Defiant: Book 2 of the Forbidden Series

Chapter Eleven: Sacrifices

Van

Van was in the void again, only this time she wished to remain there forever. Waking had been a dream. No–a nightmare. One that took Luca from her in the worst way possible. Worse even than death because at least in death, Luca belonged to himself. If she stayed in the utter darkness, then maybe out in the light, he remained free and unchained.

"Van, honey."

Her mother's voice echoed around her, and she hunkered down in her small pool of light, pressing her face into her knees. She didn't want to leave. Didn't want to feel the pain. That burning agony from the first few days in the void would be preferable.

Something cool brushed against her. Hands caressing her face. Pushing back her hair. Drawing her out... Until finally, her eyes opened, and she found Xandra leaning over her. Her mother's relieved smile turned tense the longer she stared at Van. When Van sat up, the reason was obvious. White had once again swallowed the green, but this time, it barely took a thought for it to retreat.

She leaned into her mother, trembling as she cried. Xandra said nothing, opting to rub Van's back until she ceased sobbing, and then she wiped the tears from her cheeks. Then she poked her head outside the bedroom, spoke softly to someone, and closed the door. She didn't return to the bed.

"Van, you shouldn't have gone with the others."

That wasn't at all what Van expected her mother to say. "Excuse me?"

"It was foolish, and now look. Barely out of a coma, and you're already back in the sickbed."

"Because of Livy!"

"Yes, well, I've had words with her. I'm not sure why two shifters and a Slayer thought it was necessary to tranquilize a human to restrain her."

She bit back her response, relieved to hear the others had not told Xandra she could shift. As much as it rankled that her mother viewed as little more than a weak human, until she could control her abilities, it wasn't very far from the truth. And she had a sneaking suspicion that if the Deltas learned what she could do, they would put her under lock and key, poked and prodded, until they understood exactly what she was and how she could be used. It was clear they were already close to doing it just so they could understand that potion. They would call it a necessary evil, and her mother... well, her mother would go along with it if it meant Van was safe.

"They left him! They left Luca."

It hurt to speak it out loud. She remembered how painful those collars felt when she touched them. Now, she knew it was because she was Protean as well, but she could not separate that feeling from them. And one was around Luca's neck. Hurting him. Forcing him–an Alpha–to bend to another's will.

To Isaiah's will.

That detail slotted itself in the forefront of Van's thoughts. She'd barely given that part any consideration in the moment, too focused on trying to rescue Luca, but it was all she could think of now. Isaiah's obsession with Van was a diseased, toxic thing, and it didn't take a genius to guess becoming what he loathed most in the world would only make it worse.

Xandra exhaled. "We are making arrangements to get him back, but Van... it's not a priority. We can't divert resources to a rescue mission. Not in the middle of a war."

She jumped out of the bed and slapped away her mother's hands when she reached out to steady her. "Let's ignore the fact you just said someone wasn't worth saving. What about the collars? They made those with the flesh of our people, and they're using them to enslave our allies. You think they're going to stop at Luca?"

"No. But they've shown their hand, and now we know what to expect. We're already working on countermeasures, and we have warned the shifters." Xandra tilted her head. She spun the bracelets on her wrist, the plastic and metal clacking together. It was an old habit. One of her few tells when she was nervous. "And Van, I forbid you from going after Luca yourself."

"What will you do if I refuse to accept that?"

"We will assign guards, and we can put up wards that will keep you in. I don't want to do it, but I will not lose you again."

She licked her lips and pressed a hand to her abdomen. "Then what makes you any different from Abe?"

Xandra turned ashen and pressed her lips together. "That's not fair. It's different."

"It isn't. I'm not a child anymore–" Van threw up her hand to cut off her mother's protest. "You lost the right to protect me when you faked your death and sent me into the lion's den. You will not control me just so you feel less guilty about what happened."

Clicking her tongue against the back of her teeth, Xandra nodded. "Fine. Maybe you're right. I can't tell you what you can and cannot do. As your mother. As your leader, I'm forbidding you to go after Luca. That's an order."

Van laughed. So hard tears fell down her cheeks. There was a point where she acknowledged the laughter might border on hysterics, but she let it run its course.

"I fail to see what's so funny. Armies have ranks and rules for a reason, Van. Otherwise, it's chaos."

"Oh, I believe you," she said, chest heaving as she sucked in a deep, calming breath. "But I never signed up to be a soldier. I don't remember joining the Deltas, and that means I'm a free agent."

All Xandra's slick veneer crumbled. Pain pulled her shoulders forward, and her eyes turned glossy. "Van. I know you think you're being clever, and I know you think you're being brave. I understand the pain of losing someone you love, especially this kind of loss. Knowing he's still out there but not being able to have him. It's the worst kind of pain because you never heal. We aren't giving up on Luca, but sometimes in life there are sacrifices that have to be made for the greater good. This isn't the way to fix things."

Van nodded. "I understand."

"Good," Xandra said with a watery smile. "Now, let's get you something to eat, and then—"

"No, I understand why you won't go after him. Why you can't. But I can go after him. You said it yourself earlier. I'm just a human. A girl who didn't even finish Slayer training. What can I offer? I'll just be in the way. So let me go."

With those words, she pushed past Xandra and stormed out of the room. Her mother didn't follow, and a minute later, Livy appeared at her side. When the girl finally spoke, it was with unusual timidity. "Van, I'm sorry."

"Save it."

"If I'd known they weren't going to help us get him back, I would've gone with you. I promise. I thought I was doing the right thing."

She halted and whipped to face Livy, her red hair swinging around her pointed chin. "Do you want to get your cousin back?"

Resolved hardened the shifter's features, and she nodded. "I don't just want him back. I'm going to get him back."

"Good. We're on the same page. We need to be gone as soon as possible. How quickly can you be ready?"

"My stuff stays packed. We'll need some supplies, and–" she paused, looked thoughtful, then sighed. "And I know some others who will want to come."

"The more the merrier."

"We can leave within an hour."

"Good. I'll be back. There's someone I have to talk to first."