Yeah, and don't think for a second that my mind wasn't racing the entire car ride over here," she steps into the hallway and dramatically says.

"Okay, follow me," I tell her as I head for the stairs.

"Oh my god, we're going to your room? This must be juicy."

I hop on my bed and criss-cross my legs; Remi does the same. "Okay, spill."

"Okay," I tell her, lifting my palms up in front of her face, "are you ready?"

"Cut the shit, B, and get to it, will ya?"

"Okay," I chuckle, before admitting, "Nico and I kissed last night."

Remi's jaw immediately drops and it stays that way.

"You?" she points to me. "Nico?" Then she points to the side. "You and Nico?" She pauses again. "Kissed?"

"Yes. Yes. Yes. And yes."

"AHHHHHHHHHH!" she covers her mouth and shrieks so loud that I'm afraid mom and Grandma Ruby will barge into my room any second to make sure that everything's okay.

"Remi," I yell, pulling her arm down. "Lower your voice."

"You're telling me that you kissed the love of your life last night and you want me to lower my voice? Are you insane?" She looks around the room. "No, you're not insane, THIS is insane. Insane in a good way, of course."

"Remi!" I call out, hoping that'll quiet her.

"I'm sorry, B, but how else do you expect me to react? This is a big deal. How are you not freaking?"

"Oh, trust me. I barely slept last night."

Remi finally calms down and looks at me studiously. "How are you feeling about everything?"

I search around my room, thinking of what to say...as if I haven't spent the last twelve hours trying to figure out how I feel. "I don't know. Happy. Confused. Shocked."

"All valid," Remi nods. "But, B, this is the moment that you've been waiting for."

"I know, I know. I just...I guess a big part of me is having a hard time appreciating what happened between me and Nico because I'm still a bit doubtful."

"Doubtful? Doubtful about what?"

"About what Nico feels for me exactly."

Remi looks at me, confused. "Uh, I think he showed you exactly how he feels last night."

"That's not what I mean," I tell her. "I just don't want this to be a summer fling for Nico. He tends to act impulsively and in the moment, and while that's great, I don't want that to be the case when it comes to me and what I feel for him."

Remi inches closer to me, reaching for my shoulder with her hand. "B, Nico's not going to do anything that involves the risk of losing you. Don't you know that by now?"

"I think so, yeah."

"If you're questioning what happened, why don't you just ask Nico where he's at with all of this?"

"I did, but he just tells me what I want to hear."

Remi pouts her lips at me. "Bella, ever since I've known you, you sabotage the good in your life by downplaying it or coming up with an excuse as to why it happened. Stop negating everything. Stop finding a problem with it, and instead, relish in the fact that maybe what you want to hear is not just want you want...it's actually the truth."